It's easy to be too hard on yourself, not appreciate or give enough attention or consideration to your successes. This attitude can lead to negative judgments about yourself and to forget how important each of us is. However, if we are committed to improving our self-esteem and self-confidence, we have a chance to remind ourselves how much we are worth and regain self-love.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Feel Good About Yourself
Step 1. Take note of your strengths, the achievements you have achieved so far and the best sides of your character
Grab a pen and paper and start writing three detailed lists about yourself. In one you write down your strengths, in the second your successes and in the third everything you appreciate about yourself. In this way you can reflect on the best aspects that characterize you. Consult them whenever you need a quick shot of self-esteem.
- Ask a friend or family member for help.
- Review them periodically to remind yourself how important you are.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
This way you won't forget how much you are worth and how important you are. By taking care of your health and personal needs, you can increase self-esteem and self-love.
- Get enough sleep every night.
- Eat a healthy diet, eat lots of fruits and vegetables, and avoid foods high in fat and sugar.
- Exercise regularly to feel your best and stay strong and healthy.
Step 3. Do your favorite activities
At least once a day, set aside some time to do what you like best. Whatever it is, you can show yourself that you are important and that you have every right to engage in what piques your interest.
Step 4. Set new goals and challenges
Pick a hobby or activity that has always intrigued you and get to work. Set some goals to improve your skills in this new passion and start perfecting yourself. By doing this, you will be able to remind yourself how capable and confident you are in the face of challenges.
- Learn to play a musical instrument.
- Learn a foreign language that attracts you.
- Play a new sport or start a different training program than usual.
Step 5. Spend your time with people who make you feel good about yourself
Much of our self-esteem depends on the people around us. By associating with negative or overly critical individuals, insecurities can be generated. However, by surrounding yourself with positive and inspiring people, you have the opportunity to feel important and valued.
Step 6. Think about what you are grateful for
A proof of gratitude can remind you of what's important to you, your life, and the people you care about most. Whether it's friends or family, think of everyone you hold in high regard. Gratitude can help you not forget how important you are.
Step 7. Learn to value yourself
Work on increasing your self-esteem to realize your worth.
- Try to evaluate your skills. Write down everything you are good at and how you use your talent in daily life. For example, you might be an attentive listener and use this skill with friends and when helping coworkers solve problems at work.
- Describe how you might use your skills to make your dreams come true. For example, suppose you have always wanted to help people by making a real contribution to them. You can use your listening skills to study and become a psychologist. This way you can put your natural talent and passion to help others to good use.
Part 2 of 3: Replacing Negative Thoughts with More Positive ones
Step 1. Think about a stressful or difficult situation
Examine your life and consider one of the many problems that have happened to you. Use it as a means to find out how you can deal with these kinds of situations and how you see yourself, but also to make changes that can improve yourself.
An example would be an argument, a relationship held in front of an audience, or a major life change
Step 2. Pay attention to what you think and believe
As you reflect on the stressful or difficult situation you have chosen, focus on the thoughts as they pass your mind. If you become aware of what you think and feel, you can later evaluate your patterns and change them as you see fit.
- Perhaps you will judge yourself as a rather rational type, based on facts and reasoning.
- You may think your thoughts are irrational or based on wrong information.
- You may also recognize that you are an optimistic, pessimistic, or neutral person. For now, consider negative thoughts.
Step 3. Study negative thoughts
As you examine your way of thinking, pay attention to negative thoughts or those that are likely based on misunderstandings or incorrect information. Be aware that they are not the only way to see things. To locate them, consider the following examples:
- Equating feelings with facts. Sure, some people will dislike you, but the fact is, you don't know what they're really thinking.
- Reaching negative conclusions, despite having neither a reason nor a proof. Perhaps you assume that you will be turned down a promotion, even if it has never happened in the past.
- Focus only on the negatives. After evaluating certain results, you may dwell on a critical comment and forget the positive opinions you received.
- Talking negatively with yourself or about yourself. After a stressful conversation with someone, you might tell yourself that you screwed it up.
- Turn positive thoughts into negative, demean your successes or what you have achieved so far. Maybe you tend to belittle yourself even when you have reason to celebrate a good result.
Step 4. Replace bad thoughts with a more constructive approach
Once you have identified some pessimistic or inaccurate thought patterns, you can begin replacing them with healthier thinking that increases your self-esteem and self-love. Try changing them for more positive alternatives:
- Try to forgive yourself and love yourself. In all likelihood, you don't tend to mortify people for a mistake or a failure, so don't do the same to yourself. If you make a mistake, use it as a lesson you can learn from.
- Be confident and positive. Tell yourself that you are capable and ready to do your best even in the face of difficulties.
- Choose how to react to negative thoughts. If you are feeling stressed, think of a concrete way to simplify a rather stressful situation.
- Focus on what's good or what you've been successful at.
Step 5. Talk to a psychotherapist and learn about cognitive behavioral therapy
For best results, contact an analyst or psychotherapist and make an appointment. It can help you develop healthier mental habits, focus your attention on more constructive thoughts, and boost your self-esteem instead of focusing on the more negative aspects.
- Ask your therapist if cognitive behavioral therapy is useful for you.
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy can help you manage bad thoughts and remember how important you are.
- Even if you begin to practice the basic techniques of cognitive-behavioral therapy, collaborating with the psychotherapist, you will be able to improve the results over time.
Part 3 of 3: Detach from Negative Thoughts and Accept Them
Step 1. Reflect on a stressful situation in your life
Try to identify a difficult event that you have recently faced. Use it to learn how to handle stressful situations and understand how you value them, then modify your approach to improve your self-esteem.
- Pay particular attention to how you see the situation.
- During this exercise, take note of all negative thoughts.
Step 2. Get away from bad thoughts
Once you have identified everything negative you think about the stressful situation you have chosen, you can begin to break away from it. The main goal is to realize that, ultimately, it's all about words and that you have a chance to step back and look at them without identifying with them.
- Try writing down negative thoughts with the opposite hand or imagining them written on another object. By doing so, you will consider them as something you can look at, detached from yourself.
- Visualize the worst thoughts as something you can break away from.
- To block the power they have over you when they crowd your mind, just say "Stop!" until they're gone. Remember that the most harmful thought patterns are a thing of the past and that you are now acquiring a new way of thinking. So, replace them with more positive thoughts.
Step 3. Accept negative thoughts
Once you are able to break away from them, you can take a step back and let them be without getting overwhelmed. Realize that you are now in control of your way of thinking and that you know how to deal with whatever bad is on your mind, without the need to dominate or fight it.
- Don't get caught up in bad thoughts. They will no longer have any power over you.
- By recognizing them, you will have the strength to let them go and replace them with more positive ones.
- They will surely knock on your mind again, but it doesn't necessarily affect you.
Step 4. Go to a psychotherapist
While on the one hand you can practice basic psychotherapeutic techniques on your own, on the other hand by collaborating with a professional, you are sure to get the most out of your efforts. The psychotherapist will work directly with you, customizing the "acceptance and commitment therapy" process according to your needs.
It will help you properly use "acceptance and commitment therapy" (a new form of psychotherapy that is part of what is called the "third wave" of cognitive-behavioral therapy) to boost your self-esteem
Advice
- Be kind and forgiving of yourself.
- Become aware of the bad thoughts you have about yourself and make them disappear or replace them with more constructive ones.
- Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good about yourself.
