3 Ways to Cope with the Pain of Losing Someone

2024 Author: Samantha Chapman | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 09:13

Pain can be caused by a variety of factors, from the loss of a loved one or pet, to the end of a dream we had believed in. Everyone agrees that dealing with pain is a complicated and difficult process, and that there is no time frame beyond which we can truly say that we have left suffering behind. However, if you can manage your emotions to the best of your ability, if you seek help and support from someone and remember to take care of yourself, you will gradually start to feel better.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Coping With Your Emotions

Step 1. Don't ignore your pain

The idea that by ignoring your pain or hiding it under the rug it will go away on its own is a false myth that needs to be dispelled. Sure, you can continue your life as usual, go to work and pretend that nothing has happened, but in the long run you will just postpone your suffering, carrying all the sadness, bitterness, anger and wounds that continue. to hatch inside you. So the first thing you should do is admit that you are in terrible pain. Admit it with yourself, with your friends, with the whole network of people who support you: only in this way will the suffering gradually slip away.

Step 2. Question yourself

Sometimes the reason for the pain could be illogical and irrational. For example, some people suffer because they are used to doing it so that once they get over the pain they can feel better. Sometimes they may even have an addiction to this sense of triumph. For this reason, always question yourself.

• Is it a logical or a rational pain? Sometimes a person suffers from something they cannot control, trivial things, false reasons, and so on - from a friend who fails an exam, for example. Logically, he has no control or influence over the negative outcome of the friend, but prefers to suffer from it instead of perhaps supporting the friend in a way that is productive. Another example would be rejection in an interpersonal relationship, which is often nonsense. Remember, failure is part of success.
• Is it a productive reaction? Ask yourself if the pain you feel is something that will help you overcome what is causing it? Could it have a positive effect in your life? If the answer is yes, then you are in pain, but if not, you may be irrational or too hard on yourself. Being so sick will get you nowhere.
• Can you do anything about the pain? People are there to suffer while waiting for someone to save them and, in the end, this only makes them even more sad and pained. Instead of feeling so bad, ask yourself things like: What can I do to make things right? If there is anything you can do about it, try doing it. Otherwise, it would be completely irrational and it would be a great wrong for yourself to suffer like this for things over which you have no control.

Step 3. Don't force yourself to be strong

Another thing people who have suffered a serious loss say to themselves is that they need to be and look strong. You may think that no one likes to see you cry, sadden, neglect your self-care and wander around like a sleepwalker, but there's nothing wrong with reacting this way to give vent to your feelings. If you want to look strong so that your friends or family won't worry, that's very nice and gentle of you, but if you are really wracked with pain, don't mind admitting your frailty.

You certainly don't want to let go completely and you definitely don't have to. But don't pretend that you are "tough" and that you have everything under control when you know very well that you are not

Step 4. Cry if you feel the need

There is no limit to the amount of tears a person can shed before they become useless. If you feel the inner need to cry, take out everything inside and cry as often as you wish. Of course, it's best if you cry when you're not alone, but avoid breaking into tears in public. However, if it does happen, it's not the end of the world - people will be understanding with you. Never think that crying slows healing and prevents you from looking forward.

Step 5. If you don't feel the need to cry, don't

Contrary to popular belief, not everyone experiences pain in the same way, and not everyone through tears. You can feel a deep sadness within you without shedding a single tear. It will seem strange to the people around you that you cannot express your feelings more openly. Everyone experiences pain differently, so don't force yourself to cry if you don't feel the need to.

Step 6. Stop thinking about when it will end

You may have heard that "the pain of losing someone lasts a year". It wouldn't be bad if it were true, would it? Unfortunately, each of us has different times to soothe the wounds caused by pain, so don't worry if after months and months of suffering you feel that you have not made progress. It's not really about "making progress," but about learning to look your feelings in the face and figure out which direction they are taking you. After a certain amount of time has passed since the painful event, people may have certain expectations about your emotional status, but your feelings shouldn't be affected by what people expect of you.

• The fact is, you will never fully recover from your pain. For example, it will happen that you think about your loved one even after so many years, and this is perfectly normal. "Recovering" realistically means finding the best way to cope with your feelings so you can move on, which is a far cry from resignation tout court.

  

Step 7. Don't get obsessed with the so-called "five stages of pain"

If you are in pain, then you have probably heard that every person has to go through five stages of grief: denial, anger, handling, depression, and acceptance. However, not everyone goes through these five stages before finding peace and not everyone goes through them in the same order. For example, you may initially feel depressed and later feel anger. If you are also going through these five stages, it may help to know that the same thing is happening to other people, but don't be afraid that you won't be able to get over your pain unless you have gone through all five stages first.

Part 2 of 3: Seeking Support

Step 1. Lean on your family and friends

I'm there for that, right? Your friends and family are not only next to you in happy moments or to spend the holidays. They are there to offer you a shoulder to cry on, a patient ear to listen to you and a hand to help you. Open your heart and talk about your pain with a family member or friend and make it a habit to spend free time with your loved ones in a peaceful and relaxed environment. Of course, if you go to a noisy party with a family member or friend, you risk stressing yourself more; rather watch a movie together or share a dinner if you want to feel a little more relieved.

• If you prefer to be alone for a while, that's okay. Don't force yourself to socialize if you don't feel like it. But if you think you are completely estranged from others, then you could complicate your situation.

  

• If hanging out with your friends actually helps you calm down and calm down, plan to spend more time with them and make more appointments than usual on your schedule for company.

  

Step 2. Find comfort in your faith

If you follow a particular religion, now is the time to get more involved in your faith and your religious community. Talk to your parish priest, your rabbi, your pastor or your imam for comfort and attend the services and events of your religious community. You will be able to meet new people who will offer you moral support, or you can focus more deeply on your spirituality and your religious beliefs, which will be of comfort.

Step 3. Join a mutual aid group

Mutual Aid Groups are made up of people who suffer similar losses, share their pain together, and can understand yours. Perhaps you feel that your family and friends, however friendly they may be towards you, are unable to fully understand what you are going through, because they have never experienced pain like yours. Help groups can connect you with people who are in pain for similar reasons (although no one experiences pain in the exact same way as another) and can help you start over by offering you the support you need.

• However, mutual aid groups are not suitable for everyone. If you find that what you are dating is not helping you that much, you are free to leave it.

  

Step 4. Get help from a therapist or psychological counselor

Sometimes, sharing your pain with a professional who doesn't know you personally can be of great help. A professional can help you analyze your feelings and can give you expert advice. With him you can talk freely, without restrictions or embarrassments, with the certainty that your feelings and emotions will not leak out of his studio. Do not think that only those who have problems or are fragile can go to a professional. Admitting that you need this kind of help is a sign of strength.

• Don't worry if the people around you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable in the face of your pain - it's the lesser evil. However, it is better to say openly how things are than to pretend that everything is fine, showing a forced smile when perhaps you have to face a tiring day at work and you don't have the strength.

  

Step 5. Consider getting a puppy

It might sound ridiculous: Can a small pet make you feel better in the face of grief over the loss of a loved one? It is clear that he will not be able to replace the person you have lost, but he will certainly be able to help you start over, provided you feel ready to take care of him. You will find relief in pampering a being who loves you unconditionally and it will be helpful and empowering to have someone to think about and care for. Pets are also known to relieve stress - here's another thing they need.

Part 3 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself

Step 1. Get enough rest

It may seem trivial to remind you that you need to sleep seven to eight hours a day, but getting enough rest is of paramount importance to you at a time like this. Chances are you will either stay up all night prey to your sad thoughts, or you may stay fourteen hours straight in bed, awake but unable to get up to face the day. Try to find balance by sleeping enough but not excessively, even if you struggle to get out of bed.

• If you have trouble falling asleep, take it easy on the caffeine.

  

• If you really can't sleep, you can ask your doctor for an appropriate medicine, but use it in moderation.

  

Step 2. Stay healthy and healthy

People who are going through a period of suffering tend to neglect their health. It may be that you can only eat one meal a day or that you don't feel like shopping and cooking, so you always order the usual pizza every day. Strive to eat three full meals a day and make sure your diet is nutritious and varied to give you the energy you need, especially at a time like this.

• If you really can't cook, don't be ashamed to ask a friend or family member to do it for you.

  

• Exercise at least once a week. The ideal would be to do them every day. Even a half hour walk a day can help improve your mood and make you stronger.

  

• Avoid drinking alcohol, at least until you start to get back on your feet.

  

Step 3. Pay attention to your mental health

Each of us reacts to pain differently: consulting a psychological counselor is fine, but don't depend exclusively on him. Do yourself a self-exam to assure yourself that your anxiety, depression, or anger states are not becoming too overwhelming. If you can hardly do anything, if you are afraid to take even one step, if you can barely get out of the house, talk to your doctor or a psychologist. Taking care of your mental health is just as important as taking care of your physical health, especially in a difficult time like this.

Step 4. Spend time outdoors

The sun was created to bring joy to people. Get out, go to the park, instead of sulking in your room. Go to the supermarket on foot instead of taking the car. Read while sitting on the porch instead of lying in bed. These are small changes, but they can make a difference.

Step 5. Do some activity in an attempt to overcome your pain

Sitting and constantly thinking about your pain will only make it worse. Instead, dedicate yourself to productive activities that can help you deal with it:

• Meditate. One of the purposes of meditation is to help you find inner strength that you are not aware of. Finding this inner strength can be extremely helpful in feeling it grow. Meditating for just 10 minutes can have a beneficial effect.
• Listen to some music. Music has the great power to change your mood instantly. Listening to good music, and maybe trying to dance, can be a great way to shake the pain off. Keep in mind that listening to sad music will make you feel even sadder, so listen to something more lively.
• Feel genuinely grateful for the things you have. You look up at the infinite universe, spread your arms and say, "Thank you" for all the things you have and try to feel that gratitude. This is a powerful exercise that can help you overcome this suffering.

Step 6. Keep a personal journal

Writing in a personal diary at least once a day is a way to take stock of your emotions, to keep your feelings under control, to reflect and to monitor the progress of your life. Since you suffered the serious loss, perhaps you have the impression that life is passing by without you having had time to reflect: using the diary you can fix your emotions and calmly rethink your existence.

Step 7. Prepare for the explosion of memories

The pain does not have a homogeneous course and without relapses: you will go through moments that will bring your mind back to the loss you have suffered and that will make you feel worse again. It could be a vacation, a family reunion or a meeting with a person who will remind you of what happened to you. If you are going to meet people or attend an event that could make you remember, take all necessary precautions, seek extra support from a trusted person and possibly devise an escape plan.

• If you used to spend a certain holiday with your lost loved one, plan something to do on that particular day several months in advance to avoid the risk of spending it alone.

  

Step 8. Don't make hasty decisions that affect your life

Before making important decisions, wait until you return to calm and rationality. The loss you have suffered may make you think that it is time to make definitive choices, such as ending a relationship, leaving your job or going on a long journey. Think about it and take the time to figure out if it's really worth making such drastic decisions. Even if these are projects that have been in your head for some time, it is best to decide with a cool head, or you may regret it in the future.

• Even if you are convinced that you have already made your choice, take a few more months before actually putting it into action. After the two months have passed, ask yourself with a cool head if that project was really the right idea.

  

Step 9. Find a new balance in your daily routine

Don't fool yourself that everything can go back to the way it was before, on the contrary, take the opportunity to reorganize your life with new habits and new interests. Don't go to the same bar you used to go to on Sunday with your loved one, but choose another one you like. Organize your work differently, to meet your new needs. Find new hobbies and interests and get involved at least twice a week. Try new physical activities, like yoga or running. It is not necessary to change all your habits, especially the ones that worked and liked you even before. Finding new interests, however, is a way to fill your life and not to think too much about your loved one who is no longer with you.

Step 10. Be patient

This does not mean that you have to passively wait for the day when the pain will disappear on its own as if by magic. Unfortunately, that day will never come. Yet, slowly, you will begin to understand that you are able to live peacefully with your pain and that you can start living again. The loved one you have lost will always hold a special place in your heart, will always be there with you, but you will no longer be crushed and overwhelmed by grief. Remember to always tell yourself that you will succeed and that things will get better and at the same time never stop taking care of yourself.