Fantasizing is a healthy and normal way to explore your sexuality and imagine impossible things in real life. Some people feel guilty after indulging in a fantasy. Others worry that they are not creative enough to have a rich imaginary life and may feel dull or monotonous. However, each of us is capable of fantasizing and there's nothing wrong with imagining what you and that cute bartender could do with some alone time.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Feeling comfortable
Step 1. Remember that fantasizing is very different from acting out your fantasies
Does fantasizing about someone other than your girlfriend mean you will cheat on her? Does doing it on a person of the same sex mean that you are homosexual? Probably not. Imagining something isn't like doing it, and it doesn't mean that it's necessarily something you'd like to do in real life.
- Don't think that fantasizing about your girlfriend's friend means you've cheated on her. In fact, imagining yourself with her can help you satisfy the temptation to actually do it.
- Part of the fun of fantasizing is imagining actions you would never do in real life. From flying like a bird to kissing your teacher, you can imagine absurd and imaginative scenarios.
Step 2. Learn that there are no wrong fantasies
In some cases the imagination takes strange turns and leads you to wonder if there is something wrong. You may fantasize about wrongdoing, done or suffered, but that doesn't mean you have a problem. You may wonder if this makes you a bad person, but the answer is no.
- Focus on the impact of the fantasy. Did you feel more powerful and in control afterwards? Or did they seem negative, invasive or compulsive thoughts to you?
- In the second case, the fantasy can reveal latent problems that you have to face.
Step 3. Remember that fantasizing is healthy
Imagination helps us understand what we want to achieve and even which parts of our life we need to improve. Everyone fantasizes, whether it's the delicious meal they want to eat for dinner or kissing the girl they have a crush on. It is a natural behavior of human beings with a curious mind and nothing to be ashamed of.
- Think about how fantasy is connected to your real life. If you imagine yourself being dominated, you may not be in control of certain aspects of your life.
- Studies have shown that if you notice a lack of sexual desire and would like to improve this, regularly fantasizing about your partner can help you regain normal libido.
Part 2 of 3: Learning to Fantasize
Step 1. Find a quiet place to relax
Go where you feel comfortable and you won't be disturbed. Sudden interruptions are not welcome when you leave room for the imagination! Take deep, slow breaths, trying to become aware of your body.
- Close your eyes if it becomes easier for you to visualize the object of your imagination.
- If you wish, dim the lights and play the music to relax.
Step 2. Find out what turns you on
You may never have thought about it. Reflect on the occasions when you have felt most excited. What were you doing? What excited you? If you're having trouble, you can start with common scenarios and let your mind wander.
- Think of various settings. Imagine yourself on the beach or in a cabin, in front of the lit fireplace. If you prefer, try a luxurious hotel room, office or supermarket. There are no consequences in a fantasy, so you can imagine yourself anywhere.
- Think about your previous experiences and expand them. You can exaggerate them, make them more vivid, or repeat them in your mind.
Step 3. Add the person you want to fantasize about
Once you understand what turns you on, you can picture yourself with that special someone. Observe the scene in your mind as if it were a movie, in which you are the director.
- Try to imagine a scenario where you are alone with that person. You may be snow blocked in a cabin, or you may have been locked in the canteen at work.
- Fantastic about all the things you'd like to do with her. Remember that you completely control your fantasy; if you start to feel uncomfortable, you can change the scene or stop.
Step 4. Use all your senses
It's not just the sight that excites us. As you fantasize about a person, think about their voice, their scent, how you feel when you touch them or when they do.
Your imagination will be richer if you also imagine sensory details of the surrounding environment. If you imagine yourself on the beach, how do you feel when you touch the sand with your skin? Try to hear the waves crashing on the shore
Part 3 of 3: Understanding When Fantasizing Becomes a Problem
Step 1. Notice if you begin to lose sight of reality
If you're having trouble distinguishing imaginary from real life, it's time to limit your imagination and talk to a mental health professional. The best thing about fantasy is that there are no rules or consequences, but that doesn't apply to real life. Carrying out your fantasies, especially if you don't have the consent of everyone involved, can have serious consequences.
- If you start to confuse the two worlds and find yourself wanting to engage in inappropriate behaviors out of your imagination, you have lost control of your habit of fantasizing.
- If you find that imaginary life interferes with real life, you are no longer fantasizing in a healthy way and you may need help from a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Step 2. Take a break if you find yourself fantasizing obsessively or compulsively
If you have a partner and you happen to picture yourself with another person from time to time, that's not worrying. However, if you always think about intimacy with someone else, especially if it starts to happen in intimate relationships with your partner, fantasies have become strategies to avoid facing a real problem.
- First, stop fantasizing. Then, even if it's painful, start reflecting on your relationship. You're bored? Do you feel anger? Is fantasizing about another person a defense against intimacy with your partner?
- Using your imagination to deal with some things isn't wrong in itself, but it can stop you from solving the real problem. You won't be able to correct your relationship if you don't honestly analyze what's going on.
Step 3. Realize if you are using your imagination to dissociate yourself
When you dissociate, you disconnect from what is happening. It often happens to those who survive a trauma, when they have the sensation of observing the events that happen to their body from the outside. Healthy fantasizing can help you bond with your partner and enrich your sex life. If you start to feel little present, you feel dissociated or separated from what is happening, talk to a psychologist experienced in sexual relations.
