There are many types of harmful friends, and the worst thing about having certain people around is finding out how they can suddenly stab you in the back. If you feel a negative feeling about yourself, and you have started to have doubts about a friend of yours, it will take some time to be able to understand the true nature of that person. Recognizing the characteristics of a harmful friendship will help you understand the intentions of the friends around you and avoid establishing relationships with the wrong individuals.
Steps
Step 1. Be aware of all the times your friend criticizes what you do
Friends are friends because they are helpful, if they are a support. They do not necessarily have to have the same opinions and always agree, friendship implies a relationship of mutual respect, enjoying each other's company and at the same time accepting differences in personality and thought. If your friend does nothing but belittle you, if he demoralizes you or puts you down, if he thinks you are worthless, if he pities you, then it means that he has long since stopped being a friend to become a critic, an opponent. If you log these feelings often, you almost certainly have a harmful friend in front of you.
Step 2. Be wary of people who gossip about you
Friends who speak badly are not friends at all. Being close to you probably only gives him the opportunity to collect details to chat about. From the moment you realize it, you will have understood that friendship is a harmful bond. Be careful not to judge in a hurry, if a friend makes a mistake once perhaps he could not manage the situation well, if he apologizes, forgive him. If, on the other hand, it is a frequent mistake, open your eyes and make your decision.
Step 3. Pay attention to the way he teases you
It could all start very innocently, your friend makes fun of your weaknesses just to laugh. Gradually it could become a vice, the person will begin to habitually belittle you, even in public, with the intent of embarrassing you by diverting attention from his defects to yours. By putting you in a bad light he will try to turn you into the ideal target of criticism from others, with the intent of saving himself.
Step 4. Evaluate how you feel about your friend, and how much time you spend together
Ask yourself these questions.
- Has your friend recently shown these characteristics, or has the situation been repeating itself for some time?
- Does being with him depress you? Or does it force you to always be on the defensive?
- When you are together do you always have to justify yourself? Do you really feel yourself by his side?
- Are you happy in his company?
- Do you feel it belittling you? Does it attack you? Does he use you?
- Isn't there a balance in your friendship and does it seem too much of a commitment to carry it out?
- Does it make you feel guilty?
- Has your friend ever betrayed your trust?
- Does it seem to you that friendship is troubled by a climate of competition?
Step 5. Recognize what a healthy and constructive friendship is
It is important to know the positive side of things, as well as to keep your eyes open and not get trapped in wearing relationships. In a healthy friendship, both people support and help each other, good friends do not seek competition and if one person reaches a goal, or gets something, the other will not feel envious but will be genuinely happy for her. Good friends take care of each other and keep their confidences a secret, they do not create unnecessary problems, on the contrary, they join forces to resolve a difficult situation when it arises. Beside a true friend you feel satisfied and you can be yourself, you do not need to stress yourself to convince the other, maintaining the bond is like cultivating a garden, a pleasant commitment that always bears good results, it is giving a part of you to receive the same from the other person in return.
Step 6. Analyze the situation and react
If you realize that a friendship has many of the characteristics of a harmful friendship, now is the time to step away and move on. Don't wear yourself out by experiencing a bond that wears you down, lowers your self-esteem, and makes you miserable.
Advice
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Read the texts by Jan Yager on the theme of friendship, for example "When friendship hurts". The author describes six types of "harmful friends":
- Those who do not keep their promises
- Those who have a double face
- Those who are taken only by themselves
- Those who gossip behind your back
- Those who always feel in competition
- Those who find you all the faults in the world
