In all friendships, sooner or later it happens to argue and have problems. However, while some quarrels are forgivable and even strengthen the relationship once resolved, other behaviors are unforgivable and lead to the end of the friendship. But how do you know which is the right thing to do?
Steps
Step 1. Assess the cause of the dispute
Is it your fault or is it someone else's fault that it has come this far? Was the fight necessary or was it an overreaction? Determining the reasons that led to the fight is crucial in deciding whether or not to save the relationship.
Step 2. Determine the problem precisely
What makes you think that this quarrel was so strong that it ended the friendship? Have you quarreled over religion or politics? These topics often give rise to very intense and interesting debates, but they often do not represent the end of a friendship. Did you fight over a girl? Does it seem to you that your friend has chosen his girlfriend by putting you on the sidelines? Love relationships can end at any moment, but if your friendship is sincere it should overcome this obstacle. Do you have doubts about the sincerity of your relationship? Did the quarrel arise from the fact that the other person broke your trust, didn't keep a promise, or committed a crime? These, on the other hand, are problems serious enough to take seriously.
Step 3. Identify the problems that cannot be solved
For example, if your friend is racist and offensive towards people belonging to other religions, if their feeling is also directed towards you and if the person refuses to change, then finding a solution is not possible.
Step 4. Seek help
Seek advice from a trusted friend (who isn't friends with both of you) or a member of your family. Be as objective as possible and ask for an unbiased opinion. Talking about the problem with a friend or a psychologist can be of great help. But be careful not to talk to mutual friends to avoid making the situation worse.
Step 5. Decide if it is still possible to remain friends
After a bad fight it often happens that you don't want to see the person again. If this is the case, try letting some time pass, such as a week or even a month, to reevaluate the matter again when things have settled down.
Step 6. Evaluate the pros and cons
Do you think it is better to end the friendship for your own good? Imagine your life without this person and think about the consequences, such as the reaction of mutual friends, who may decide to be on your side or not. How will this affect you?
Step 7. Think about whether you have been in this situation before
Have you ever had such a heated argument with this person before? If the answer is yes, the problem between you could be more complex. Also evaluate your past reactions honestly - have you ever had a fight with a friend and then completely wiped them out of your life? Try to understand if you often react in this way by comparing yourself with a friend who knows you well. Now, focus on the friend in question: have you had friends for a long time or do you often tend to end relationships after some time or (even more significantly) when the relationship begins to become intimate and meaningful? If this has happened before, then it is likely that it is his defense mechanism that you will not be able to get him through.
Step 8. Make sure you make a decision for the right reasons
Ending a genuine friendship because you are angry or hurt at some point is not a good reason. In all relationships there are ups and downs, the important thing is to overcome the problems by discussing them together and even strengthening the relationship. However, if the quarrel stemmed from irreconcilable differences, or serious facts, ending the relationship may be the best solution for both of you. Here is an example: if your friend's cousin broke into your neighbor's house, you want to call the police, but your friend wants to protect his cousin, then the problem is unsurpassable because it means your values are different, so it's better to go different ways.
Step 9. Decide once and for all
Know that if you decide to end this friendship you will never be able to go back. Try to inform your future ex friend of your decision in a polite and civilized way. Returning to the previous example, if you decide to report your friend's cousin, it is normal that you are held responsible for his legal problems. Perhaps, your former friend will be grateful to you for your gesture, and in this case the friendship can be recovered. However, if you think you've gotten to fruit, try to be respectful anyway by telling him, for example: "Unfortunately we can't always get along; this quarrel has had a big impact on our friendship and I'm afraid it won't be possible to pretend that we don't. Nothing happened. For that reason I need not to see you for a while, but I'm not sure if there is a future. For the moment let's say goodbye and, who knows, maybe we'll meet again one day and we can start from scratch."
Step 10. Don't speak ill of your ex friend
Always be superior regardless of the circumstances by avoiding speaking badly of that person to avoid unnecessary chatter. If someone asks you for an explanation, answer like this: "Marco and I had different points of view. I would prefer not to talk about what happened between us".
Advice
- Try to end the fight in a civil way.
- Maintain a polite attitude when you tell the person that you want to end the friendship.
- However, apologize to your former friend to avoid future grievances or problems.
