Have you ever been called a racist? Probably the accusation took you by surprise and you didn't know how to answer. Did you feel angry? Sad? Offended? It's not easy to react right when someone calls you a racist. To make sure you face the accusation in the best way, keep your emotions in check and express your thoughts sincerely.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Reacting if You Are Called a Racist
Step 1. Notice the difference between a racist action and a racist person
If someone has pointed out a particular gesture to you, it does not mean that they hate you or that they think you are horrible. He's just trying to explain that you did something insulting, as if he said, "I slipped on the milk you poured in the hall" or "I don't like it when you make fun of me about the size of my nose."
If someone tells you that you are a racist, this is a sign of a more serious problem. You may have done multiple actions that are considered racist, or the accuser is simply having a bad day
Step 2. Accept that there is a problem to be solved
The accusation of racism is very serious and those who make it do not do it lightly. If anyone thinks you are racist, take it seriously. Take the time to listen to her concerns.
- Let the other person talk without interrupting them before answering. Then, calmly and calmly, he tries to say, "Damn, I'm very worried that you think I'm a racist. I'd like to go deeper. Would you like to do it in private (in my office, at the bar, in the other room). …)? ".
- If you are in a position of power over the other person, they may feel uncomfortable talking to you completely in private. In this case, try a public but isolated place, such as a restaurant, a park bench, and so on.
Step 3. Apologize immediately and make it clear that you care about the other person's feelings
She may be scared of you, especially if she is part of a minority, so do what you can to make her comfortable. This will show that you are an understanding person who is willing to listen.
For example: "I'm sorry if I've said or done something offensive. I want people of all races to feel safe and comfortable with me, so if I've made you uncomfortable, I want to know more, so you can learn something"
Step 4. Ask why you appeared racist
Listen carefully to what you are told. You may have made a mistake, or you may have said something that was interpreted differently than you intended.
Try saying, "I want to know why you think so. What have I done that was a racist?" Listen carefully to the answer
Step 5. Validate the accuser's frustrations
He shows empathy for the racist incidents he suffered, whether it was misunderstanding or not. Make it clear that his suffering affects you, even in cases where it wasn't your fault. This will help calm him down and get him to trust you.
Here are some examples of statements that value his feelings: "It must be difficult", "I'm sorry to know you went through this" and "What a bad experience"
Step 6. Don't consider yourself a racism expert
It is not easy to define this concept and it is possible to say or do racist things without realizing it. If you are white and the other person is black, they probably know racism better than you do. Listen carefully to his explanations; you might be surprised.
- They may think that you are racist because you support racist policies, such as the criminalization of certain drugs or the creation of residential areas dedicated to a minority. While these policies are not theoretically targeted specifically against minorities, their impact and implementation are highly skewed for or against a race and are consequently racist. Expressing your support for politicians who promote the development of these policies can be considered racist.
- Finally, the most common and frequent definition of racism is to believe that one race is superior or inferior to another. Using offensive racial epithets, advocating slavery, segregation and deportation, claiming that race affects people's behavior (eg, "Hispanics are rapists") are all examples of severe racism. For example, if you said "I think it was a mistake to free the slaves", you would be a racist.
- If you don't understand something, ask. "I don't understand why what I did was racist. Can you explain it to me?".
Step 7. Do not cite evidence that you are not a racist
Mentioning your black friends, your Asian girlfriend or the time you spent volunteering to educate Roma children won't help you fix the situation. Even talking about your ancestors will not be useful to you; just because you are part of a minority doesn't mean you can't be racist towards another race. Not all racists are hateful people who burn crosses and it is possible to commit racist acts inadvertently, even if you despise the idea of racism in general.
Step 8. Admit all the racist acts you have committed
Remember that in the West, where governments and societies have been controlled and led by white men for millennia, everyone is racist to some degree. Confess to your accuser that you have a lot of unconscious racist prejudices and that you will try to improve. Mention the specific circumstances of the conversation or current situation to clarify your position on the issue.
Step 9. Clarify your comments that have been misinterpreted
Maybe you said something that sounded racist, even if it wasn't your intention. In this case, apologize for the misunderstanding and inconvenience you caused, then explain yourself better.
- For example: "I meant that I disagree with Obama's policy and don't appreciate his work. I'm glad America had its first black president and I hope there will be many more. I'm sorry if I gave a different impression. That's certainly not what I meant."
- Admit you are surprised: "Oh no, I'm sorry! I'm surprised and mortified that my words sounded racist! I think your girlfriend is beautiful, including the color of her skin! I promise, I'll call you later to tell you."
Step 10. Admit your limitations
Many people have racist beliefs without realizing it and it is possible that you still have prejudices too.
- Think about the history of your culture, considering the structural difficulties of achieving a society where everyone's rights are truly equal. You have probably assimilated cultural prejudices without realizing it.
- List a few examples to show that you understand the problem. Listening to minorities with less attention; be more cautious around black people; be less likely to hire someone with an exotic or non-traditional name; these are just some of the many unconscious but racist prejudices that so many people in predominantly white societies have.
Step 11. Repair your mistake
If you have inadvertently hurt a person, admit your guilt and apologize. If you are not forgiven, ask if you can do something about it. Your goal is to conclude your trade by making her feel satisfied and safe in your company.
- If you've insulted someone, compliment them. Explain that you value him very much as a friend, colleague, or relative and assure him that your racist comment is not an expression of your feelings towards him.
- If you've offended a friend or partner, spend more time on your relationship. Take him to a fun place, do something nice for him, or spend some quality time together.
- If someone doesn't want to see you, give them space as long as they need it. This shows that you can respect his wishes.
Step 12. Talk about the damage to your reputation
If you have been publicly accused, ask if the person is willing to retract. If you have shown empathy and a willingness to be forgiven, he or she will probably accept. If not, you can't do much about it, but if you have to, keep explaining and letting everyone know that you and the accuser have made peace after you have remedied your racist actions.
At the end of the conversation with your accuser, ask with the utmost tact: "Are you satisfied with our conversation? Do you still consider me a racist or a bad person? If not, could you let others know? and if possible keep my reputation intact"
Part 2 of 4: Admitting to Having Committed a Racist Act
Step 1. Think about what you said or did that was offensive
To do this, you need to slow down and rework the information you received from a different point of view. Step back with your mind and analyze your prejudices. Did you grow up with certain beliefs that led you to make small generalizations about a group of people? Do you have gut feelings about a certain breed that you can't explain? By thinking thoughtfully, you will be able to get a more complete view of the accusation that has been made against you.
- Compare the accusation of racism you just received with others you have heard in the past. Are they similar or different?
- Think about what might be preventing you from reaching a better understanding of your opinion on races. Always remain aware of your ideas and thoughts as you reflect on your act of racism.
- Try to think more abstractly. Put yourself in the shoes of the accuser. How would you rate your behavior? How would a person of another race feel after what you said or did?
- To better understand the experiences of a person who belongs to a minority, you should make an effort to read material about problems related to their lives and talk to them with empathy. You will be surprised to know all the opinions regarding how they are perceived by the world.
Step 2. Do not immediately respond to accusations you receive on the internet
One of the biggest benefits of communicating online is that you don't have the pressure to reply quickly. You have the opportunity to reflect on your feelings and think well about the reaction.
Step 3. Admit your mistake and apologize
Maybe you thought you were witty when you chose to wear a black-faced lion costume for the Carnival party, but you actually pissed off a lot of friends. Ask yourself if such a joke was worth it to anger a group of people and risk tarnishing your reputation forever. When someone tells you that what you said or did was racist, put your pride aside and apologize.
Reply: "I'm very sorry. I said a horrible thing. Thank you for helping me understand why I was wrong. Can you forgive me for being insensitive?"
Step 4. Don't try to justify your behavior
Don't blame the way you were raised, don't say it's nothing serious, don't say racism doesn't exist because a black person was once mean to you, and don't say it's the bad guy's fault. other person because he raised the issue. It is important to take responsibility for your actions, even if it is difficult. Remember the difference between an explanation and an excuse.
- The first thing you need to do is admit the problem: "I'm not a bad person, but I have negative racist biases that have an unpleasant impact on people of other races."
- Don't try to justify your act of racism based on the context. For example, if you have been robbed and have described the criminal responsible for the theft in racist terms, you are still being racist. Just because you have been robbed by a person of a certain ethnicity does not mean that you have the right to ignore decency and respect.
Part 3 of 4: Coping with Your Feelings
Step 1. Don't panic
You may feel insulted, or you may start worrying about what others think. Instead, focus on the present, your feelings and possible solutions. If you start worrying about the potential consequences of the racism charge, you will end up banging your head against the wall.
If you must, take a deep breath to calm down and free yourself from the anxiety you feel about the accusation. Go for lunch or take a nap
Step 2. Don't act in anger
It is normal to feel angry after being called a racist. However, you don't have to speak or act when you are still feeling frustrated. This would only make the problem worse. If you have been accused in person, take a deep breath before responding. Do not scream and do not insult the accuser. If necessary, step away to reflect and calm down before saying or doing something you may regret.
If you have to leave, you can say, "I need some fresh air" or "This discussion is very important and I'd like to think about it."
Step 3. Take out your problems somewhere else, so that you get rid of the frustration
If you're having a hard time, don't blame the person who accused you. Instead, let it out on social media or with a trusted friend.
- Don't let off steam on the internet if you've been called a racist, as people may consider you insensitive. However, feel free to talk about your personal problems, from the broken car, to an insult your wife received, to the demands of your boss.
- Your personal difficulties don't give you a chance to say anything you want. It can happen that you have a horrible day (or a week or a month) and do racist or offensive acts. You are still responsible for your actions.
Step 4. Avoid negative responses to the accusation
Don't run away, don't get stuck, and don't use sarcasm with the person who accused you of racism. For example, don't answer ironically "That's right, I'm a great racist!" when you actually think you are not. Likewise, even if the accusation completely surprises you, don't sit still with your mouth open and don't run away in embarrassment. Think and think what to say.
- Never go on the attack and don't talk about "reverse racism". It would only make the situation worse.
- Running away from the person who considers you a racist does not allow you to solve the problem.
Step 5. Understand that you are not the problem
Taking the accusation personally can make things worse. Even the kindest and most wonderful people can happen to commit racist acts or offend someone. You just made a mistake.
Don't turn your attention to yourself. You probably feel upset, but you shouldn't yell or accuse someone of racism or anything in turn. They are immature and counterproductive reactions
Step 6. Don't give weight to false accusations
If you have been misunderstood or if the other person has wrong information, they may have made a mistake. If he apologizes, leave the episode behind. Accept that he was wrong in good faith and forget about it. Put yourself in his shoes and think about how you would have felt if what he thought was true. What would you have felt or said?
- For example, if you thought you had heard someone say that Asians are the only intelligent race, you would probably have accused that person of racism. If the accusers thought you said such a thing, you can understand why they criticized you. Starting from this thought, forgive him and turn the page.
- Even if the other person doesn't apologize, forgive them anyway. You don't need to tell him in person. Continuing to feel frustrated and embarrassed about what happened would only hurt you.
Step 7. Forgive yourself for your racist action
Everyone happens to hurt someone; feeling remorse is a sign that you are a good person. You can say something offensive by accident without being an incorrigible racist. Your mistake is less important than what you made up for. Don't regret your actions forever and allow yourself to move on.
Part 4 of 4: Becoming Less Racist
Racism lurks everywhere and you may have some little racist attitudes without realizing it. Here's how to improve.
Step 1. Read publications on racism
Knowing the point of view of people of color can help you understand what forms racism takes, what it feels like to suffer from it, and how to avoid it. You can learn a lot and consequently become a more educated person who cares about the rights of minorities.
- Try reading one of the many books dealing with this topic, such as "Racism Explained to My Daughter" by Tahar Ben Jelloun.
- Some books on racism can be very challenging. If you prefer, look for publications with a more accessible style.
Step 2. Surround yourself with diversity
Don't just look for people like you; approach those of a different race, religion or background.
Step 3. Don't get too out of balance in discussions about race
Better to make others laugh because you are too cautious than to risk being offensive. If in doubt, stay silent or don't make any challenging statements. Here are some examples of how to speak in a balanced way:
- "I have something to say, but I'm hesitant, because I don't want to explain myself badly and sound racist when it's not my intention. I'll try to find the right words, so stop if you hear something strange."
- "Don't ask a milky white guy like me to talk about racism! Try asking anyone who has really suffered it. Maya studies this subject and is very experienced."
- "I have nothing to add. I'm happy to listen."
Step 4. Listen to people of different races than yours
If your positions and behaviors are always considered racist by those who have suffered racism, you may be racist. Many people are without realizing it. Structural racism, the legitimization of one race's domination over all others in work, politics, art and other social fields, is often invisible, but no less dangerous than blatant racism, like insults and disparaging comments. Listening to what people who have experienced racism of both kinds have to say can help you answer the allegations made against you.
- To hear what someone else has to say, stop talking. If possible, sit down and place both feet comfortably on the ground. Keep your hands on your thighs.
- Look the other person in the eye.
- Clear your mind of distracting thoughts and be prepared to hear what he has to say. Try to be present in the moment. Think about what you expect to hear, but keep an open mind. At the end of the conversation, check if your expectations were correct.
- Bring a notepad with you, so you can take notes.
- If you can, record the conversation so you can listen to it later.
Advice
- In a conflict situation, ask open-ended questions and express your opinion with first-person affirmations. A sentence like "I feel disappointed that I hurt you like this" is much better than "You are crazy".
- If you'd like to become an ally of people who often experience racism, you can start pointing out racist behaviors or questioning the meaning of your relationships with minorities. Try to become an example of how social errors can be faced with humility.
Warnings
- Don't get defensive. This means that you should not deny the accusations of racism and not retaliate in turn with such an attack. This would only make the other person more angry.
- Do not criticize the tone of those who accused you of racism. It wouldn't do any good. If someone makes a joke about your identity, they criticize your identity and all people like you. In that case, too, you would be angry. Don't expect him to speak softly to you.
