Talking to girls is one thing, but getting to know them takes a lot more effort. You can learn to have better conversations, to feel more comfortable when you talk to them and to deepen your bond, getting to know them really.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Talk to the Girls
Step 1. Start with many short conversations
To start, try to have a lot of short dialogues instead of just one very long one. If you want to flirt with a girl and get her to want to meet you, talk to her regularly.
- Talk to her in the hallways during time changes at school. Exchange a few short sentences, then say "See you later".
- He always says you'll be back soon. This helps her understand that you are thinking about her and she will do the same with you.
Step 2. Listen when he speaks
One of the best ways to get a girl to open up more to you is to be good at listening. Focus on what he says and show your interest.
- Don't dominate the conversation. Ask questions instead of throwing yourself into telling a story. Watch her speak and nod to show that you are paying attention.
- Once he's done, summarize what he said and use his name when you speak. This helps her understand that you are giving her full attention.
Step 3. Look her in the eye
Exchanging glances is very important for developing a good conversation. If you want to get to know a girl better, practice looking her more in the eye when she talks or when you do.
If you can't make eye contact or feel uncomfortable doing it, practice. When watching television, practice supporting the actors' gaze as much as possible, or try to fix a point on their face near their eyes, such as their noses, eyebrows, etc
Step 4. Smile to put her at ease
If you want someone to open up to you, make them comfortable with a smile. Even if you are feeling nervous, serious or if a girl really likes you, you need to relax and soothe her too by showing her your beautiful white teeth. The expression you use when flirting should be a smile.
Even if you don't have a romantic interest in a girl, it's still a good idea to let her know that you enjoy talking to her and that you appreciate her company. A smile helps you a lot to convey this message
Step 5. Read her body language
It's important to make sure you don't bother a person when you approach them and start asking them questions. Find out if your company is welcome by learning to read girls' body language. If she doesn't feel like talking, she will show some of the following signs; in this case you should end the conversation as soon as possible and leave her alone.
- Crossed arms
- Sulking
- Look down and avoid the gaze
- Frowning or holding a confused expression
- Turn away
- Answer you in monosyllables
Step 6. Relax
If you are nervous every time you talk to a girl, learn to calm down. Try to be as natural as possible. Have short, simple, and direct conversations.
In many cases you will feel nervous because you think you have nothing to say or that some stupid phrase will come out. We will talk about this in the next section
Part 2 of 3: Know what to say
Step 1. Ask questions instead of talking about yourself
Many people, especially teens, talk too much about themselves in conversation. If you have a tendency to do it too when you are nervous, try to change your strategy. Ask more questions and let her talk about herself. This helps you feel less pressure and allows you to learn more about her.
- Think of complex and interesting questions, but not too heavy. You can ask, "What do you think about the last chemistry test? Do you think it went well?". Moving immediately to too deep questions, such as his religious beliefs, can be embarrassing.
- Use open-ended questions. By asking "How are you today?", Often the answer will be "Good" and you will not have many ideas to continue. Rather, ask specific questions, which require longer answers: "How is the volleyball championship going this year?".
Step 2. Look for things in common
If you want to start a conversation and get to know a girl better, look for something you share. This helps build trust and a sense of unity. If you can talk about a topic regularly, she will know that she can come to you to ask for your opinion.
- If you are a classmate, you can always talk about school. Ask her what grades she has, tell her how boring the teacher's lessons are and take advantage of all the topics related to the school. Try to study together.
- At the very least you know that you probably live in the same city, so you can talk about topics related to the area. Discuss local events, the best bars in the area and specific aspects of your city.
Step 3. Try to understand his sense of humor
It's much easier to talk to someone when you know what makes them laugh. Is it sarcastic? Clumsy? Do you appreciate nonsense jokes? Try to find out what he finds funny.
- Visit his Facebook profile or on other social networks. What movies do you like? When does he write funny faces or laughs?
- Be careful. If you really want to get to know a girl, usually complimenting her on her outfit or asking her if she got hurt when she fell from the sky are not the right approaches. Hookup phrases, while they can be funny, are the most superficial way to start a conversation. If you don't want to be rejected right away, avoid using them.
Step 4. Recall something he has said in the past
In some cases, the second and third conversations are much more difficult than the first. Once the main topics are covered, what can you talk about? Learning to pick up ideas from previous dialogues is a very important social skill.
- Ask what he has done since you last spoke. "How was your test?" or "What did you do over the weekend?" are excellent examples. It may be enough to ask "Hey, we haven't heard from you in a while, what have you been up to since we last spoke?"
- If you talked about a movie, band, or other similar topic, do some research and bring it up again. "I listened to that band you told me. I really like their second album. What's your favorite?".
Step 5. Don't argue, not even to be funny
Annoying a girl you like is an elementary school attitude. This is not the right way to get to know a person more thoroughly. If you like a woman and want to get to know her better, avoid controversial topics and heated arguments.
- A strategy often used by men good at hookup is to "gently insult" girls to make them more vulnerable. This is not a good way to get to know someone.
- Sooner or later, you will find yourself at odds with people you like. If you know a girl well, you don't always have to agree with her. However, at least in the beginning, don't blame her, otherwise she might get defensive or take offense.
Step 6. Don't write a script
When you feel nervous, you may think that having a reference to follow can be helpful. In most cases, you will only give the impression of being embarrassed and uncomfortable, rather than speaking spontaneously. Even if you're not a skilled speaker, don't become a robot reading a text.
Part 3 of 3: Learning to Know Girls Better
Step 1. Spend time alone together
It is difficult to get to know a person well in a group. If you want to deepen your bond, spend time alone together. Find a quiet place to talk, like a bar or restaurant outside rush hour.
- If you go to school together find a quiet place to sit, away from other students and you can have a conversation in private.
- You don't have to invite her on a "date" and calling it such can put too much pressure on the situation. Just find an excuse to spend time with her and talk.
Step 2. Ask more complex questions
Eventually, if you want to get to know a person better, your conversations will move to deeper topics than school, music and film. Ask her for her opinion on more serious issues, find out what she thinks and speak to her truthfully.
- Learn about political and current events from around the world. Ask her for her opinion on the most recent elections or on other topics of collective interest. Find out what she cares about.
- Ask her what her fears and anxieties are. What kind of person is he? What keeps her awake at night?
Step 3. Talk about the future
What do you want to do in life? Where do you see yourself in ten years? What makes her happy? These are important questions that you will have to ask sooner or later if you really want to get to know someone.
- If you go to school together, talk about your academic future. Are you hoping to go to university? What will you study? What do you want to do after school?
- If you have already finished your studies, talk about where you would like to go in life. Where would you like to live? Does your work satisfy you? Do you want a family? Some children?
Step 4. Open yourself
Your goal is not to impress a girl, or to "amaze" her with your results. If you want to get to know a person, you just have to be honest and yourself. In conversations you have to give and receive. Share your deepest feelings and anxieties if you want her to do the same with you. Show her who you really are and get involved.
- It is possible to overdo the questions and seem like a strange person. If you never reveal anything you think, but ask her if she wants to have children, it won't feel like a conversation, but an interrogation. You too must express your opinion.
- Let her ask you questions too, but don't wait for her to ask. You should both open up the same way, but if she wants to talk more, give her this chance.
Step 5. Get to know his family
Seeing how a person interacts with their relatives can be an experience that can reveal a lot about them. If you really want to understand someone's personality, look at how they treat their parents, brothers and sisters. See if they get along.
- It can take a while, but if you've been with someone for a long time, it's pretty common to be invited to their home for dinner or to briefly meet their relatives. Let her invite you, don't force things.
- Introduce yourself to their family and see how they react to you. Getting to know someone's parents can be as useful as getting to know them to understand more about them.
Advice
- Try to make her laugh.
- Be yourself. Don't try to act smarter, cool, or tough than you normally do.
Warnings
- Ask her for her phone number in a nice way.
- Don't make fun of her, jokes in friendship are enough.
