Trust is a fundamental factor in being able to establish important relationships and carry them forward. When you trust someone, you are able to reveal the deepest secrets to them or, at the very least, you know you are dealing with a serious person, who keeps appointments and arrives on time. Therefore, trust is characterized by several nuances, but in each case it involves placing your faith in someone.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Building Trust
Step 1. Don't hesitate to trust first
It's hard to get involved, but if you're willing to take the first step, it's much easier to build a relationship based on trust. Give it a little try, for example by talking about a personal experience, confiding in a trivial fear, or asking someone to accompany you somewhere. If you're facing a rude or unfriendly person, don't give up and try someone else. However, if she shows interest and tells you an important story in her life or accepts an invitation from you, then you have taken the first step towards a relationship founded on trust.
Step 2. Build trust over time
Trust is not a switch that you can turn on or off as you please. Rather, it grows over time as the relationship progresses. Start trusting people with small gestures - get to a meeting on time, help them run mundane errands - before you tell them an unspeakable secret.
Don't judge a person as soon as you know them
Step 3. Don't rush to confide in yourself
To reveal your personal secrets, fears and insecurities to someone, you need to place tremendous trust in them. Often it is necessary to wait for the relationship to become stronger in order to express one's emotions. So, start confiding in yourself gradually and see how the other person reacts before you trust them completely. Whenever you say something, ask yourself:
- Does she seem interested in what I have to say? Trust implies attention on both sides.
- Is she willing to talk about herself? Trust is a give and take, so both parties need to feel able to open up.
- Does he treat me contemptuously, arrogant, or careless when I confess a concern or concern? Trust requires respect.
Step 4. Evaluate the extent to which you place your trust
There is no single "level" of trust that you can establish with everyone without distinction. There are some people you don't trust much, such as colleagues or new acquaintances, and others in whose hands you could hand over your life. Instead of classifying them into two categories, "reliable" and "untrustworthy", consider trust as a spectrum of a thousand shades.
Step 5. Observe actions and behaviors, not words
It's easy to make a promise, but it's hard to keep it. Note the behavior of others to see if they are trustworthy, without dwelling on what they say. If you ask a person a favor, don't judge them until they have intervened. By observing the actions and not the words, you will be able to evaluate it objectively because you will rely on the facts to understand if it deserves trust.
Step 6. Try to be a trustworthy person
If you want to earn someone's trust, you have to be serious. If you never keep your promises, tell people's secrets around, or always show up late, others will treat you the same way too. Think about the needs of others. Help, guide, and listen to them when they say they want to build trust.
- Never reveal someone's confidences to others unless they need help. For example, if a friend suffering from depression has confessed to you that they are contemplating committing suicide, you should speak to a psychologist or mental health professional, even if they have begged you not to tell.
- Keep your promises and don't cancel appointments you've made.
- Be honest, even in the most difficult situations.
Step 7. Remember that no one is perfect
Unfortunately, people never stop making mistakes - they don't come on dates, let slip a confidence or behave selfishly. If you expect everyone to "earn your trust", know that someone will let you down. Trust means turning a blind eye to the errors that can happen and seeing the general picture of the situation.
If a person makes the same mistake over and over again or refuses to apologize for the problems they cause from time to time, it means they are unreliable
Step 8. Believe in yourself
If you think someone deserves trust, then follow your gut. By believing in yourself, you will have less difficulty not only in creating a climate of mutual respect, but also in moving forward if it proves unreliable. If you are emotionally stable and happy, you will not shy away from the risks that can arise when you trust a person.
Part 2 of 3: Finding Trustworthy People
Step 1. Know that, in general, those who deserve trust are reliable and punctual
People you can trust value your time to them, value your opinions, and never put their interests first. If they arrive late to meetings, appointments or events, it may mean that they are not completely reliable.
Be reasonable when applying this concept. Everyone happens to show up late. The problem arises when someone who is never on time always cancels or changes schedules agreed upon
Step 2. Realize that trustworthy people keep their word
Often there is the sea between saying and doing, but the people you can count on practice what they preach. To trust someone, you need to be sure that their words follow certain behaviors. For example, individuals you can rely on:
- They keep their promises.
- They do not leave any tasks, chores or errands they have decided to complete unfinished.
- They do not cancel programs established together.
Step 3. Remember that trustworthy people don't lie
The most difficult individuals to trust are liars because you never know what they actually think. If you find that someone lied to you, even in trivial circumstances, be aware that their attitude could indicate unreliability. Note the exaggerations and half-truths. If they happen every time you see it, it's very likely that you don't deserve your trust.
- Liars often get upset all the time, have a hard time looking you in the eye and change some details of what they tell.
- Their behavior also includes "lies by omission", or the fact of hiding information so as not to have to face the tension or nervousness of the interlocutor.
Step 4. Keep in mind that those who deserve trust also know how to grant it
Most of the time, a faithful friend tends to confide. He knows that trust is a two-way street. So, feel free to open up to him if you want him to do the same. If someone is counting on you, it means that they value your friendship and your opinion, so they are less likely to ruin the relationship with bad behavior.
Step 5. Notice how he talks about people
If he never misses an opportunity to report someone else's confidences or tells you: "Maria asked me not to say it, but …", she will presumably do the same with you when you turn your back. The way a person behaves in your presence suggests how they behave in your absence. If you think others shouldn't give it credit, you probably shouldn't give it credit either.
Part 3 of 3: Regaining Trust After a Traumatic Event
Step 1. Know that it is normal to have trust issues after severe pain
Most people put up a wall of defense after a shocking event and have a hard time trusting others. It's the survival instinct: trusting puts you at risk of suffering again, so avoiding it can protect you from this danger. Don't blame yourself if you can't rely on others. Rather, acknowledge that he is in pain and try to learn from what happened.
Step 2. Remember that if someone has deceived you, not everyone else will disappoint you
There are negative, squalid and untrustworthy people in the world. However, much of it is kind and fair, so don't let a bad experience or a mean individual stop you from trusting others. Always remember that generous people also exist.
Step 3. Don't judge too early
Often, when we are hurt, angry or upset, we react emotionally and make the situation worse. Before you decide not to trust anyone anymore, take a few minutes to think and ask yourself a few questions:
- What facts are I aware of in relation to what happened?
- What do I imagine or suppose about this person?
- How did I behave in this situation? Was I reliable?
Step 4. Realize that we better remember the deceptions of positive experiences
According to a Cornell University study, our brains are predisposed to recall cheating and betrayal (even if trivial) faster than correct behavior. So, when you need to rebuild a relationship of trust with someone, think about the situations in which you have interacted peacefully. There are probably more good memories than those that occur to you at first glance.
Step 5. See if he makes a sincere apology
Everyone is wrong, even the people you thought you could trust. However, what matters most after a fight or an unpleasant episode is how they react. A quick or telegraphic apology shows that there is little sincerity on the other side and that the only goal is to appease you. Sincere apologies, on the other hand, are those presented spontaneously without you asking for them: he looks you in the eye and asks for forgiveness. They are the first step in restoring trust.
If you misbehave, don't hesitate to apologize
Step 6. Resize your expectations
Just because someone hasn't lost your trust doesn't mean they're completely unreliable. Instead of starting from scratch, try to tune it by adopting manageable behaviors. For example, if a friend has told others about a confidence you have given him, do not tell him anything more. However, you can continue to see each other, collaborate on a project or talk to each other.
Step 7. Be aware that you may not fully trust the person who hurt you
Unfortunately, even if you manage to concede some of the lost trust, sometimes the pain is too great to be able to forgive people. If someone has shown you that you don't deserve your trust, don't feel guilty about distancing yourself. You cannot open up again at the risk of being hurt or mistreated again.
Step 8. See a therapist if you continue to have severe trust issues
A very traumatic episode has severe repercussions on the brain, so consider seeing a mental health professional if you are unable to establish relationships based on trust. One symptom of PTSD is the inability to trust. If you don't want to go to therapy, try a support group near you first.
Remember that you are not alone in fighting your problems. There are other people like you who have a hard time coping with traumatic events
Advice
- If you are patient and optimistic, others will also behave this way towards you.
- People can be tough or even evil, but don't forget that there are also generous people.
- Trusting is always a risk, but it's worth it.
