The only thing worse than a fight is having to deal with a guy who is mad at you. It can be difficult to live everyday life knowing that someone is angry with you somewhere, even if you think you are really wrong. Fortunately, this situation does not have to be eternal: to let a guy cool off, just be honest and open with him, choosing the right time to talk to him.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Making Peace With Your Boyfriend After a Quarrel
Step 1. Give it time and space
If you just got into a fight with your boyfriend, you are probably dying to make up with him as soon as possible. If he seems really mad at you, though, it might be best to walk away for some time. Even if you don't want to wait too long, it's still best to give him a few days to soften up and make him want to talk more. Even if you're in a hurry to fix things, trying to talk to him too soon, you could risk sparking another fight or further misunderstanding.
- If he ignores you completely and is cold when you try to approach, it means he is not ready yet. Don't force your hand.
- When he gives the first signs of having softened up, such as starting to look you in the eye again, he may want to talk.
Step 2. Choose the right time and place to talk
When enough time has passed and your boyfriend seems to have mellowed towards you, find a quiet place where you can be alone and have a meaningful conversation. Make sure you pick a good time, for example when he's not nervous about something else and seems open to dialogue. Choosing the right time goes a long way in keeping a conversation going smoothly.
- Let him know that you would like to talk to him instead of catching him off guard. Even if it wasn't in his plans, he may prefer to be aware of your intentions instead of being caught off guard.
- Wherever you are, make sure you can't be interrupted by anyone.
Step 3. Sincerely apologize
If you think you are wrong, it is important to open up to him and be honest. Don't limit yourself to phrases like "I'm sorry you're angry …", as if you were blaming him for reacting badly. Make eye contact, speak slowly, ward off distractions, and admit that you are to blame. You can also go on to explain to him how you feel and why you are behaving, or tell him how bad it is to see him hurt. It depends on how you feel and how willing you are to confide in each other.
Of course, if he's the one who's wrong with you, avoid apologizing just to make things right. Instead, think about whether you really still want it in your life
Step 4. If he wants to talk, listen to him
You have said what you have to say, and if it is now his turn to speak, listen to him carefully as well. Look him in the eye, don't get upset and listen to his words seriously. Avoid interrupting him to argue and do not assume the attitude of someone who does not agree a priori with his words. Let him know that you care what he has to say.
- Even if you think he is drawing an untrue picture of the situation, it is important to hear his side of the story. Once his part has been told, you can discuss it together and try to find a meeting point.
- If you try to really listen to him, you may find that he is right, more than you ever thought. You may also realize that you actually hurt him, although it was not your intention.
Step 5. Show him affection
If you've made peace with your boyfriend, congratulations! Now you can go on with your life - as long as you both make a commitment not to repeat your mistakes. Kiss and hug him often, look for physical contact to get closer to him. But make sure that the anger has really gone away and that, with your outgoing behavior, you are not making him feel uncomfortable. Of course, you don't have to use physical affection - kisses and so on - to get rid of his anger: it wouldn't be a good long-term solution.
When you are well on your way to making peace, physical affection is important to bonding even more. A pat on the hand, a pat on the back, or a kiss on the cheek can really help you reconcile with him
Step 6. Tell him how much you care about him
As you begin to be affectionate with each other again, you can start making more intimate conversations again. Don't be afraid to let him know how much you care about him, how bad he made you feel angry with you, and how happy you are that he's back in your life. Be honest with him and tell him openly how important he is to you. Go even further and tell him how much you appreciate his humor, his intelligence or other aspects of his personality.
- Don't over-compliment him and don't tell him you're madly in love with him if you're not. Be honest and tell him how you really feel about him.
- Let him know honestly how sad you have been after arguing with him and how hard daily life has been without having him next to you.
Step 7. Make a romantic gesture
Romance isn't just for boys! Girls can be romantic too, and it's important to find a gesture that makes your boyfriend capitulate. Create a compilation just for him, buy him concert tickets for his favorite band, write him a letter about your feelings or take him on a surprise date. These actions can help your boyfriend understand how much you dislike arguing with him and how important he is to you.
It doesn't matter how much money you spend: money won't solve your heart problems, it's the thought that matters
Step 8. Plan something he always wanted to do
Another way to make peace with your boyfriend is to get him to try something new and exciting that he always wanted to experience. Maybe you have wanted to practice sport climbing for a long time: go to the gym and do some tests to see if you like it or not. Or he has always dreamed of going to a game with you: accompany him and don't complain, even if you don't follow sports much. He may have wanted to try a new restaurant for a long time - surprise him and book for two.
- The most important thing is to find something for yourself that they like. It will make him understand that you pay attention to his tastes and what he says.
- Again, make sure he's ready to make up before planning a complicated surprise for him - there's always a risk that your plan won't go through.
Step 9. Behave yourself for a while
After you've made up with your boyfriend, try to be careful about how you behave for a while. Do not talk about topics that they are particularly sensitive to, especially avoid the topic you have argued over and try to keep your relationship pleasant, peaceful and fun. Don't act unnaturally just to please him, but try to be careful when talking to avoid starting another fight.
If you wish to advance your relationship, give it some time before starting to argue about saying "I love you" to each other, or about moving in together, going on a trip or doing something challenging as a couple
Step 10. Don't go crazy
Sure, making peace with your boyfriend is important, but there's a limit to what you can do. If you keep explaining your intentions, shower him with love letters, and phone him at all times to ask him if he still loves you, you will make your relationship even more fragile and it will be difficult for both of you to mend the wounds after an argument. Take things calmly and trust that your relationship will grow even stronger as time goes on.
If he has forgiven you but needs space, give him the time he needs - he'll come back to you when he's ready
Part 2 of 3: Making Peace with a Male Friend after a Quarrel
Step 1. Don't speak ill of him with others
When one of your friends is mad at you, you may be tempted to talk to others about it. It would be best to avoid this, however, unless you are looking for advice to fix the situation. If you talk badly about him behind his back, chances are he'll know and he'll be angrier than ever.
It is much better to speak highly of him without his knowledge. He may find out and be more inclined to forgive you
Step 2. Be honest about what happened
It may be difficult to be open to each other, especially if you are two guys: but if you want to continue your friendship, the best way to behave is to be honest. Being open with him right now will lead him to respect you even more and he will be more likely to want to be your friend again.
Let him know how you really feel and what you want to achieve by talking to him. Don't be indifferent just because you're afraid to show your emotions
Step 3. Apologize and make up if both of you are ready
Tell him that you are very sorry about the fight, that you can't stand having problems with him, and that you really appreciate his friendship, so much so that you can't imagine your life without it. If you've made a mistake, it's time to confess your faults and tell him how you feel, so that both of you can move on.
Get to the point with a line like "I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm really sorry." Don't apologize without really thinking it, just to make up: let him know that you really think what you say
Step 4. Hug yourself
If you and your friend are in a close relationship, there's nothing wrong with hugging him. If you've really made up and are happy to be friends again, give him a nice bear hug and let him know that he really matters to you. Guys don't express much in words how much they value their friendships: so if you're shy about talking about it, tell them as much as possible how you feel and then sign a final reconciliation with a big hug.
If you've never hugged each other before, you may feel uncomfortable - try acting like it's a perfectly normal action
Step 5. Be a little kinder than usual
After making up, try to be kinder to your friend than usual to expressly let him know that you are trying to catch up. Do small favors, such as offering him coffee, helping him study for an exam, or preparing for a job interview. Make sure you treat him with even more attention and respect than usual and avoid offending him with superficial comments.
If you think of something your friend wanted to do, like going to a certain movie or going to a concert, invite him and go together
Step 6. Try not to repeat the same mistakes again
If you want to show him that you've really learned your lesson, be more careful in the future. Avoid arguing with him, and more importantly, don't repeat what caused your fight. Be careful how you behave, learn to understand your friend's body signals and facial expressions to understand when he is irritating or when he feels uncomfortable: try to avoid being the cause.
If you keep repeating the same mistakes and fighting again, you will never have a satisfying friendship. If you really care about your friend, you need to be ready to change for him
Part 3 of 3: Understanding What You Shouldn't Do for No Reason
Step 1. Don't apologize via text or chat
Avoid apologizing with a text message, on Facebook, via e-mail and in any way that does not involve a confrontation in person. Making an effort in person shows that you really care about each other and that you are not a coward. In certain circumstances, for example, when you are hundreds of miles away, a phone call may be more advisable - but if you have the opportunity to apologize in person, it is worth it.
- By apologizing online or with a text message, the other may think that you don't care enough about him to make the little effort of introducing yourself in person.
- If you don't apologize in person, the other person may choose not to answer you.
Step 2. Don't ask him a thousand times if he's still angry
Not a good tactic. Sure, you might be anxious to know if he's still angry, but asking him too many times in a row could make things worse between you. Don't think that constantly asking him the same question could make him cool off faster; you may have the opposite effect, as you will constantly remind him of what led you to fight.
When the other is no longer angry with you, you will understand. Asking the same thing a million times will not change the reality of the facts
Step 3. Don't apologize if you don't repent
If you really want him not to be mad at you anymore, don't pretend to apologize, but let him know it's just a way to make him stop being angry. Don't say phrases like "I guess I should apologize" or a simple "I'm sorry" in a passively aggressive way. Let him know that your feelings and sorrow are sincere. Apologizing without really repenting won't do you any good.
- When you apologize, look him in the eye, address him as you speak, and let him know that you are really sorry.
- Don't make excuses for your behavior. Take responsibility for your actions.
Step 4. Don't choose the wrong time to talk to him
Timing is key. Don't try to clarify if he has something important to do, like play a game, go to a job interview, or take an exam. Make sure you talk to him when he's not nervous and is therefore more approachable. Avoid asking him if he's angry in the presence of third parties - if you don't commit to talking to him privately, you'll seem superficial.
If you try to talk to him at the wrong time, he may get even more angry because of your poor timing and, therefore, you will start off on the wrong foot
Step 5. Don't try to fix things too soon
Nobody likes to know that someone is angry with us. That said, if the other is really angry black, it's best not to try to make up the same day. Give it a few days or weeks to cool off before trying to make up. If you try to talk to him right away, he will not be ready to listen to you, he will get annoyed and angry even more.
