If you think it's time to recover a friendship and make things right, you are reading the right article. Whether you want to talk face to face, write a message or send a gift, check out these steps to make up with a friend!
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Contact the Friend
Step 1. Make the first move, even if the very thought terrifies you
After an argument, it can be difficult to be the first person to try to reconnect. Try to swallow your pride and be the person who takes the first step, even if it is difficult for you.
If you wait too long for your friend to do this, it may never happen. By taking the first step, you show that you want to begin the path towards reconciliation
Step 2. Plan the things you would like to say to your friend
You may feel a lot of different emotions, all of which can result in a lot of confusing words. Take a deep breath and think about the things you would like to be able to communicate to your friend when trying to reconnect.
Try saying something like, "I know we've had some disagreements, but our friendship means a lot to me. I'm looking for you to see if you'd like to talk about what happened between us."
Step 3. Call your friend or text them to start the conversation
If you don't live nearby or don't intend to meet in person anytime soon, it's okay to contact him via a phone call or text. Also, calling someone or texting them is less stressful than showing up directly at their home.
- While calling or texting is a great way to start talking again, it would probably be best to avoid having the entire conversation just happen on the phone.
- Try saying something like, "I'd like to talk about what happened, so we can mend our friendship."
Step 4. Ask if you can meet in person to talk
Reiterate that you want a one-on-one meeting to discuss the issue. Talking to someone in person is always easier than talking over the phone, so find a time together to meet.
- You could say something like, "I think talking in person would be much better than talking over the phone. Do you have time these days to have a chat with me?"
- If you live far away and can't meet, that's okay. Consider having a video call so you can look yourself in the face while you argue.
Suggestion:
your friend may have no intention of meeting you - and that's okay. Give him his space, but let him know that you are ready to talk to him as soon as he feels willing to do so.
Step 5. Find a time and place where you can talk privately
You can meet at either one's home or choose a public place where you won't be interrupted. A bar, a diner or a park, where you can have a little privacy and discuss your problems. Find a time when you have no other commitments so that you can take all the time you need.
Speaking privately is the only way for both of you to say exactly the things you need to tell each other. If there are other people around, this could put both of them under pressure
Part 2 of 2: Ending the Conflict
Step 1. Apologize for your share of the blame
It takes two to tango, and the same goes for a fight. Even if you didn't start it, you can apologize for letting yourself get angry or for not trying to stop it before it all escalated. Only apologize for the things you are truly sorry about, so your friend knows they are sincere.
- You could say something like, "I'm sorry I yelled at you in our discussion last week and I shouldn't have made it worse."
- You could also say something like, "I'm really sorry for talking bad about you behind your back. I know it's not a good thing and I shouldn't have."
Step 2. Explain why you felt hurt or why you got angry
A lot of arguments arise from situations or actions that hurt you or the other person. Say it clearly, so your friend can understand your reasons and the source of your disappointment. Try to speak in the first person instead of using "you", to prevent your friend from perceiving this as an attack on him.
- Try something like, "When you invited everyone in class but me to the study group, it made me feel left out. It saddened me that you didn't think about inviting me even though we are good friends."
- You could also say, "I was angry that you told Marissa about our friendship before you talked to me about it. It hurts to know that you didn't feel like you could discuss our problems with me."
Step 3. Ask your friend about his or her point of view
Now is the time to listen. Let your friend answer you and tell you his side of the story. Think about their perspective and the things they may have thought of while you were arguing.
You could say something like, "I'd like to know your point of view, if you'd like to talk about it with me."
Step 4. Try to be open minded as you listen to what your friend is saying to you
It's easy to blame him entirely for your fight, but it's rarely just one person's fault. Try not to interrupt it and be open to the possibility that you have made a mistake.
- Your friend might say something like, "I didn't invite you to the study group because I thought you already studied for the exam. I haven't thought about how it might have hurt you or make you feel left out."
- As long as you both have a chance to talk, you should be able to solve your problem.
Step 5. Ask your friend how you can repair the friendship
Make sure he can express his thoughts on how your relationship will develop in the future. Listen to what he tells you and try to adapt your behavior from now on.
- Your friend might say something like, "In the future, I'd like you to avoid talking bad about me behind my back. It hurts me deeply and it hasn't been easy to hear from other people."
- Try not to get defensive while your friend is talking. He listened to you, now it's your turn to listen to him.
Step 6. Make a plan to avoid future conflicts
Talk to your friend about how you can communicate better in the future to avoid arguing like this again. You may need to ask more questions, talk about your commitments, or set boundaries for your relationship before leaving the past behind.
For example, you could say, "I think, in the future, I'd like you to invite me to any kind of meeting, even if you think I may not be interested in it. That way I won't feel left out and I can decide for myself whether I want to come or not."
Step 7. Forgive each other and look forward
Now that you have discussed your problems, it is time to leave them behind. Mutually accept your apologies and commit to bringing your friendship back to how it was before the fight.
- You could say something like, "Now that we have a plan, I hope it's all over and we can continue to be friends. Your friendship is really important and it means a lot to me."
- If you have not reached a good agreement or are not satisfied with your friend's apology, it will be difficult to forgive him. Keep talking about your problems until you are willing to leave everything behind.
Step 8. Go away if you can't fix the problem
Sometimes, an argument escalates so much that it becomes difficult to talk about it so soon. If you can't talk to each other without yelling at each other or feel like the conversation is leading nowhere, step back and meet at another time. It's okay to leave the conversation hanging if you think it's not productive.
- You might say something like, "We're just making things worse and I think we both need to calm down. Let's talk about it again in a few days, when we both have a little clearer ideas."
- Leaving doesn't have to mean your friendship is over. It just means that you need to talk about it again when you are able to do so without emotions taking over.
- If possible, plan to meet again within a few days, when both of you are calmer.
Suggestion:
if you need help resolving the conflict, talk to a parent or teacher so you can have an outside figure mediate your conversation.
Advice
- Try not to blame your friend for everything. This will do nothing but make him even more angry and everything will become more difficult.
- Be honest with each other so that you can get everything sorted out faster.
- Respect your friend's decision if he doesn't want to talk to you.
Warnings
- If you need help discussing with your friend, talk to a trusted adult.
- Talking about your fight with other people could hurt your friend. Try to keep your differences between you.
