Emotional intelligence (IE or EI, from the English "Emotional Intelligence") is the ability to get deeply in touch with one's emotions and use them to improve life. Recognizing your moods allows you to manage stress and communicate effectively with others, two skills that facilitate both personal and professional life. Contrary to the intelligence quotient (IQ), which remains constant throughout life, emotional intelligence can be developed and perfected over time. Read on to learn how to cultivate it using techniques you can use right away.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Getting in Touch with Your Emotions
Step 1. Observe your emotional reactions to the events of daily life
It is easy to put aside the feelings related to what you experience in the space of a day. However, in order to improve one's emotional intelligence, it is essential to take the time to recognize the emotions that have arisen from various experiences. If you ignore how you feel, you also overlook important information that profoundly affects your mental disposition and behavior. Then, start paying more attention to what you feel and connect those feelings to what you are experiencing.
- For example, let's say you are completely ignored during a meeting. What emotions would arise in such a situation? Instead, how would you feel if your hard work was clearly appreciated? As you get used to naming a variety of feelings, including sadness, embarrassment, joy, and satisfaction, you will increase your emotional intelligence.
- Get in the habit of getting in touch with your emotions at certain times of the day. What are the first sensations you feel upon waking up? And what are the ones you feel before falling asleep?
Step 2. Pay attention to your body
Instead of ignoring the way your emotions manifest on the physical plane, start listening to them. The mind and the body are not two separate entities, but they can affect each other quite deeply. You can improve your emotional intelligence by learning to interpret physical cues that help you understand what you are feeling. For instance:
- Stress can cause you to feel a kind of knot in your stomach, accompanied by pressure in your chest and rapid breathing;
- Sadness could foster a sense of slowness and heaviness in the limbs;
- Joy, pleasure, and nervousness can make you feel butterflies in your stomach, cause your heart to beat wildly, and give you a boost of energy.
Step 3. Look at how feelings and behaviors relate to each other
When you feel a strong emotion, how do you react? Try to feel your gut reactions to everyday situations instead of reacting without thinking. The more you know the stimuli behind your behaviors, the more you will increase your emotional intelligence and will be able to use what you learn to correct yourself in the future. Here are some behaviors and what they actually conceal:
- Embarrassment and insecurity can take you away from a conversation and prevent you from taking part in it;
- Anger can cause you to raise your voice or walk away in a rage;
- The feeling of oppression can make you panic, lose sight of what you were doing, and even cry.
Step 4. Avoid judging your emotions
They are all legitimate, even the negative ones. If you judge them, you will prevent yourself from fully perceiving them and, therefore, it will be more difficult to put them to use. Let's put it this way: every emotion you experience encapsulates new, useful information and connects to the reality you are experiencing. Without such information, you would not be able to react adequately. This is why the ability to feel one's emotions is a form of intelligence.
- It's hard at first, but get used to bringing out negative feelings and connecting them to what's happening to you. For example, if you are a very envious person, what clues does this feeling offer you in relation to what you are experiencing?
- Live even the most pleasant feelings to the fullest. Connect the joy and satisfaction to your surroundings so that you learn to feel them more often.
Step 5. Observe the repeating emotional patterns
It is another way to deepen your feelings and how they are connected to what you are experiencing. When you feel a strong emotion, ask yourself when was the last time you felt this way. What happened before, during and after?
- If you are able to notice repeating patterns, you have the ability to exert more control over your behaviors. Look at how you handled a certain situation and ask yourself how you would like to deal with it in the future.
- Keep a journal to describe your emotional reactions or moods from day to day. This way, you can clearly see how you tend to react.
Step 6. Learn to behave
You cannot control the emotions you feel, but you can keep in touch with what is happening in reality. It is worth reiterating that, without the information dictated by the circumstances, you would not know how to react adequately. This is why the ability to feel one's emotions is a form of intelligence. Therefore:
- It will be difficult at first, but get used to bringing out negative feelings and connecting them to what happens to you. For example, if you are a very envious person, what clues does this feeling offer you in relation to what you are experiencing?
- Live even the most pleasant feelings to the fullest. Connect the joy and satisfaction to your surroundings so that you learn to feel them more often.
Step 7. Learn to react
You can't control the emotions you feel, but you can decide how to react when they emerge. If you tend to verbally attack or withdraw into yourself whenever you feel offended, think about the reaction you would like to adopt. Don't let emotions take over, but decide how you should behave when they try to overwhelm you.
- When you go through an unpleasant time, try to sense your mood. There are those who describe this moment as a suffocating wave of sadness or anger. Once this is over, decide how you want to behave. Make an effort to communicate what you are feeling rather than repressing it, or stand up and make another attempt instead of throwing in the towel.
- Don't get used to running away from situations. It is not easy to let negative feelings emerge, indeed many people repress them by throwing themselves into alcohol, spending whole days in front of the television or taking refuge in other vices that anesthetize them from pain. If this happens to you too often, there is a risk that your emotional intelligence will start to suffer.
Part 2 of 3: Connecting with Other People
Step 1. Try to broaden your mind and be friendly
Open-mindedness and friendliness go hand in hand when it comes to emotional intelligence. Typically, a narrow mindset indicates poor EQ. However, if you are open to understanding and introspective reflection, you can deal with disagreements calmly and with self-confidence. You will gain a greater awareness of relationships with others and you will have new possibilities. Here are some elements that allow you to improve your emotional intelligence:
- Listen to TV or radio debates. Consider the arguments of both sides and take note of the details that require more in-depth analysis.
- When someone exhibits a different emotional reaction than you would if you were in the same situation, consider the reason and try to see things from their point of view.
Step 2. Improve your empathic skills
Empathy means being able to put yourself in the shoes of others by perceiving their emotions in this way. By actively listening and paying attention to what people are saying, you can get a better idea of their feelings. If you can use this information to make wise decisions and improve your relationships, you will demonstrate that you are emotionally intelligent.
- To improve your empathic skills, put yourself in others' shoes. Think about how you would feel if you were in the same situation as them. Imagine what it means to live their experiences and what support you would offer to alleviate their difficulties.
- When someone feels a strong emotion, ask yourself: "How would I react in his place?".
- When someone confides in you, pay attention to what they say in order to treat it gently. Instead of mind wandering, ask questions and summarize what they are telling you so they understand that you are involved in the conversation.
Step 3. Study your body language
Make an effort to read between the lines and capture people's true feelings by observing their facial expressions and gestures. Often, people say one thing, while their eyes reveal a deeper truth. Train yourself to carefully observe and intuit the less obvious ways in which people communicate their emotions.
If you don't know how to interpret facial expressions, try taking a questionnaire to find out what you can improve on. The tone of the voice can reveal many other things. For example, if it is high, it indicates stress
Step 4. Observe the effect you have on others
Understanding the emotions of others is just another step forward that allows you to improve your emotional intelligence. You also need to understand what effect you have on people. Do you tend to make them nervous, feel better or angry? How does a conversation change when you walk into a room?
- Think about the patterns you should change. If you tend to argue with people who love you, if your girlfriend has an easy cry when you talk, or if people don't unbutton too much when you're around, maybe you need to change your attitude in order to have a better effect on her. people.
- Ask close friends or your partner if they think you are sensitive and if there is room for improvement.
- The tone of the voice also has its importance. You may have a hard time recognizing the effect you have on others, but those who know you can help you.
Step 5. Get used to being emotionally honest
If you say you are "fine" but have a grim expression, you are not sincere. Learn to clearly express your emotions with your body as well so that people can understand you better. Tell others that you are in a bad mood when you are angry, but also try to express joy and happiness in the best moments.
- If you are yourself, you will allow others to know and trust you because they will understand your intentions.
- However, remember that there is a limit to be respected: control your emotions by avoiding hurting others.
Part 3 of 3: Employing Emotional Intelligence
Step 1. Find out what you can improve on
It is important in life to have good intellectual skills, but it is equally important to be emotionally intelligent. Having a great EI can foster relationships and professional opportunities. This ability consists of four fundamental elements that allow you to live in a balanced way. Read the following and try to understand where you can improve, then get to work.
- Self-awareness: the ability to recognize one's emotions for what they are and understand where they come from. Self-awareness means knowing your strengths and limitations.
- Self-management: the ability to postpone rewards, balance one's needs with those of others, take initiative and moderate impulsiveness. It means knowing how to deal with changes and keep your word.
- Awareness in the social sphere: the ability to perceive the emotions and concerns of others, but also to identify and adapt to the signals sent by the community. Acquiring awareness of social relationships means knowing how to notice the dynamics of power taking place within a group or an organizational context.
- Relationship Management: The ability to get along with others, manage conflicts, inspire and influence people, and communicate clearly.
Step 2. Defeat stress by improving emotional intelligence
Stress is a generic word used to describe all the suffocating sensations due to various emotions. Life is full of difficult situations ranging from the end of romantic relationships to the loss of a job. In between, there are a myriad of factors that can further complicate everyday problems. If you are very stressed, you have a hard time behaving as you would like. A good plan to relieve tension allows you to improve your emotional intelligence in several ways.
- Find out what triggers your stress and what helps relieve it. List the most effective ways to reduce it (like hanging out with friends or taking a walk in nature) and put them to good use.
- Get help if needed. If stress is unbearable and you can't manage it, contact a psychologist or psychotherapist who can provide you with the right tools to deal with it (and also improve your emotional intelligence).
Step 3. Don't take yourself too seriously at home and at work
If you are optimistic, you see the beauty of life and everyday things more easily and you are able to pass it on to those around you. Optimism translates into emotional well-being and better opportunities: People want to surround themselves with confident people, who in turn become magnetic and attract new opportunities and contacts.
- Negativity only makes you think about what can go wrong instead of helping you be resilient.
- Those with a very strong emotional intelligence tend to laugh and make fun of them, making others, as well as themselves, feel more protected and happy. Use humor to get through tough times.
Advice
- Try to be empathetic and understand what people feel.
- Emotional intelligence is more than just controlling one's feelings. It also consists in knowing how to control oneself.
- Some things need to be analyzed in more detail than others.
- Don't despair. Remember that it is possible to improve emotional intelligence, from whatever level you start, with sacrifices and the desire to open up and change your way of acting.
- If you have a very strong emotional intelligence, consider working in areas that require regular interaction with people, but also those that involve physical contact and understanding with others.
Warnings
- A high IQ does not guarantee equally high emotional intelligence.
- Being open-minded does not mean equating sound principles with bigotry, mistreatment or genocide. It means understanding why someone fears a category of people so much that they feel the need to oppress it.
