Children seem to have a lot more fun than adults, but that doesn't mean their life is all about fun and games. Sometimes they can also be sad and, as a parent or a figure in their place, it's your job to figure out what's wrong and put a smile back on their face. To do this, start talking about your child's problems, then try to cheer him up by adopting suitable solutions in both the short and long term.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Begin Dialogue with Your Child
Step 1. Ask him about his problems
Surely you will be worried when you see him sad. He may cry, sulk, behave apathetically or abnormally, arousing a certain alarm in you. There are many reasons why he might be sad, so start asking him what's troubling him.
- Don't be afraid to talk in the most difficult situations. If someone is missing in your family or you are facing a divorce or separation, admit it and answer any questions they might ask you.
- Some children have a hard time putting into words what they feel. Be patient and continue to question him until you have a clearer idea of what is wrong.
- If he cannot communicate his difficulties, he uses the game of 20 questions (to which the child must answer with "water" or "fire") to narrow down the field of hypothesis.
- If you suspect you know why he's sad, get him to talk about it by asking him a few more pressing questions. For example, you might say, "You seem sad about your little friend moving", or "I bet you were sick when Marco didn't sit next to you."
Step 2. Do not minimize his mood
If there is something troubling him, it is important to make him feel that what he is feeling has a certain weight. Therefore, invite him to talk and continue the conversation by answering and listening when he explains what his problems are.
- Give him a chance to put out anything that worries him. While this is a rather sensitive subject for you too, it is important to listen and respond with affection and sincerity.
- Never say to a child (or anyone else in a similar case) "Forget it", "Cheer up" or "Take heart". This will let him know that what he is feeling is not that important.
- Likewise, never tell him that his situation is “not that bad”: it may be true from an adult's point of view, but for a child to feel neglected by a friend during recess could be a bad experience.
- Keep in mind that many children also experience mixed emotions when they are sad, such as anger or fear. Be patient and try to distract your child if he is feeling scared or angry with someone.
Step 3. Share your sadness
Sometimes children don't realize that parents can be sad too. For their part, the latter try to hide it to protect their children. Under certain circumstances it is correct behavior, but it does not lead them to think that mom and dad are immune from sadness.
- By manifesting and explaining how sad you are, you will help your child understand that he is not alone and that it is not a problem if sometimes people get discouraged.
- Tell him that crying is good and don't be afraid to do it in front of him every now and then. Protect him or keep him away from other children, so that no one can make fun of him.
- Talk about your moments of sadness, explaining that you can cry sometimes too.
Part 2 of 3: Comforting Your Child in the Immediate
Step 1. Play together
If your child is feeling sad, try playing with him. You will let him know that you love him and that you take care of him, as well as help him distract from his problems.
- If he still enjoys using toys, play with his favorites. If he wants to play video games, challenge him to a match.
- Give him the ability to play games that stimulate the senses. According to some experts, tactile materials, such as clay, plasticine, sand, rice and even water, allow children to process their emotions when they are sad.
Step 2. Be interested in what he is passionate about
A child's interests vary according to age, sex and character. Regardless of what he prefers, try to get involved with your child's passions. In this way, you will be able to forge a stronger bond and open up to a deeper dialogue on many aspects of his life.
- If he loves comics, ask him a few questions to figure out which ones he likes best or ask him if you can borrow one of his favorite ones.
- If he is interested in a cartoon or TV show, ask him if he would like to watch it with you. This way you will understand his sense of humor better and it will be easier for you to cheer him up when he is sad.
- If you are into sports, watch a game together or buy a couple of tickets for a match.
- You should show some curiosity about his interests. By doing so, you will connect with him and be able to interact when he is feeling down.
Step 3. Give him the opportunity to imitate your behavior, even in the most critical situations
It may not be true for everyone, but many children tend to emulate adults in the circumstances in which they find themselves involved. It could be a family event, such as the disappearance of a relative, or a situation which they cannot fully understand the meaning of, such as Sunday mass or the work responsibilities of parents.
- Imitation is a cognitive process that allows children to deepen a concept in a safe context that stimulates their curiosity.
- Try to show your support when your child reacts by imitation to what is happening. You may feel a little agitated if you emulate the behavior of adults during a funeral shortly after the loss of a family member, but it is his way of understanding disappearance, death and grief.
- Accept if he invites you to join his manifestations, but give him space if he prefers to do it alone or with other children.
Step 4. Take a walk or bike ride together
Physical activity circulates endorphins, or the hormones of happiness. It applies to any age. If your child is sad or angry about something, try practicing some movement with him to relieve stress and restore a good mood.
Step 5. Give him time to be alone
Sometimes children get discouraged if they always have a lot of people around. It can also happen when they use electronic devices all the time. If your child wants to sit next to you, allow him to do so, at the same time making sure that he can spend some time alone without getting distracted by using electronic devices.
- Don't let them spend more than two hours a day in front of the TV, computer or video games. It should be two hours in total, during which he is allowed to use any electronic device, not two hours for each device.
- By spending some time in peace, he will learn to become self-sufficient. In the long run he will also come to process his emotions, relax or feel better without resorting to video games or other distractions.
Step 6. Embrace him
It may seem obvious, but hugging is an important gesture that can comfort a child when he feels sad, stressed or upset. So, hold your child in your arms when he feels down and don't let go until he reciprocates.
Step 7. Surprise him with something fun
A fun surprise is a great way to help children forget their problems momentarily. However, you need to be cautious and prevent your child from expecting gifts or little thoughts whenever he is feeling down. You should also be careful about how often and how you use these kinds of distractions instead of dealing with problems, otherwise you risk compromising his growth.
- Choose a simple and fun surprise that doesn't cost too much. It doesn't always have to be Christmas, but a small gift or a pleasant activity can brighten up the day.
- Try using surprises on the worst days. Don't ask him every time he feels low morale, otherwise he will get used to not facing his problems in the future.
Step 8. Get him used to getting ready for bed
It is important for children to acquire a bedtime routine, especially if they are going through a sad or difficult time in their life. So, make sure your baby gets enough sleep and stop whatever he is doing so that he relaxes before falling asleep so that he wakes up happy and rested.
- Help him unwind and eliminate stress before bed. Read a story together, talk about what happened during the day or give him a hot bath.
- Make sure that the temperature inside his room allows him to sleep peacefully. It should be around 18-22 ° C, but any thermal conditions that promote sleep are fine.
- Remember that children need to sleep more hours than adults. A child between the ages of 5 and 12 needs 10-11 hours of sleep every night.
Part 3 of 3: Raising a Happy Child
Step 1. Teach your child to express their emotions
In order for you to become a person who can feel satisfied in life (and to be able to evaluate how happy he is during his childhood), you need to teach him to express his emotions and feelings. Some children have a hard time doing this on their own, but you can find ways to help your child understand what they are feeling and show it.
- Ask him to list everything he hears. Then ask him why, trying to understand all his emotions and feelings.
- Invite him to express his mood through the drawings. It is a great way to communicate the emotions that harbor in his soul, especially if he is reluctant to talk about them or has difficulty in manifesting them.
- Like adults, some children are more reserved and shy than others. It does not necessarily mean that there is something wrong or that they are hiding something. However, by seeking contact with your child, you will let him know that you are ready to listen to him if he needs to talk.
Step 2. Be consistent
A great way to promote your child's daily balance is to consistently respect certain habits. Always be willing to comfort him emotionally and try to support him. It will probably take some time to develop a routine, but it is important for his happiness and well-being.
Step 3. Encourage him to keep a motivational journal
If your child has never written a diary before, encourage him to do so. If, on the other hand, he is already used to taking note of everything he does during the day, invite him to write a motivational journal.
- It will be a tool that will allow him to learn from the most important and meaningful experiences. It can also help him lift his spirits when he has some bad days.
- It can range to your liking. Start by having him write down his daily discoveries, experiences, questions and, of course, his stimuli.
Step 4. Have some adventures together
By discovering new places and things together, you will come to forge your bond. Your child will become more curious and a new way of seeing and interpreting the world will mature.
- You can visit a museum, take a dance class or pursue a new hobby.
- Venture to a park or take a trip to see something exciting and interesting.
- Make any adventure thrilling in his eyes. Ask him for suggestions or if he prefers something in particular, or submit your ideas before planning.
Step 5. Help him find out what his talent is
According to some studies, it is extremely important for the child to learn to manage their abilities as they grow up, because in this way they realize that they can self-determine, set goals and feel proud of what they have achieved.
- If your child enjoys certain activities, such as watching football matches or dancing competitions, ask him if he would like to take a class or participate in any competition.
- Don't push him to play sports or do recreational activities he doesn't like. Give him a chance to decide if and when he is ready to take on something serious.
- Avoid encouraging him to be overly competitive. Remind him that he will not be able to win every game or competition he takes part in, so try to praise him for his efforts and skill.
Step 6. Teach him to be grateful
Gratitude is not only valid for material things. It is important to teach children to give weight to the positive experiences of life, to the love of the family, to their skills and passions.
- Encourage your child to appreciate the "little" things, like a walk in the park on a nice sunny day or a glass of their favorite fruit juice.
- Try hanging a board on the wall or fridge. Invite him to fill it out by writing down everything he loves about his family, himself and the world around him.
Step 7. Know when to ask for help
Most children experience ups and downs in their normal daily lives, but some may suffer from clinical depression, exhibit behavioral problems, or suffer trauma. If your child has one of the following symptoms on a regular basis, consider contacting a child psychologist:
- Development delays (lexical, linguistic or in the use of the toilet);
- Learning difficulties or attention problems;
- Behavioral problems, such as outbursts of anger, aggressive behavior, rebellious behavior, nocturnal enuresis (wetting the bed) or eating disorders;
- Decline in academic performance;
- Frequent or recurring episodes of sadness, crying, or depression
- Withdrawal from social life, isolation and / or loss of interest in everything that once thrilled him;
- Being bullied or bullied towards other children;
- Insomnia;
- Excessive sleepiness
- Frequent or excessive delays or absences from school;
- Unpredictable mood swings;
- Consumption of harmful substances (such as alcohol, drugs, drugs or solvents);
- Difficulty coping with changes.
Step 8. Find a therapist for your child
If you feel that psychotherapy can benefit you, you need to go to the right professional. In addition to the psychotherapist, you can consider the psychiatrist (doctor specializing in therapeutic and pharmacological interventions), the clinical psychologist (professional with a background in psychology) or the social worker (often with a degree in psychology, but not always). Check to find out which type of care is best suited to your child's needs.
- To begin, ask your pediatrician or child's doctor for advice on who you can go to. You can also ask a friend, relative or colleague you trust for information.
- You can also search for a child psychologist in your city via the Internet.
- Once you've found him, ask him if he's willing to meet you for a quick consultation in person or over the phone. You should get a clearer idea of how it works before starting therapy.
- Some therapists, unlike others, pay a fee even for a single consultation. Find out about their fees to avoid unpleasant surprises.
- Make sure that the psychologist you are considering has all the requirements to practice his profession. You should also check his credentials and work experience.
- Ask him how long he has been working with children and teenagers.
- Choose an open and likeable professional and make sure your child likes you.
- Ask him what kind of therapy (cognitive-behavioral, systemic-relational, etc.) he specializes in.
- Try also contacting the ASL psychologist.
Advice
- If you have a pet in your home, invite your child to pick him up and play with him (if possible), as it can be very comforting.
- When your child feels sad, spend some time with them. It is important that he realizes that you are close to him.
- Try to understand what he is going through, without judging or punishing him for what he is feeling.
