Losing a loved one is hard under any circumstances. Overcoming the fear of losing it is a very personal experience. Fortunately, there are some methods that can come to our aid in these difficult times, such as seeing death in a realistic way, dealing with the fear of losing someone, and accepting support from people.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Seeing Death in a Realistic Way
Step 1. Realize that it is normal to be afraid of death
At some point in life it happens to anyone to fear the loss of loved ones. Moreover, almost everyone is destined to go through this painful experience. According to the terror management theory, the thought of someone's death or loss can produce paralyzing fear. The idea that someone else may die highlights the transience of one's life.
- Know that you are not alone. Those who have gone through such an experience can identify with your situation. If you feel comfortable, share what you are feeling with people who have already gone through a bereavement; in this way you will realize that you can count on someone and that your mood is not subject to any kind of disapproval.
- Don't repress your fears and emotions. Think, "It's normal to be afraid or sad. These are understandable reactions in this situation."
Step 2. Focus on what you can control
If you are caring for a sick person, this situation could increase anxiety, pain, responsibility and cause you to lose your independence. While you will surely do your best to help her, you cannot know how long she will be alive. Then focus on what you can do in the moment, such as spending time together or managing fear and sadness in a healthy way.
- Think about what you can control in this situation. For example, you can manage your behaviors, or what you choose to do. Try your best to reassure and take care of the person you love. Also think about relaxing and expressing what you are feeling to loved ones in order to process the pain of the loss.
- Let go of what is beyond your control. The technique of visualization and imagination allow you to understand what you can and cannot control. Imagine putting your fears on the leaves floating on a river. Watch them as they walk away.
- Set your limits. If you are caring for a sick person, circumstances may bring other difficulties and promote anxiety and depression. Go as far as you can and take the time to take care of yourself. You will probably have to set boundaries with people to protect your moments of freedom.
- Try to cultivate a fuller presence to the experience of the moment so as not to lose sight of the present. We are afraid because we think about the future and what could happen, instead of focusing on the life we live every moment and on what we could do in various circumstances. So value what happens to you all the time (even now, while you are reading this article)!
Step 3. Accept the loss
According to some studies, when people accept the general idea of death, they deal more easily with the loss of a loved one and show a stronger ability to react.
- You may begin to accept the event of death by listing all the most difficult emotions and thoughts that feed the fear of losing the person you love. Write down all your innermost worries and fears and accept them. Think, "I accept my fear and my pain. I recognize that I could lose this person overnight. It will be difficult, but I realize that death is part of life."
- Never forget that death is part of life. Unfortunately, losing someone we love is something we all face, sooner or later.
Step 4. Look at reality with a positive eye
When we believe the world is fair, we are stronger and have less difficulty coping with the loss of loved ones.
- One way to see reality with a more positive outlook is to recognize that existence is a cycle and that life and death are natural events. For there to be life, death must also intervene. Try to see the beauty of these two forces that come to compose an incredible circle: we can learn to appreciate it and be grateful to it. When one person dies, another can live.
- Be grateful. He thinks, "I may lose this person, but I still have some time left to spend with her. I will focus on that and be grateful for the moments we can share. I am grateful for every moment that I can be with her." You can also be grateful that you have had the opportunity to come into the world.
- If the person you love is in pain, you may think that once they are gone, they will not suffer any more. Try to focus on the fact that regardless of his (and your) faith, he will rest in peace.
Part 2 of 3: Coping with the Fear of Losing Someone
Step 1. Develop adaptability
Not having adaptation strategies to manage the loss of a loved one can lead to enormous difficulties and continued suffering following the death. So it is vital to resort to such strategies when you are afraid of losing someone.
- People generally have various ways of dealing with feelings such as fear, grief, grief, and sadness. For example, to deal with the fear of losing a loved one, you can train, write, devote yourself to art, nature, religion (perhaps praying) and music.
- Handle what you are feeling properly. Give yourself the opportunity to feel your emotions and express them if necessary. If depression peaks before someone's death it can indicate a better ability to adapt to their absence once they are gone. Crying can be a healthy and normal outlet for getting rid of sadness and repressed fear.
- Keep a journal of your fears. Write down the thoughts and feelings that arise from the idea of losing the person you love.
Step 2. Breathe deeply
If you find yourself panicking or anxious at the thought of losing someone, deep breathing exercises allow you to reduce physiological reactions (wheezing, rapid heart rate, and so on) and regain your calm.
Sit or lie down in a quiet place. Let the air in through your nose slowly and deeply and push it out of your mouth. Focus solely on your breathing. Pay attention to the movements of your stomach and diaphragm as you breathe
Step 3. Increase your self-esteem and independence
Increased self-esteem can help you manage the difficulties related to death. However, problems that arise in interpersonal relationships, such as conflicts and excessive dependence on others, can make people increasingly vulnerable to the pain that occurs when a loved one goes missing.
- Try to be more independent and organized for a life to live with more autonomy.
- Have faith: you will be able to face the grief and you will overcome this moment.
Step 4. Find meaning and purpose
The belief that everything makes sense helps people cope with the reality of death and alleviate the fear of losing someone. Having a goal in life means living for a specific purpose (like family, a job, helping the world, contributing to the community, and so on) instead of just dragging on or surviving. If you set yourself one or more goals, you will be able to focus on what you need to accomplish when the person you care about is gone. You will feel more reassured at the thought of having something to keep living for once it is no longer next to you.
- Remember that you are a valuable member of society. Think about making your contribution to the world. Do you usually help others? Are you nice to strangers? Do you do charity work or do you volunteer? By recognizing your strengths you will be aware that you have a goal and that you can follow it despite the loss of someone. You can also dedicate some activities or projects to the memory of the missing person.
- Try to make sense of death. For example, you might think that death is an indispensable event for life or that it is simply a door to another dimension or reality (such as someone who believes in the existence of the afterlife). What does death mean to you? Who disappears goes to heaven? Does he live again in the memory of his loved ones? Or will the contribution you make to society continue to live on?
Step 5. Make contact with a higher force
Anything that is greater and more powerful can represent a greater force. By deepening the link with your faith, your spiritual values or your vision of the world, you will be able to face the problems related to death.
- If you are not a believer or do not have faith in the existence of a divine creator try to focus on a higher power, such as nature (the moon and the ocean are very powerful), to trust a group of people (since the union of several individuals generates a greater strength than that of the individual).
- Write a letter to the power you trust, expressing your fear of losing the person you love.
- Mention everything you think and feel in your prayers. Make a vow for what you want (for example, for someone to survive or not to suffer).
Part 3 of 3: Feeding Social Support
Step 1. Take advantage of the time you have available to be with the person you love
If she is still alive, try to be with her during her final days.
- Talk about your memories, but also tell her what you appreciate about her.
- Make sure you emphasize how you feel about her. Emphasize how much you love her.
- It is certainly not easy to think that these are the last times you have the opportunity to talk to her, but you have to try to pass on what you have inside so as not to risk one tomorrow having regrets. Try to write down what you intend to tell her before doing it.
Step 2. Talk to a family member
When a family tightens bonds and supports themselves in bereavement, they can better handle the pain caused by someone's disappearance.
- If you feel the need to speak to a family member or friend, don't hesitate. You may not be the only one in need of comfort.
- Surround yourself with loved ones and create a sense of unity by talking about memories or organizing something to do all together.
Step 3. Open up to people you trust
It's not just family relationships that allow you to ease the fear of losing a loved one. Relationships outside the family also help you deal with someone's death with a positive attitude. To reduce anxiety and fear, it is helpful to open your heart to others.
If you are a believer or have a deep spirituality, try talking to your spiritual guide for comfort and help in prayers
Step 4. Offer your support to others
When we are worried about losing someone and want to get better we must not only receive help from others, but also be willing to give it.
Talk about death with your children. If you are a parent, try to explain this painful event to your children. In the library, you may find children's books to help you deal with this delicate subject
Step 5. Keep the relationship alive
One of the biggest fears a person can have at the thought of losing someone is the end of the relationship that binds them to the deceased. However, relationships overcome death in memories, prayers, feelings and thoughts.
Focus on the fact that your bond with those who are no longer there will never die
Advice
- If you need to distract yourself, perhaps by going to the theater or hanging out with friends who have not been affected by the bereavement, feel free to do so.
- If you feel like crying, don't hesitate: it is an understandable and acceptable human reaction in times of difficulty.
