Did you just have an epic fight with your mom? You've decided to lock yourself in your room and cut all ties with her, but that doesn't work? Some days would you really want it to disappear completely from your sight? Realize that this attitude is getting you nowhere. The relationship with your mother is one of the most important in your life and all it takes is a little effort to make things right.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Think About It
Step 1. Spend some time on your own
Let your mother calm down and give you time to think. Get out of the house if you can, so that you both have space to let off steam. Stay with your friends or go for a walk to clear your head. If you are in punishment and are not allowed to go out, try to calm down in some other way, perhaps by listening to some music or talking on the phone with a close friend.
Step 2. Analyze your role during the fight
Probably, if a disagreement arose, you must have said horrible things to her. Can you identify your responsibilities in the dispute you have had? Have you broken any rules? Did you use bad words? Did you get a bad grade in school? Or did you go on a rampage because he didn't give you permission to do something?
- Think about your faults and try to spot at least three mistakes. This way, you will be able to sincerely formulate your apology.
- Sometimes fights happen when we are in a bad mood, tired or hungry. Did any of these conditions occur? Have you lost your temper simply because you had a bad day at school?
Step 3. Try to see the situation from his point of view
Once you understand better what started the fight and what could have gone wrong, try to put yourself in your mother's shoes. Was she tired after returning from work? Are you sick or are you not feeling well? Did you attack her with a gratuitous charge or offense when she was worried about something?
For several years, psychologists have been using a strategy to help people understand when to manage themselves and avoid heated arguments or decisions made in the wake of anger. The acronym HALT stands for "hungry, angry, lonely and tired", meaning hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness. If you are aware of your state of mind and your mother's emotional condition, you can avoid unnecessary friction in the future
Step 4. Imagine the situation in reverse
Often, adolescents and young people in their 20s fail to understand the mental processes that guide parents to make certain decisions. They just hear "no", without analyzing the reasons behind a refusal. To better understand your mother's behavior, put yourself in her shoes and imagine talking to her child.
- How would you have reacted in a similar quarrel with your son? Would you have said "yes" or "no"? Would you have tolerated her insolence or sarcastic comments? Would you have listened to his objections when his safety was at stake?
- By reflecting on your mother's responsibilities from her point of view, you will be able to develop greater empathy towards her and also understand her decisions.
Part 2 of 2: Improve Communication
Step 1. Go to her and apologize
Once you have calmed down, don't hesitate to apologize. At this point you will have understood and appreciated its position. So, go to her and ask her if she wants to talk (taking into account the moods contained in the acronym HALT).
- If he accepts, start by saying you're sorry. Make an apology by mentioning a mistake or two you made. You might start like this: "I'm sorry I waited the last minute to tell you about the money I needed for school."
- After that, devise a solution to remedy the situation. For example, you might say, "In the future, I'll let you know in advance when I need money before I go to school."
Step 2. Tell her that you have tried to see things from her perspective
Tell your mother that, after much thought, you realize you were being disrespectful or inappropriate during your fight. Show her some aspects of your behavior that didn't contribute to the discussion.
She will surely be struck by the fact that you have reasoned and considered her position. He may even see you as a more mature guy
Step 3. Try to make her understand that you respect her
If you contradict her, show a presumptuous attitude or refuse to listen to her, you are being unfair to her. Even if you are convinced that you did not engage in this behavior, after the fight she may think that you have disrespected her. So, try to show her consideration and consideration in the following ways:
- Try to listen and pay attention when he speaks;
- Stop texting while talking to you;
- Recognize everything that's right for you;
- Tell her what happens to you;
- Ask for his opinion on the most important issues;
- Don't interrupt her when she speaks;
- Do the housework without being asked;
- Call her whatever she likes (like mom or mami);
- Avoid using swear words or uttering slang phrases in his presence.
Step 4. Communicate your mood in a respectful manner
An argument could leave you with a feeling of detachment and disinterest. So once you've listened to your mother and shown her that you can see things from her point of view, try to help her understand yours. Use first-person phrases to communicate what you are feeling without offending her. So, report your needs without belittling their position or beliefs.
Suppose you have a fight because you often go to a friend's house. You might say, "I went to Paolo because he is very upset about his parents' divorce. I understand your concern. It would be great if you could help me support him. I promise you that I will not neglect my homework and housework."
Step 5. Find out what interests you have in common
You will surely wonder what this advice has to do with arguing with your mother. Well, by finding something to share together, you have a chance to build a stronger relationship and improve the way you communicate with her. Spending a few relaxing moments with him, perhaps watching a movie, going for a run or gardening, you will learn to notice all his facets. As a result, the respect and love you feel towards him will increase.
Advice
If you respect her, she will respect you as well and will consider your opinions
Warnings
- Avoid swearing or using offensive language when arguing with your mother. It is a lack of respect.
- Don't apologize until you understand your mistakes clearly. If you do this before thinking about the role you played in the fight, your apology won't be sincere.
