As strong as your friendship is, quarrels or misunderstandings from time to time are part of the norm. We are human after all. If you really care about each other, you will be able to make peace. It may take some time, but if you have good feelings, and a little patience, you will soon be able to have your best friend back with you.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Understanding What Went Wrong
Step 1. Isolate the problem
Before you even find a solution you need to figure out what went wrong. Go beyond what was done or said, and determine the underlying cause of the problem. Take these factors into account:
- If you and your friend have had an argument, think about how you have carried it out. What triggered you? Did your answers increase the tension? If so, how? Make a list of what you believe are the causes of the conflict and try to put yourself in your friend's shoes, think about what his point of view was. Learn to empathize with others to try to understand what they thought and what was misinterpreted.
- If you think your anger has prompted you to do something that hurt your friend, apologize for your actions (but only if you really think you were wrong) and let him know it won't happen again in the future. Sometimes the discussions start from a point and then degenerate into insults or endless quarrels. If you know you made a mistake then apologize, even admitting that you got angry. Show yourself that you can clarify the problem underlying the conflict.
Step 2. If no direct confrontation has occurred but you understand that your friend is ignoring you because he feels offended, then think about what happened the last time you spoke
Did you say something that might have hurt him? Did you not take his feelings into account when talking about a certain topic? You will be able to ask the advice of friends you have in common to understand what is happening. But don't let the conversation turn into a series of gossip or accusations. Your goal is just to figure out what went wrong. If you have no other choice then go directly to your friend and ask for an explanation.
Step 3. If you are the one feeling hurt then sit back and calmly reflect on the things that have offended you
Is there something bothering you lately? Did your friend make any unwelcome comments that you took too personally? Did you have a bad day? If the answer to these questions makes you realize that your anger should subside, and that it isn't reason enough to destroy your friendship, then think about how to forgive him and end your resentment.
Part 2 of 4: Finding a Solution
Step 1. Once you understand the problem, think about how to fix it
First consider the situation from your point of view, think about what needs to be changed, or what you think needs to be done. It is the starting point of a good compromise. Then think about what you might ask your friend.
- If it is a situation where you have 100% blame, or vice versa, try to propose a solution. Remember that even if you were offended it may have happened unintentionally, it could have been the result of what each of you drew from the discussion. Look for a dialogue and try to explain to him that in the future you would like him not to take things too personally, trying not to be too sensitive or paranoid, etc. The quarrel may have been the result of a clash of different personalities, to solve the problem one person should try not to be too sensitive while the other will try to better understand the feelings of the other. This is the evolution that can strengthen your friendship.
- Think of promises that will suit both of you and that are the same for both of you (or at least proportional to the fault). Don't be vindictive and don't think this is a competition where you have to get the better of your friend. It is certainly not the right way to resolve a conflict, if you really want to do it, leave any antagonism at home, only in this way will you be able to put an end to the problem.
Part 3 of 4: Troubleshoot with your friend
Step 1. Start a conversation with your friend
Send him a message in which you express your reflections about it, try to push him to accept a confrontation in which you will calmly discuss what happened. You will want to know his version of events and in order to make peace it is always necessary to confront himself first. So hope your friend plans to discuss things as soon as possible.
Choose the right time, if you can try to find a way to apologize in person and in private. If that doesn't work, then call him on the phone or send a message. Send them an apology message hoping they will be accepted
Step 2. Really reflect on what you did wrong and be prepared to apologize
It is the most effective and most authentic way to achieve reconciliation.
- Do not apologize by placing the blame on your friend. Instead of saying "I'm sorry you took offense for what I said", correct it with "I'm sorry I offended you". The first sentence emphasizes your friend's guilt, the second highlights your responsibility.
- Try not to start a litany of excuses. Present your side of the story by trying to express your feelings to offer your friend another point of view. However, avoid giving the impression that you want to get rid of guilt. (For example: "I felt threatened when you auditioned for the same part as me" instead of saying "I can't believe you auditioned when you knew when. I cared about that part! ").
- Be honest. Only apologize if you really feel it. Otherwise your friend will find that you don't mean it. If you are still angry, take some time to calm down and only approach when you feel you can sincerely apologize.
Step 3. Let it vent
Your friend may still be angry, so let him express his resentment and then repeat your apology again. Ask him if there is anything you can do to be forgiven.
Step 4. Offer a gesture of reconciliation
It could be just a simple hug, or it could be a gift you have prepared for yourself. Whatever it is will have to convey your good intentions and let your friend know how much you care. Here are some ideas:
- Write a nice letter that highlights your friendship.
- Give a bag of biscuits prepared by you.
- Offer to help your friend on a grueling errand.
- Suggest something fun you can do together.
Part 4 of 4: Return to Normal
Step 1. Get back to normal as soon as possible
Don't hang things up too much, rather do whatever you can to get your normal activities back in place. Act as if the fight never happened. Leave what happened behind and try to gain mutual trust once again.
Step 2. Know when to let go
If you have tried to sincerely apologize and have proved your friendship but your friend has continued to refuse all your efforts, perhaps it is time to distance yourself. If he cannot understand what you are doing to resolve the dispute then either he is too angry to reconcile, or he is not your friend at all.
Leave the door open. Don't blame all the things your friend has done to break down bridges and be done with you. Rather, let him know that you are sorry about the end of your relationship and that you will be there anytime he feels ready to approach you
Advice
- Always try to be honest. If you have a problem, talk about it carefully. Keeping everything to yourself, and exploding when it's too late will only start a fight.
- You don't always have to be the one to apologize. If you have realized that your friend never does this then try to point it out calmly.
- Do not hide your feelings, do not be afraid to apologize or even to end the friendship, be yourself. If you are not enough for him or her, it means that it was not a sincere friendship.
- If you know what topics are triggering your friend's reactions, like sports or school grades, don't flaunt your superiority in his eyes every time. Instead, congratulate him, and if your friend asks you how you managed to achieve your success, at that point share your victory with him, he will be happy for you and you can celebrate it together!
- Come in first and apologize if you know your friend was offended by something. Don't blame yourself or your friend. Just try to understand what happened and put an end to the problem.
- Don't be afraid to be spontaneous, even crying is sometimes necessary, your feelings can let off steam and you will feel much better afterwards.
- Think about what you say, because once said you cannot retract. He will get even more angry.
- Sometimes it's not possible to make peace right away. Let some time pass.
- If you show up with someone else, your friend may have a bad reaction. This is pure jealousy and it is clear that he still cares about your friendship. There are many chances that you can leave it all behind!
- Don't say things you don't think. Correct yourself even before pronouncing them and learn to control yourself.
- In some schools there are consultants for social relations between students. But try not to magnify the problems by turning to them. Think about whether to talk to your teacher or listen to the guidance of a consultant from your school, they could help you.
- Even after apologizing and fixing the problem, the relationship between you and your friend may never be the same again. Try to be even closer to him than you were in the past. You could send him a card or bring him a small gift.
Warnings
- Don't let anger get the better of you. Check your words or you will only make things worse.
- Holding grudges will only hurt you, you will be exhausted.
- If your friend gets angry or jealous easily, make sure you don't brag too much in his presence. Pay attention to what you say.
