Bullying has been a widespread problem in schools for a long time. Today, it can manifest not only in school, but also online. Often, we feel helpless when we want to help a friend who is being targeted. Sometimes we fear for our own safety or we just don't know what to do. In any case, it is still possible to help without taking any risks. Here are some suggestions.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Take action
Step 1. Invite the bully to stop
This is a great first step. This allows you to let him know that you know what he is doing and that his behavior is not justifiable.
- Do not scream and do not aggravate the situation. Stay calm and focused.
- Tell him his behavior is neither funny nor sensational. Bullies always seek that kind of attention. Let him know that's not the case.
- You can simply say "what you are doing is not good. Please stop". You could also say "I don't like how you are treating my friend."
- If your friend is being harassed online, send the author a confidential message saying that you are aware of what is happening and that they need to stop.
Step 2. Avoid becoming a bully yourself
You may be tempted, but two wrong attitudes don't make one right. Don't insult him or make fun of him. Once you tell him to stop and that your friend is safe, just walk away.
Remember that harassment in retaliation can make things worse. The real bully may decide to target you or turn your friend's life into hell
Step 3. Report bullying
As soon as you can, talk to an adult you trust. This is important regardless of where it takes place: at school, online or elsewhere.
- People to talk to can be your parents, teachers, school leaders, or a religious leader.
- If the person you spoke to doesn't offer help right away, talk to someone else. Bullying should be addressed as quickly as possible.
Step 4. Help your friend stay safe
Bullies often target people when they are alone. Make yourself available to sit with your friend for lunch, accompany him to the bathroom or wait for the bus with him.
- If your friend is also harassed online, don't compete with the bully. Make sure your friend blocks social media. You can do it too.
- Let your friend know that you think highly of him. You can remind them by saying, "I want to stay with you, because you are an exceptional person."
- They may feel weak or embarrassed because of their harassment. Make sure he knows this is not the case. Say something like "You are the really strong person. The bully is weak because he needs to pick on someone to feel good and that is painful."
Step 5. Pay attention to the people present
You have decided to help stop the harassment. However, other bystanders may laugh along with the bully or cheer him on. This makes the problem worse and you have to make them realize it.
- Some bystanders do not help because they are afraid of "spying".
- You can calmly tell them what you said to the bully: this behavior is not good. You can add something like "we shouldn't encourage it. This is bullying."
Part 2 of 3: Deciding to Help
Step 1. Learn to recognize the simple joke from actual bullying
Most of us have been teased at some point. We often make fun of a brother or close friends. The joke can hurt a little, but it's never meant to really hurt. Bullying is another thing.
- This is typically recurring, intentionally offensive behavior. It can have long-term consequences for the bully, the victim and even the people present.
- It can be physical, verbal, psychological or sexual;
- It can occur with people present or online (the phenomenon is known as cyberbullying).
- When someone is bullied, there is usually a power gap that leans in the bully's favor. The latter may be much more handsome, older or more valued than the victim.
Step 2. Offer support to your friend
Some bullied victims are afraid to ask for help. They may feel embarrassed or ashamed. Bullies can also promise them not to tell anyone what happened. Let your friend know that you would like to help him - even if he hasn't asked for it.
- Ask your friend what could help him. He may want someone to have lunch with him or to talk to some head teacher with him.
- Talk to your friend before addressing anyone. That way he won't feel like you did it behind his back.
Step 3. Ask other friends to help
The number is always the strength. If you're afraid to go it alone, find a couple of friends to help out.
- Involving other friends will show the bully how underappreciated his behavior is;
- If the victim sees more people coming to his aid, he will feel protected.
Step 4. Learn more about bullying
Sometimes, for lack of sufficient information, one can feel fearful to intervene to stop it. When you discover why people resort to this type of behavior, you can understand how to take action to stop them in the future.
- Most schools have bullying brochures.
- Your teacher or parent may be able to offer advice.
Part 3 of 3: Creating an Anti-Bullying Culture
Step 1. Form a safety committee
Everyone wants to feel safe in school. Ask a teacher or parent to help you start a school association that focuses on bullying. The group should consist of adults and young people. Together, it is possible to decide how to stop harassing behavior at school.
- The committee can be an informal group or an association recognized by the school;
- Ask friends and adults you trust to join.
Step 2. Establish a code of conduct
You can do this with the safety committee or on your own. Once set up, you can share it with teachers and school leaders. It should be a document that teachers and students can accept and sign.
- Codes of conduct may indicate prohibited behaviors. For example, don't punch, kick, and don't insult.
- Make sure everyone at school knows about the code of conduct. This way everyone knows the rules.
Step 3. Try to understand why people have abusive attitudes
Understanding is an important step in getting people to change their behavior. People behave like bullies for several reasons. When you know them, it's easier to stop them.
A bully may have a goal - for example, to be appreciated more or to try to acquire a higher social status. If the school is able to create an environment where social status matters little, this can discourage some doers
Step 4. Set a good example
When you actively help stop bullying, you are setting a good example. You are showing that it is possible to be accepted and be comfortable with yourself while standing up for others.
- Let others see your actions. Get help making anti-bullying posters or have a group discussion to learn more about the topic.
- Let people know why you are working to stop bullying.
Advice
- If you are unsure about taking action on your own, talk to a trusted adult first.
- Always stay calm when dealing with bullies. Never stoke the fire.
- Be brave. Defend yourself from the bully and raise your tone of voice. Mobilize people who can support him and let him know he is wrong.
Warnings
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Some forms of bullying can be very dangerous and must be dealt with immediately by an authoritative person. Seek their help right away in any of the following cases:
- Someone has a weapon;
- Someone threatened to seriously hurt someone else;
- There have been threats or actions (resulting from racism, homophobia, etc.) motivated by hatred;
- Someone was sexually assaulted;
- Someone has been charged with a crime (such as robbery or extortion).
