Bullying is the most common form of violence in school, affecting approximately 3.2 million students a year and is also widespread in the workplace. Bullying behavior can be difficult to spot and deal with, especially if you are the victim. You can recognize them by noting the physical and verbal cues of bullying. You can then get help, in a school or work environment, by talking to authority figures and other support networks.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Recognizing the Physical Signals
Step 1. Notice if the person punches you or otherwise hits you
One of the most obvious signs of bullying is physical aggression, in the form of punches, kicks or other blows. Someone could physically hurt you with their hands, with an object or threaten you with violence. Often, bullies continually assault their victims over a period of time and each attack becomes more violent and ferocious.
Many bullies push their victims. If you are attacked by a bully, he may inflict minor or severe physical injuries on you in places where they are not easy to see. It does this to avoid arousing the suspicions of parents or supervisors
Step 2. Notice if the person invades your personal space
Bullies can inflict physical discomfort in more subtle ways than deliberate assaults, such as by continuously and unscrupulously invading your space. If you work in a cubicle or office, the bully may come and sit on your desk or stand in front of you. If you're trying to study in the library at school, he might sit on your books or grab a chair and stand inches away from you.
Invasion of personal space is a tactic often adopted by bullies who try to intimidate or scare you without resorting to physical aggression. In some cases, this strategy can escalate and lead to violence
Step 3. Consider ways a bully can hurt you without hitting you
Making loud sounds, shining bright lights in your eyes, and putting smelly objects under your nose can be considered bullying if they are perpetrated with the intention of hurting you or regardless of your requests to stop. It is not necessary to resort to violence to harm a person.
- Sensory pain: This aspect can be coupled with a disability, such as showing the light of a flashlight to a photosensitive person or making loud sounds to cause an autistic person to gasp and complain.
- Trying to make an injury worse, such as by touching a broken arm or dropping something you need to pick up when you have a painful knee injury.
- Trying to trigger a health problem, such as using a flash to induce seizures in an epileptic, or showing explicit images to someone with PTSD or a phobia.
Step 4. Ask yourself if you feel physically uncomfortable around the person
Often, your body reacts to bullying psychosomatically, that is, accusing physical ailments caused by stress or mental trauma. You may experience very intense feelings of nausea, anxiety, or stress as the bully approaches, or even worse symptoms, such as vomiting, rapid heartbeat, headaches, and panic attacks.
You may feel physical discomfort in the presence of the bully or even when you are not together. For example, the night before school, the thought of seeing him might trigger your reaction. Alternatively, you may feel nauseous on the way to the office because you know you'll have to deal with it. These are psychosomatic reactions to bullying, which will often only go away if you fix the problem
Part 2 of 3: Recognizing the Verbal Signs
Step 1. Notice if the bully yells, yells, or raises his voice against you
Verbal attacks of this type can also be considered bullying. The attacker may yell insults in your face or make fun of you loudly in front of everyone. It may also provoke and offend you when you are alone.
Often, verbal abuse can be as dangerous as physical abuse, because a bully's words can hurt mentally and emotionally. Verbal abuse often goes undetected if it is done consistently and discreetly, so it's important to understand if the abuser is causing you psychological pain through the offense
Step 2. Learn the difference between constructive and destructive criticism
The former are benevolent, specific, and designed to help you improve. After listening to them you will know exactly what you need to correct. While they can still hurt if said too abruptly, they are not bullying. Conversely, destructive criticisms contain no useful advice and are usually personal offenses.
- An example of a useful and specific criticism is: "This article can be improved. It's still a draft and you could expand on it by delving into methods for asking a guy out."
- An example of destructive criticism is: "This article is useless, of no help and just plain stupid. Clearly the writer has no idea what he is saying."
- In some cases, people give malicious advice that seems constructive, but is meant to shut you up rather than to help you. These tips make no sense and are often unmotivated criticisms designed to frustrate or silence you.
Step 3. Notice if the person talks badly about you to others
Bullies have a tendency to slander their victims, either by spreading the word of made-up evil or gossip about them, or by making fun of them. They may speak badly of you on a professional level, such as making up that you never meet deadlines or that you copy in all your class assignments. They can also do this on a personal level, attacking your credibility with lies about the relationships you have with friends, partner and family.
You may learn about the bully's lies from talking to friends or colleagues and feel ashamed or guilty. Remember that you are not responsible for the bully's actions and you must not blame yourself for their misbehavior
Step 4. Consider whether you are being criticized on the basis of your gender or because you belong to a minority
A bully could attack you by exploiting existing power dynamics, such as discrimination against Muslims. This can make you feel isolated and unsafe, especially when the abuser has the power of prejudice on his side.
- Minorities include race, religion, disability (including symptoms of disabilities), sexual orientation, physical appearance, size, ethnicity, and more.
- Alternatively, they may try to insult you by comparing you to a group of marginalized people, for example by saying that you look effeminate or that you look disabled, even if you don't belong to that category.
Step 5. Pay attention to how the person treats you in a group or in front of others
The bully may behave in a discriminatory way by trying to isolate you from the group. He may state that he will treat you differently than everyone else. This is another way to exclude and humiliate yourself.
Step 6. Consider your feelings about the situation
Perhaps you feel that power dynamics are at play and you are afraid to speak up, because the bully may prevent you from continuing to do things you enjoy. Conversations with him may leave you helpless, frustrated, or unable to express what you feel and want. You may find that you are constantly thinking about him, how to fix the problem, and why you are being treated this way.
Try explaining your feelings to the other person using first-person affirmations. Good people care about your emotions. For example, if you feel hurt when someone makes fun of your accent, he should stop doing it as soon as he learns of this fact; it is simply a misunderstanding and not a bully's attitude. Conversely, a bully would tell you that he doesn't care what you feel or that your reaction doesn't make sense; anything to justify that he won't listen to you
Step 7. Find out when a person tries to get you wrong
Often, bullies in the workplace have a tendency to exert their power over you in a sneaky way. One of the methods they use is to assign you an unreasonable amount of work, so that you can't be successful. They may continually pressurize you for deadlines you missed or customers you dissatisfied, so that you feel inferior and helpless.
Bullies can also adopt these tactics in the school setting, trying to get you into trouble with the teacher and leading you to get bad grades or disciplinary punishment. They likely do this to limit your progress and prevent you from being successful
Step 8. Ask colleagues or friends if they think you are being bullied
In some cases, it can be helpful to ask for an outside opinion on your situation. Ask co-workers or close friends if they have noticed the person's behavior towards you, both physically and verbally. You may want to make sure that you are always accompanied by a colleague or friend when in the presence of the bully, so that they can observe his attitude towards you. In this way they will be able to make an assessment of what is happening.
Part 3 of 3: Getting Help
Step 1. Talk to a teacher or supervisor
If you feel like you are being bullied, it is important not to keep it a secret and not to hide it from people who can help you. You may be afraid to come forward and report the attacker's behavior, for fear of retaliation or judgment from your peers; or you may feel socially isolated from all the people around you and think that no one cares about your well-being. However, keep in mind that reporting the bully's behavior is the first step to stop him from continuing to hurt you and to recover from the trauma you have suffered.
- If there is a teacher at school that you have a good relationship with and trust, talk to him about what is happening to you. Wait for class to finish or show up earlier than usual so that you are alone and can talk privately.
- If you think you have a good relationship with a supervisor, tell him about the bullying incidents you experienced at work. Ask for an appointment privately, so that you have privacy and be able to confide in an environment where you feel comfortable.
Step 2. Talk to a psychologist
The school psychologist is trained in solving bullying cases and can often give you professional advice on how to deal with the situation. Also, if you regularly visit a therapist, talk to him about the bully and discuss ways to end his abuse.
If you are not comfortable talking to the school psychologist, you can seek help from youth protection services, which you will find with an internet search. These organizations are led by staff trained in helping young people in difficulty and will often know how to listen to your problems and help you out
Step 3. Confide in one of your parents, your partner, a mentor or another person close to you
Parents often do not notice that their children are being bullied and only notice the signs when the children bring them to light. Confess your situation to a parent or sibling you know you can talk to. Together, you can find a solution to the problem and put an end to it before it gets worse.
