Mistakes are a part of life - we all make mistakes every now and then. If you want to leave the past behind, change your mindset and recognize that you can learn from your mistakes and stop necessarily seeing them as something negative. If you feel the need to make amends for a past mistake, find a way to do it. In the end, accept yourself: self-acceptance is the key to moving on.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Changing Mindsets
Step 1. Recognize the emotions underlying your actions
If there is no way you can get over the guilt over a past mistake, there may be a specific reason. Take the time to identify the emotions behind that reprehensible action - to leave the past behind, you must be willing to let them go.
- What do you connect that mistake to? Do you think you have missed an opportunity? Do you think you have harmed a loved one? Can you identify one or more specific emotions that bind you to the past?
- For example, you might think you made a big mistake by turning down that job opportunity. You are repentant and regret the turn your life could have taken. Try to face regrets head on, accepting the fact that we all have them and that they are part of the normal course of life. This will help you let go and reduce the severity of the event.
Step 2. Don't let your mistakes define you
We often feel stuck because we feel defined by our mistakes and bad deeds. It happens to everyone to misbehave, but a single action does not necessarily reflect the values we believe in and our personal qualities. Learn to see yourself as an entity separate from the mistakes you make.
- Try to treat yourself the same way you treat others. If a loved one, for example, made the same mistake, how would you react? Probably an isolated "slip" would not be enough to make you think that he is a bad person.
- Give yourself the same indulgence. If you happen to get into a rage once, it doesn't mean you're a bad person. You and your mistakes are two different things. You can certainly use mistakes as opportunities for improvement, but remember that your flaws don't entirely define you as a person.
Step 3. Try to draw a lesson from the experience
Maybe it's easier to accept a mistake when you can make sense of it. Instead of continuing to mull over the "ifs", focus on what you can learn from how things went. The past does not change, but you can use it as a guide to never make the same mistakes again in the future.
- Cultivate gratitude for the ability to learn from experience. If, for example, you get nervous every time your mother starts talking to you as soon as you step inside the house, take the opportunity to understand that you need a moment of decompression before resuming the conversation in the family and be grateful for this realization.: you have learned something new about yourself, which can help you improve the relationship with your loved ones.
- Feelings of guilt are nothing more than a brain strategy to send you the signal that it is time to change something. Sometimes, however, it happens to experience them in a way that is too extreme and even unhealthy: in this case, if the obsession with a mistake from the past becomes excessive, stop for a moment and try to understand what lessons you can draw from it.
- Maybe, for example, you had a stressful day at work and took it out on your mother. Instead of taking it out on others, you need to learn to control emotions more. You can't change your past behavior, but you can go further by trying to adopt a more conscious and responsible attitude.
Step 4. Accept that you are not perfect
You have to learn to let go of the need for perfection: if you can't overcome the mistakes of the past, maybe you tend to perfectionism by nature. Remember that no one is perfect and you cannot expect to go through life without ever making mistakes.
- Recognize that you are able to admit mistakes. Many people lack this ability and persevere on the wrong path. Being aware of this will help you.
- Never making mistakes is unrealistic. You must accept them and serenely acknowledge your imperfection. The moment you recognize them, you are on the right track.
Step 5. Acknowledge that you have acted with little awareness
As life progresses, we grow and learn more and more from experience, and our value system can also change over time. Something that seems evident to you now may not have been so evident to you a few years ago, when you did not have the same knowledge of the world and the same values that you have now.
- For example, perhaps many years ago you happened to use cocaine because you thought it could be an exhilarating experience. Now, however, you are perfectly aware of the high risk of addiction caused by the abuse of this substance and of the possibility that it will lead you to reckless actions: it is an awareness that, at the time of the facts, you did not have.
- Or you have trusted someone who later betrayed your trust and you think about it with regret. At the time, however, you certainly had no way of knowing that that person would betray you.
Part 2 of 3: Making Amends for Your Mistakes
Step 1. Recognize the usefulness of feelings of guilt
The first step to be able to make amends is to acknowledge your faults. Instead of ignoring them or dismissing them as of little importance, try to understand what lessons you can draw from them. If you feel guilty, you've probably done something wrong - maybe you need to fix it and change your attitude in the future.
- Think about why you feel guilty. Have you hurt a person you care about? Did you get angry with a friend or family member? How can you go about doing better in the future? What can you do to fix it now?
- However, try not to be overwhelmed by shame, which is a feeling that is triggered when you judge yourself based on individual actions: it is counterproductive and makes you feel uncomfortable, without encouraging you to act in the direction of change. While acknowledging your faults, remember that a bad deed does not make you a bad person.
Step 2. Acknowledge your wrongs
Admitting mistakes without making excuses is important, especially if you've harmed someone. In order to change and make amends, you need to recognize that by behaving like that, you have created problems.
- Avoid making excuses in front of yourself. Don't think: "It's true, I was abrupt with my friends, but I was too stressed", or: "Of course, I didn't behave well yesterday, but it is the fault of the situation I experienced when I was a child".
- If you make excuses, you are more likely to fall back into the same behavioral dynamics in the future. Instead, think: "I made a mistake. Now it is something I can no longer change, but I can commit myself to change for the better."
Step 3. Cultivate empathy
If you want to remedy an offense, try to put yourself in the shoes of the person you hurt. Think back to what you said or did. Imagine how the person who suffered your abuse felt.
- Empathizing can be tricky. This is especially true if you are looking to improve. If you forgive yourself, you are less likely to put yourself in the other person's shoes, but forgiving yourself is also not easy.
- To really change you must have an empathic attitude towards others. Spend a lot of time reflecting on how this happened and putting yourself in the other person's shoes - it will help you be more cautious and less reckless in the future.
Step 4. Find a way to repair
Sometimes it may be enough to apologize, sometimes it is a question of finding a concrete way to make amends for an offense. After you have done an examination of conscience and have recognized your faults, try to fix it.
- In some cases, the solution seems obvious. If, for example, you've damaged someone else's property, it's about repairing the damage. If, on the other hand, you have borrowed money without repaying it, it is a question of honoring your debt.
- In other cases, the damage is more difficult to quantify. You may have to apologize and prove that you have really changed. It takes time to recover from a broken relationship, but it's always worth it - it will help you accept your mistakes and come out stronger.
- In still other cases, it is a strictly personal matter: you have not offended anyone, but you are disappointed in yourself. If you've made some bad decisions, think about how to do better in the future - maybe there's still a chance to catch up. If, for example, you've spent too much spending this month going out with friends and making unnecessary purchases, you can try to limit your expenses as much as possible until your next salary or pocket money.
Part 3 of 3: Accept yourself
Step 1. Avoid seeing everything black or white
If you can't put your mistakes behind you, it may be because of your world view - perhaps you have a tendency to have a dichotomous view of the world and yourself. If you see life as a battlefield between opposing forces, such as right and wrong, good and evil, and so on, remember that shades of gray also exist.
- Stop judging yourself. You don't always have to stigmatize your behavior - it's okay to acknowledge that you want to change and disapprove of your actions in a given circumstance, but blaming yourself regardless can be counterproductive.
- Instead, try to accept yourself. In some cases you are disoriented and operate in an ambiguous context. You can make a mistake without necessarily cataloging your actions or yourself and without judging everything in a rigidly dichotomous way.
Step 2. Be kind to yourself
Do you treat yourself with the same kindness that you reserve for others? If not, maybe it's time to do it. If you're not the first to treat yourself well, leaving the past behind and making progress will be an impossible task.
- Try to accept yourself as you are, with all your mistakes and imperfections. You are probably well aware of the faults of your friends and family. Does this mean you don't love them? No, of course. Try to grant yourself the same kindness.
- Stop negative thoughts as soon as they arise. If you start thinking, "I'm so mad at myself for freaking out: I'm a poor failure", replace these concepts with more positive considerations, such as: "Okay, I made a mistake, but no one is perfect. some flaws, I'm fine for how I am ".
Step 3. Learn to value your strengths
It is important to acknowledge your strengths as well as weaknesses. If you find yourself mulling over the mistakes of the past, stop immediately and instead think back to all that you have done well.
- When you feel like you are angry with yourself, list your strengths. Grab a pen and paper and write down everything you like about yourself.
- Start with something simple, like "I'm nice to people." Start from this to list the qualities that characterize you.
