Does your husband tell you that you are fat? Instead of snapping back, imagine how you could talk to him about this topic while remaining calm and patient. If she continues to be insolent, defensive, or controlling you, try to figure out if you feel safe and respected by her side. Remember that your self-esteem depends only on you and that only you are in control of your body. Find the support you need to feel good in your skin.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Respond with Calma
Step 1. Take a moment to breathe before answering
When someone talks to you in an offensive or impertinent way, it could touch an open nerve, especially if it's your husband. So, take a minute to breathe deeply and collect your thoughts.
- Consider walking away by saying, "After what you just said, I need a moment." Avoid continuing the discussion until you have been able to distance yourself from the situation and reflect.
- Take five deep breaths. Imagine something beautiful in your life instead of focusing on what your husband just told you.
Step 2. Think before you react
It is normal that, when you receive an insult, you feel anger and start building a wall. Even if the words you have heard provoke these feelings, launching a verbal attack will only increase the contrast and frustration. So, calmly and patiently express your mood in relation to what you have heard.
- If you have the impression that your husband is trying to belittle you and this behavior is repeated over and over, try telling him, "I realize that you are trying to make me suffer, but I am stronger."
- If you have a broadly sympathetic partner next to you, but he called you fat in a moment of anger, you might say, "When you talk to me like this, I feel ugly and insignificant. Can we communicate without hurting each other?".
Step 3. See if you can talk instead of arguing
Consider addressing this to discuss what bothers you rather than blaming each other. Try replacing hateful words with ones that allow you to communicate more constructively.
- If he is reluctant to talk about what is bothering him or listening to what is bothering you, you may want to find out if you are able to effectively express your respective feelings.
- Consider whether you can discuss difficult issues without getting emotionally tired, exhausted, and disrespectful.
- Try to focus the conversation on finding a compromise instead of attacking each other.
Part 2 of 4: Believe in yourself
Step 1. Remember that your self-esteem depends on you
No one can know what you are worth and deserve except yourself. Even if you want your husband's approval, realize that he can't change the way you feel inside. Only yours can do it.
- While receiving reassuring words from your husband can boost your self-esteem, don't rely solely on him to determine how you feel and look.
- Learn to fuel self-esteem and self-confidence. Consider encouraging yourself: "My self-esteem does not depend on the pounds indicated by the scale" or "I am more than what I look like".
Step 2. Set your goals regardless of what your husband says
Don't fall into despair when your husband calls you fat. If you have set goals for your body image, move on. Stop the man next to you from checking the goals you have set for your health, happiness, and life.
- Decide which goals allow you to take care of your well-being and your appearance.
- Try to understand what makes you feel special and loved. Defend yourself and your needs.
- Find a way to be comfortable with yourself beyond what your husband thinks. Focus on the activities that make you truly happy.
- If your husband's comment didn't particularly impress you, discuss the sentence in general instead of focusing on the joke about your appearance.
Step 3. Take care of yourself
When you are hurt or insulted, you are prone to isolate yourself or fight back. Instead of wasting a lot of energy giving credit to negative thoughts and feelings, focus on the things that fuel optimism about yourself and your life. Find time to:
- Reflect on the most beautiful characteristics that affect your character and your body. Keep a journal in which to write down everything you like about yourself. Choose at least three aspects to analyze.
- Engage in activities independent of the presence of your husband or family. Spend an evening with friends. Go out and visit a new place. Try to grant your wish.
- Do something that brings you back in tune with your body. Consider yoga or meditation. Get a massage. Find a way to feel beautiful and regenerated.
Part 3 of 4: Recognizing When a Relationship Is Unhealthy
Step 1. Ask yourself if your husband is offending you all the time
Does he have a habit of belittling you or telling you that you are fat? Does his insults and humiliations make you feel helpless and ashamed of yourself?
- If your husband is aware that your weight is a sensitive subject for you, it is possible that he is doing it on purpose to hurt you.
- If you think he repeatedly hurts you with rude and mortifying words, he could be verbally violent. Nobody should make you feel inferior, especially your husband.
- Consider writing down how often you are insulting or hurting you. Does it happen several times a day? Once every two months? If he abuses you regularly, your relationship is likely to be unhealthy.
Step 2. Find out if you feel respected
Marriage is not only about love, but also about respect. It is important that you feel on the same step as your partner and that your opinions and thoughts are respected. Ask yourself the following questions to understand if your relationship is based on mutual respect:
- Do you trust your husband?
- Do you think you can talk to him about how you feel?
- Do you feel appreciated for who you are and what you do?
Step 3. Pay attention to anything that indicates verbal violence
Aggressive behavior implies control. Determine if your partner tells you that you are fat or offends you to control and humiliate you. Those who use violence try to make their victim feel guilty or justify their behavior by giving them a semblance of normality.
- Reflect on your relationship and ask yourself if your husband has acted in the following ways: He dominates you, humiliates you, isolates you, threatens you, intimidates you, or blames you.
- Ask yourself if you feel safe and secure at home. Do you feel like you have to "use the velvet gloves" to interact with him?
- Don't feel alone. You have the strength to understand what you deserve in a relationship.
Part 4 of 4: Finding Support
Step 1. Call a number that offers help if you believe you are in danger
If you feel lost and insecure around your husband, seek help immediately. Talk to a psychologist to find out which factors contribute to keeping a relationship healthy and which ones compromise it.
- Call the anti-violence toll-free number 1522. The reference website is:
- Find out which services available near you allow you to get help.
Step 2. Consider seeing a couples therapist
If you don't feel in danger by your partner's side, but the fights increase, try talking to a therapist to learn how to communicate more effectively. Instead of feeling ashamed, consider therapy as a way to grow and improve your relationship.
- Make therapy your priority. See it as an opportunity to evolve your relationship as a couple and feel more confident about yourself.
- If your husband refuses, consider individual psychotherapy. You will find a professional who can help you better manage a problematic relationship.
Step 3. Contact friends and family for support and comfort
Identify people you trust and confide in them by explaining your relationship and what your husband told you. They may offer you wise or enlightening suggestions.
- Avoid isolating yourself when your husband, or anyone else, mortifies you or makes you suffer. Rather, seek the love and support of friends and family.
- Gain strength and balance by comparing yourself with people who have had problems with their body image or relationship difficulties with their partners.
