Anyone can benefit by improving their apology. It is difficult to do this when you do wrong because you need to have a sensitivity that takes into account the social and emotional context. Whether it's due to their nature or their upbringing, or a combination of both, boys and girls tend to have different needs when it comes to getting an apology. The recipe for handing them to a man in the most appropriate way includes sincerity, conciseness, remorse, and a commitment to move on.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Prepare to Apologize in the Most Appropriate Way
Step 1. Allow some time to pass after the fight
If you still have too much adrenaline around, you probably won't be able to express yourself adequately when you need to apologize. Most men understand if you need to take a moment, even if you are wrong.
For example, try saying, "I'm feeling pretty flustered right now. I need a little bit of a moment to calm down, but we can talk about it when I get back."
Step 2. Identify yourself with him
Try to think about how you feel. If you were wrong, try to understand how you would feel as someone who has been wronged. It is essential to identify with the injured person in order to be able to reconcile.
Step 3. Don't be passive-aggressive
One of the most common mistakes men and women make in a relationship is to add another reason to their behavior to the apology. If you say "I'm sorry, but…", you're not actually apologizing.
The passive-aggressive attitude can emerge in a variety of ways, using sarcasm, for example: "I'm sorry, I'm a horrible person", or trying to put the blame on the other, perhaps saying, "I'm sorry that you feel hurt"
Step 4. Raise the subject
Once you've gathered your thoughts and prepared to apologize, you'll need to think about how to start the conversation. Find a time when you are not distracted, perhaps when you are alone and in no rush. It might be fine while you are driving around or having dinner in the evening. Try saying, "If it's a good time for you, I'd like to apologize for what I did." Get right to the point.
If she says it's not the right time, don't insist. Just wait for a better opportunity. If the reason for this is because he is still quite angry to resume arguing, quickly tell him that you understand his mood and that you will be willing to talk about it when he is ready and in the mood
Part 2 of 3: Express Your Repentance
Step 1. Express your repentance and remorse
Look him in the eye and tell him you're sorry by explaining why. Make it clear that you understand exactly how you hurt him. By clarifying what happened, you will make him realize that you have listened and considered his point of view.
For example, if you apologize to him because you yelled at him for something he had no responsibility for, you might say, "I'm sorry I attacked you the other night for something you had no responsibility for. I understand that you had the blame. the impression of having in front of you a person who is insensitive towards you and that he was using you selfishly only to unload all his anger on you"
Step 2. Take full responsibility for your actions
Instead of explaining the reason for your behavior, try not to express what you think about the situation right away. By finding a justification for your attitude, you will give the impression that you are not really sorry.
- For example, instead of saying, "I'm sorry I acted that way. I was just very frustrated with the situation at work and had a violent headache that didn't give me peace", you should simply state, "I'm sorry for what. I did. I had no right to behave like that with you."
- If he wants to know the reasons for your behavior, he will ask you. Then you can explain to him why you mistreated him.
- Often, when the apology is not sincere, it only expresses regret at being found out, rather than true repentance.
Step 3. Recognize the consequences, if any
For example, by saying "I understand that you will have a hard time trusting me", you will let him know that you have considered the consequences of your actions. It would be wise to explain to him that you do not expect immediate complete forgiveness from him.
Step 4. Don't dwell on it
Summarize everything you want to say in a few simple sentences. Express all your remorse, understanding and recognition without too many words. This will give him more time to speak out everything he has to say and will also avoid any kind of misunderstanding.
Part 3 of 3: Move on
Step 1. Resolve to fix it
While this tip can't be applied to small mistakes, it can be useful in more serious situations. The best way to find a remedy is to explain how you are going to improve your behavior or habits in the future.
Another way to remedy this is to ask: "What can I do to improve from this point of view?". Then let him know that you will pay attention to his suggestions
Step 2. Give him a chance to speak
Try to apologize gently, but don't go too far. You'll make less confusion and won't complicate the conversation. The best way to apologize is not to make a monologue, but to establish a dialogue.
Step 3. Try not to get defensive
It is very likely that he is still angry. In these cases, it is important to remain calm while apologizing. Listen to him and express your regret once again if you feel it necessary, but don't ruin this moment by starting to fight again.
Step 4. Turn the page
Once he accepts your apology, don't resume the conversation. Men find it easier to accept excuses for who they are and move on, without hard feelings. So, don't talk about it again, unless the same problem comes up again.
