It is terrible to argue with a friend. Maybe you feel disappointed and angry or you just want to reconcile with him. Even if you feel like nothing is going back, you can mend the relationship by contacting him and listening to what he has to say.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Taking the time to let off some steam
Step 1. Walk away before the discussion escalates
When tempers heat up, it's easy to say something you don't really think about. If you feel like emotions are starting to take over - or that your friend is losing control - tell him you will pick up on the conversation later and walk away.
Even if it mortifies you, try not to get involved in the discussion again. Think he's just letting off steam and let him go
Step 2. Take a few deep breaths to calm down
The first thing to do after an argument is to calm down. It's not easy when you lose your temper, but anger is counterproductive and will keep you from reconciling with your friend.
- Slowly inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Repeat this exercise several times, trying to calm down with each breath.
- To calm yourself, try going out and taking a walk, meditating or grabbing a spoon and eating ice cream straight from the tub. Whatever it is, take some time to clear your mind.
Step 3. Recognize the role you played in the dispute
Contrasts hardly ever arise and feed on the fault of a single person. Think about your behavior. Try to imagine the situation from your friend's point of view to consider your words from another perspective.
- Have you been feeling stressed lately or were your nerves on edge? These moods may have affected your behavior.
- Your friend was trying to communicate something to you, but did you dismiss him with detachment? In this case, he will have felt mortified and, as a result, an argument will have arisen.
Step 4. Try to see the situation from his point of view
It's hard to step back and look at things from another person's point of view, but if you can put yourself in your friend's shoes, you'll show him that you don't just care what you think, but your relationship as well.
Part 2 of 3: Prepare to Apologize
Step 1. Keep your opinions to yourself
Do not criticize him, do not tell others why you have argued and do not post anything on social networks at all. You will do nothing but dramatize an already critical situation with the risk of making it worse.
Even if you confide in someone you trust, your words may reach the ear of the friend you have been arguing with
Step 2. Try to fix things within a few days
By leaving a quarrel pending, there is a risk that resentment will grow exponentially. Give your friend enough time to calm down, but do everything to resolve the matter as soon as possible.
The time required varies from person to person. Some friends make up after five minutes, while others may take months to reconcile after an exchange of insults
Step 3. Wait to apologize if you are not ready
If you come up with some hasty excuse just because you're tired of arguing, the other person may accuse you by saying you're not being sincere.
You will be ready to apologize when you realize that you are no longer angry or when the idea of mending your friendship is more important than the resentment that arose from what he said or did
Step 4. Don't apologize just because you want to get him to express his displeasure
He is not necessarily ready to apologize. You should tell him your regret because you actually feel bad at the thought of hurting him. Instead, try talking to him without expecting anything in return.
You should apologize when you feel ready, even if your friend isn't willing to do the same. Just ask him to listen to you and explain why you are hurt
Step 5. Find a moment to talk to him
A face-to-face meeting will help you reconnect and allow him to realize that your apologies are sincere. Call him or text him to let him know you would like to meet him. Offer him the time and place and ask him if he agrees. If not, find a solution that works for both of you.
- Start the conversation by saying, "I miss talking to you after class" or "I feel very bad about what I told you and would like to apologize in person."
- If he isn't willing to clarify the situation, try giving him a little more time. You could also send him a handwritten apology note accompanied by an invitation to meet and talk to you in person.
Part 3 of 3: Apologize
Step 1. Give yourself a sincere and accurate apology
Don't just say laconically, "I'm sorry." Think carefully about why you ask for forgiveness and explain why you are sorry.
- If you know you hurt his feelings, apologize for what you told him. Try it this way: "I'm sorry I called you stupid. I respect you much more than you seem. I have had no respect for you by offending you in this way."
- If you're honestly convinced it wasn't your fault, you might say, "I'm sorry I waited a long time to call you after our fight."
Step 2. Give him a chance to explain his side of the story
Once you've apologized, let him talk. Listen carefully to everything he has to say and try not to get defensive when he gives his point of view on your tackles. You may have done something that mortified or upset him, but you don't even realize.
Step 3. Clarify what you think
Talk about what happened, but don't use it to argue once again. When you want to explain your point of view, try to express yourself instead of accusing it.
- You could say, "That day I was feeling stressed and I lost my temper, but I shouldn't have" or "I felt a lot of frustration when I saw you didn't listen to me, but I shouldn't have attacked you."
- Don't make excuses for your behavior. Explain what your mood was, but take responsibility for what you said and did.
Step 4. Accept his apology if he expresses his regret
Once you apologize, he too will point out several times how sorry he is. In this case, accept his apology and tell him that you are willing to put everything behind you.
If he doesn't apologize, ask yourself if it's more important to hear him say he's bitter or to have him back in your life
Step 5. Give him more time if he is still angry
He is not necessarily ready to forgive you or put a stone on what happened. Respect his position, but don't let him drag you into the same controversy again.
- If he is still outraged, ask him what you can do to remedy it. If he suggests something to you, try to accept and follow his advice. If not, he may need more time or perhaps he prefers to end your friendship.
- Try to be patient if you still can't process what happened. Maybe it just needs more time, but don't make a fuss of it.
Step 6. End the meeting on a positive note
Try to end the conversation in a positive way, regardless of whether you've reconciled or still feel mortified.
- If you have made peace, leave each other with a big hug and plan an outing soon.
- If he's still angry, end the conversation by saying, "I'll always love you and I'll be there when you want to talk to me."
