You may have argued with your older sister about a particular object that you both want, or have said things that could have hurt her in a moment of anger. While arguing with your older sister is a fairly common occurrence, you may not know how to mend the relationship because apologizing can seem difficult. However, you can tell her you're sorry by offering her a sincere apology and showing her that you intend to catch up, as well as reflecting on how to avoid conflicts in the future so that you don't have to apologize all the time.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Make a Sincere Apology
Step 1. Find a quiet, private place
Start by finding a quiet area in the house where you can talk privately with your sister, such as the room you share or hers. Apologizing in a quiet, secluded setting will show her that you have serious intentions and want to discuss the matter away from others.
- Try to offer your sincere apologies in person, face to face, because sending them through a text or email will make them seem less genuine and won't convey the emotional impact as much as an in-person communication.
- Choose the right time for your sister. Don't try to apologize to her when she's in a hurry, when she's about to go out, or when she's hanging out with her friends; instead opt for a time when she is alone and can focus on your excuses.
Step 2. Acknowledge your sister's feelings
First, in making your apology you will have to admit that you hurt her and state that you want to talk about it. When talking to her, don't use "buts" or "ifs," but be honest and acknowledge that your sister is baffled.
For example, you might say, "I understand that I hurt your feelings by reading your journal without asking your permission" or, "I acknowledge that I upset you when I said those unpleasant things to you in front of your friends."
Step 3. Take responsibility for your actions
You must be willing to admit that you have been wrong or have done wrong; By taking responsibility for your actions, you will show your sister that you are aware of your mistake and that you intend to make amends for your wrong behavior towards her.
- Avoid mentioning her behaviors and don't try to blame her or make her feel uncomfortable. You can apologize for your actions, but don't put your sister on trial for hers, because blaming her will only upset her further.
- You might say, "I know I misbehaved reading your journal" or, "Now I understand that my insolent words to you were hurtful and unfair." You could also say, "I was angry with you, but I shouldn't have vented my anger by treating you like that."
Step 4. Speak in first person when you apologize
Make sure you take responsibility for your actions by speaking firsthand as you apologize because this will show your sister that you are aware of what you are saying and that you intend to admit that you have not behaved well towards her.
- It is advisable to say "sorry" only once, but with will and feeling. Avoid repeating it multiple times as it may seem pointless or lose sense after saying it once. Maintain eye contact with your sister while you apologize to her because that way she will know that you are serious and sincere.
- For example, you might say, "I'm sorry for what I did to you" or, "I'm sorry for behaving badly and unfairly towards you."
Step 5. Give your sister time to accept your apology
Don't expect him to forgive you instantly: he may accept your apology while still being resentful of you, or he may not respond to them at all because he may need time to let off some steam; will accept your apology when it is ready.
- Keep in mind that your sister doesn't have to accept your apology right away or at all, so respect her and give her time to forgive yourself.
- If your sister responds to your apology by expressing an opinion or commenting on your behavior, listen without replying; don't argue or get angry, but instead be willing to listen to what she says to improve your behavior towards her in the future.
Part 2 of 3: Show her you're sorry
Step 1. Write her an apology letter
Sometimes it is difficult to say "sorry" in person, especially if you know you have deeply hurt or upset your sister; plus, you may feel uncomfortable because you see her as a role model. If you feel anxious about having to apologize to your sister in person, try writing her an apology letter and hand it to her for her to read in due time.
- Start the letter with a "Dear Sister", followed by your apology. First, you will need to acknowledge his feelings and take responsibility for your actions.
- Conclude with a heartfelt "I'm sorry for what I did" and a note saying that you understand that it may take some time for you to accept your apology. You can also suggest that she speak in person when she is less angry and end the letter with "I love you" to let her know that you care.
Step 2. Compose an apology poem
Another way to show your sister that you intend to apologize for your behavior is to compose an apologetic poem; this is ideal if you feel more comfortable expressing your feelings creatively rather than using the letter that you may feel is too formal.
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The title could be: "My apologies for my sister". Use the sciolo verse to compose a poem in which you talk about your sister's feelings and take responsibility for your misbehavior.
Apologize to Your Older Sister Step 7 - Simply conclude with a verse that says, "I'm sorry for what I did to you," then date and sign the poem and give it to your sister for private reading.
Step 3. Give her an apology gift
You can help ease your sister's anger by giving her a special gift as an apology. Think of something original that shows her your regret at how you treated her and that shows your intention to make up for your mistake.
- For example, if you stole her diary, you could give her a new one with a better lock and key, or if you broke her favorite item, you could buy it back new and give it to her as a gift.
- Attaching a gift to a sincere apology is an advisable gesture. Telling your sister how sorry you are and then offering her an apology gift may make it easier for you to win her back because she may feel more willing to forgive you.
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Conflicts in the Future
Step 1. Learn some techniques to keep anger under control
If you find that you are starting to get angry about something, it is a good idea to calm down before talking to your sister. The next time you have a problem with her, give yourself a 15-minute break to calm down before talking to her. Here are some examples of good techniques to try:
- Deep breathing.
- Meditation.
- Progressive muscle relaxation.
Step 2. Focus on your sister's positive qualities
Between brothers and sisters there is often a tendency to argue as much on trivial matters as on serious issues, even as adults. One way to avoid conflict with her is to focus on her positive qualities for a while; in fact, we often tend to ignore them in order to focus on negative traits instead.
- For example, your sister may often grumble and complain to you about your life choices; by focusing on the positive intent of her behavior, you may realize that she is simply concerned about you because she cares about your well-being.
- Also, keep in mind that even if your sister pests you, she is ready to help you when you are in trouble or trouble, so her positive qualities outweigh the negative ones, especially with regards to her behavior towards you.
Step 3. Consider your sister's point of view
It is always advisable to try to see a situation from its perspective and avoid taking defensive attitudes; in fact, the conflict can be caused precisely by the fact that you have a different perspective on a situation or your approach to a certain issue seems wrong to them. Therefore, be willing to consider and respect his point of view, even when you don't fully agree.
For example, you may feel that your sister was always your favorite daughter when you were little, or that your parents give her preferential treatment now. At that point, you should reconsider your childhood through her eyes to notice how much pressure and expectations were placed on her as she grew up. Seeing situations from their point of view will increase your empathy for them
Step 4. Strive to do good deeds for your sister
Try to do at least one kind gesture for your sister, something as simple as putting toothpaste on her toothbrush in the morning or asking her how her day was at school. Doing a good deed towards her can help her see you as her caring little sister or brother and will allow you to build a more loving and unselfish relationship with her. If you treat each other with mutual consideration and respect, you will both tend to argue and argue less.
