When you have a new partner it can be difficult to overcome shyness. Don't despair! You will no longer feel it with the passage of time, because you will grow together and establish a mutual harmony. However, relationships can be very stressful at first. How to overcome shyness and feel comfortable with your partner? Here are some tips that can help you make things easier.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Overcoming Shyness
Step 1. Understand the difference between shyness and low self-esteem
Many shy people have a good relationship with themselves and a balanced level of self-esteem. Shyness doesn't have to make you think there's something wrong with you. Your partner chose you because they liked your personality, including shyness. Even if you wish to change for the sake of the relationship, never forget that you can be confident and strong despite this supposed weakness.
Never apologize for being shy. Explain why you react a certain way, make it clear that you are working on it out of a desire to improve, but never give anyone the impression that expansiveness is due
Step 2. Be frank from the start
Studies have shown that talking about anxiety related to shyness can limit its consequences. Furthermore, according to experts, openly showing one's weaknesses is actually a good way to increase trust and intimacy between partners. Talking about it right away is very important, especially at the beginning of a relationship, in fact it will facilitate mutual communication along a path that will consolidate your relationship and make it more lasting. There is certainly nothing to be ashamed of, so be explicit and frank about how you are feeling when you feel tense.
- Don't hold back and explode later.
- Tell your partner how you feel, in real time.
- Don't dwell on your shyness; talk about it, but quickly change the subject when the feeling has passed.
- Let your partner comfort you if they try to do this.
Step 3. Relax and don't push the gas in a newborn relationship
In fact, fighting with shyness might cause you to put pressure on yourself to make things work right away, but that's not the solution even for outgoing people. Instead of trying to be with your partner all the time, spend some time with yourself, friends and family with whom you feel comfortable and happy. If you are fine and peaceful, the relationship will have a better chance of working out.
Step 4. Learn more about your partner using technology
For many shy people it is direct interaction that causes most states of anxiety, while communication through texting or the internet is quite smooth. However, many new couples don't spend all their time together, so keep in touch with SMS, Facebook, Twitter and other methods that allow you to establish a relationship, to get to know each other without the anxiety of seeing each other in person.
Step 5. Dating is a great way to "train" in a new relationship
If you find that you get stuck with shyness when you're on a date with your new partner, practice dating someone who doesn't make you nervous because you don't know them.
- Ask a friend or relative who you feel absolutely comfortable with for a "date".
- Follow all the steps: get dressed up, pick him up / get picked up, go to the restaurant and have a great conversation.
- Familiarize yourself with typical dating situations and try to remember that it's something you've already experienced when you go out with your real partner.
Step 6. Plan important conversations in time
Getting to know someone requires, at times, very personal conversations that can be difficult for you. For example, you have to talk freely about hopes and dreams, fears and modesty, how you feel when you try to get to know each other, and so on. Plan ahead for the topics you feel you need to address with your partner to be prepared when the time comes. Having some sort of script memorized in your head will make it much easier to confide.
- Make a list of your fears, hopes, and other important feelings.
- If you happen to have a fight, explain the reasons that support your point of view. Also, try to anticipate what your partner will say. The more prepared you are to deal with all the possible folds of a conversation, the more you will be able to communicate openly and effectively.
Step 7. Let the person you share the relationship with be free to talk
If he needs to let off steam or talk, let him do it and learn to really listen. This will allow you to get to know the person you love better, making your bond even deeper.
Step 8. Try to have topics to chat
If you can never find something interesting to tell him, then work a little when you are alone to resolve this situation. Watch the news, read books and magazines, keep up with the pop culture you share - whether it's music, movies or graphic novels - to always have something new to talk about when you are together.
Step 9. Get used to saying "yes"
Your instinctive response when your partner proposes something might be "no" - not because you don't want to do something with him, but because you need a few moments to feel comfortable enough to say yes. These "suggestions" could be as simple as answering a phone call right away, instead of recording the call on the answering machine and then calling back.
- Push yourself gently but firmly into situations outside your comfort zone.
- Don't rush! Start with small steps and then proceed with more challenging ones, a proposal for a romantic vacation for example.
Step 10. Choose low-stress places when you go out
If a romantic atmosphere with elegant dinner makes you nervous, tone it down. Go on a date where there isn't the tension of having to relate face to face, but where you can be comfortable together even without too much privacy. Based on your interests, you might go to:
- A sporting event where you can stand in a crowd;
- A museum where you can discuss the objects on display, not you;
- A cinema or theater where you can spend time together without talking.
Step 11. Breathe deeply to relax
Shyness is often accompanied by the anxiety of being around people and, in a relationship, one is supposed to behave in a very open and intimate way with the partner. This can be very stressful for a shy person! If you feel tension when you are with him, do a simple exercise to calm yourself and have a better disposition of mind.
- Take a deep breath and hold it for a count of four, then exhale controlling it as you release it.
- Repeat until you have overcome the anxiety.
Part 2 of 2: Being Open with Body Language
Step 1. Maintain eye contact with your partner
Shy people often shy away from stares, which can be acceptable and probably desirable when both partners are shy. However, those who are outgoing may feel you are not involved or distant if there is no eye contact.
- Eyes are an important communication tool, so overdoing your looks can be stressful.
- Over time, practice using eye contact more frequently and for longer periods.
- Practice on photos and images on TV or with your parents if it is too intimidating to look your partner in the eye at first.
- Looking at any point near the eyes will make him feel at ease, even if the eyes do not cross.
- It's easier to make eye contact when you're listening than when you're talking, so start with the simplest path.
Step 2. Don't cross your arms or cross your legs
When you do this, your body communicates to those around you that you are trying to appear smaller and close in on yourself. Make conscious choices so that with your body language you express availability and openness.
- Let your hands fall to your sides.
- Push your shoulders back and your chest forward.
Step 3. During a conversation, use facial expressions to reflect your partner's facial expressions
While shyness doesn't make you very talkative, that doesn't mean he should feel lonely when he talks to you. You can engage in a non-verbal conversation simply by expressing the same emotions as the interlocutor at any given moment.
- If he smiles or laughs, you should do it too.
- If he is discussing something that worries him, reflect his concern in your face.
- This way he will feel that you have an important bond with him, not that you are on your own.
Step 4. Express active non-verbal approval as you listen
Even if you are a person of few words, you can interact with your partner in many non-verbal ways, giving him the impression of more reciprocity than real. Here are some examples of non-verbal communication:
- Smile or laugh at appropriate times;
- Maintain eye contact;
- To nod.
Step 5. Lean forward
Shy people often want to increase the physical distance between themselves and others, but a partner may interpret these attempts as a sign of detachment and lack of availability towards him. Leaning forward and reducing the distance between you will create more intimacy and greater security in your relationship.
