Whether you want to socialize, make a great impression, or establish business contacts, finding a way to connect with people can be a little intimidating at first. However, if you show genuine interest in the person you are talking to, have some meaningful conversation with them, or try to make them comfortable, you will find yourself on the right path to bonding with anyone without encountering obstacles.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Establish Social Relations
Step 1. Find commonalities
While the undertaking might seem daunting, especially in cases where you don't know the person you're talking to very well, finding commonalities is actually easier than you think. You just have to pay attention to what the person says in a casual conversation and see if you have anything in common, like a favorite sports team, a band, or the fact that you both have five siblings. In this case, the important thing is to listen carefully to the other person for something that can help you bond.
- You don't even need to ask her 50 questions - let the answer come naturally in the course of a conversation.
- You may think you have nothing in common with the person you're talking to, but a conversation or two may be enough to establish a relationship. It could be a predilection for an obscure writer, the fact that, by chance, you both grew up ten kilometers apart or that both of you speak Japanese. Don't be discouraged if at first you feel like you can't be more different.
Step 2. Give sincere compliments
This means that you should find something truly admirable about the other person and make them feel good about themselves, but not overdo it. You don't have to give her the idea that you want to flatter her, but show sincere admiration for her. One good compliment per conversation will do just fine. As long as you avoid referring to physical characteristics and overly personal arguments, you won't risk being aggressive. Here are some examples of compliments you can employ:
- "You're really good at talking to people you've just met. How do you do that?"
- "Those earrings are truly unique. Where did you get them?".
- "I'm genuinely impressed with how you manage to be a father and, at the same time, have a full-time job. I can't understand how you do it."
- "I saw your tennis match yesterday. You have a lethal serve!"
Step 3. Learn something the other person has said previously
This is a great way to connect with people you already know and are interested in. If you're dating a friend of yours and she talks to you about an interview she's going to have for an important job or about a new guy who really excites her, you'd do well to delve into the subject or ask her how she's doing as soon as you meet her again. You need to make people feel that you seriously care about what they tell you, and that you think about it even when you are not in their company.
- If your friend has to be the first to bring up that important topic you spoke about last time in order for you to ask, "Oh, that's right; how did it go?", You will give the impression that you don't care much.
- Your friends need your support and attention; if you really want to connect with them, you need to ask questions about the important things in their life. This can also help strengthen a bond with an acquaintance, who may be pleasantly surprised when you ask him about something he mentioned the last time you met.
Step 4. Put others at ease
This is another way to connect with people you already know. Let your guard down, be friendly, compliment them and make them comfortable in your presence. Don't judge what they say, don't cast confused looks, and in general, don't act like there's something wrong with them. Also, don't keep your distance and don't appear to be ignoring them; make people feel safe and happy when they talk to you, so you'll be able to bond with them much easier.
- Strive to radiate warmth and positive energy, leaving others free to tell you anything and feel safe. If they have the feeling that, deep down, you are criticizing them, or that you will share what they tell you with your five closest friends, you will not be able to connect with them.
- If one of your friends is having a bad day, a small token of affection, whether it's a pat on the back or a hand on the arm, will make her feel more comfortable.
Step 5. Open up
If you truly want to connect with others, you need to confide in them and allow them to see a part of you that you don't show to everyone. Some people are unable to connect with others because they are too on guard, or they are too afraid of being truly vulnerable to others. It is better for people not to think that you are too closed or withdrawn; even if you don't have to let everyone know about every little thing about you, as you get to know people you should try to reveal some personal information, to give the impression of being more human and convince them that with you they can make a real bond. Here are some topics you might be talking about:
- Your childhood.
- Your relationship with the family.
- Past romantic relationships.
- Your hopes for the future.
- Something funny that happened to you that same day.
- A past disappointment.
Step 6. Thank people
Another way to connect with others is to take the time to thank them sincerely. This way they will feel appreciated, they will understand that you pay attention to them and that you are aware of the value they add to your life. Make sure they feel appreciated, be open and honest about how important they are to you. Even if you're just thanking a co-worker for giving you helpful advice, or a neighbor for taking care of your cat, making an effort to show your sincere gratitude can really help you connect with others.
- Don't just say "Thank you!" or to send a thank you message. Take the time to look the other person in the eye, say "Thank you," and clearly explain why what they did was so important to you.
- Some studies indicate that thanking people makes you feel happier and makes you both more likely to help others in the future. In this way, everyone wins.
Step 7. Make an effort to carry on your relationships
While it might seem obvious, many aren't able to truly connect with others because they don't deepen and cultivate the relationship, even in cases where they genuinely appreciate the other person. This is due to laziness, shyness, or people feeling too busy to hang out with too many people. However, if you really want to bond with others, you need to be willing to invest more than half an hour of small talk.
- If you feel like you have established a real bond with someone, invite that person to an undemanding meeting, like for a coffee or a drink together.
- Don't be unreliable. If someone invites you somewhere, you should accept or, if not, have a good excuse. If you have a reputation for being the untrustworthy guy, people won't want to hang out with you.
- While it's important to spend time alone, if you never go out you won't be able to build relationships. Make an effort to socialize at least two or three times a week, even if it's just about having lunch with someone.
Step 8. Be there
If you really intend to connect, you need to be present in the conversations you engage in. If you are already thinking about what you are going to eat for dinner or who you are going to see next, the person you are talking to will notice and certainly will not appreciate you for it. Try to make eye contact, listen carefully to what the other is saying, and show him that you are focused exclusively on the present.
Striving to be fully present during a conversation can enable you to enjoy the moment you are experiencing, making you a better conversationalist as a result. Your first impression is likely not going to be very good if you don't have anything interesting to say because all your thoughts are focused on the interview you are about to have
Method 2 of 3: Establish an Instant Bond with People You Just Met
Step 1. Smile and make eye contact
If you want to establish an immediate relationship with someone, when you introduce yourself and start the conversation you need to smile and make eye contact (these are actions that go hand in hand). Studies have shown that smiling is contagious, and by doing so, you will make the other person more likely to smile at you, as well as being more open to you. Continuous eye contact can make her feel like you really care about what she has to say and will increase your chances of liking her.
- While you can occasionally break eye contact so that the conversation doesn't seem too intense, it's best that the other person doesn't think you have other things going on in your head.
- You can practice smiling as you walk past someone to radiate positive energy.
Step 2. Call others by name
Calling a person by name will make them feel important or, at least, important enough to remember their name. Simply saying something like "It was great meeting you, Amy" at the end of the conversation can really make the other person feel a strong sense of harmony with you. There is nothing that makes others feel more insignificant than saying "Can you repeat your name to me?" or "I just can't remember your name …" and, if you really want to bond, you shouldn't just remember their names, but use them as well.
Don't use the fact that you have a bad memory as an excuse. If you truly want to establish an immediate relationship with someone, you should make a serious effort to remember their name
Step 3. Use your body language to have a more open attitude
Body language can help you show yourself more accessible and available, instantly making people like you more. If you want someone you have just met to make an immediate bond with you, you should turn your body towards them, stand straight, avoid fidgeting and crossing your arms all the time, and direct your energy towards them, without being aggressive.
If you are not facing your interlocutor, cross your arms over your chest or assume a slouching posture, they will feel that you are not really interested in what they have to say
Step 4. Don't underestimate the value of a good small talk
Maybe you think this is something futile, suitable only for those who want to establish superficial bonds: in reality, a good chat will allow you to forge real relationships and deepen your relationships with others. When you start to connect with someone you know, you don't need to talk about the meaning of life or how your life was upset by your grandmother's death; you can calmly start a more serious relationship by dealing with frivolous topics and getting to know others little by little. Here are some tips on how to have some great little conversations:
- Use simple topics to move on to a deeper conversation. You can make a casual comment about the great weather last weekend, and then ask your interlocutor if he has done something pleasant to take advantage of it.
- To keep the conversation going, ask a few questions that give space to more articulate answers than a simple "yes" or "no".
- Pay attention to your surroundings. If you see the flyer of a wonderful concert to be held at the university, you can ask your interlocutor if he plans to go there, or what he thinks of the band that will play.
- Talk about light topics. Don't kill the conversation by addressing dark or intense topics too early.
Step 5. Make the other person feel special
Even if there is no need to cover your interlocutor with endless praise, a small comment that shows him how remarkable or interesting you find him will certainly help you to forge a bond with him as soon as possible, even if you do. just met. In the end, all people want is to feel special. Here are some random comments you can make for this purpose:
- "I'm really impressed that you wrote a whole novel. I can't even imagine being able to do such a thing."
- "It's amazing that you can speak three languages."
- "I feel like I've known you for a long time. It's so easy to talk to you."
- "You have a truly unique and infectious laugh."
Step 6. Ask questions
Another way to immediately please a person is to be interested, rather than interesting. While you can try to impress her by being extremely charming and funny, it's much easier to show genuine interest in her by letting her know that you want to know more about her and what she has to offer the world. While you don't have to make it sound like an interrogation, a few simple and timely questions can make the other person more likely to establish contact with you. Here are some topics you might ask a few questions about:
- His hobbies and interests.
- His favorite bands.
- The things he prefers to do in the city.
- His pets.
- His plans for the weekend.
Step 7. Be positive
People prefer to feel cheerful and happy rather than sad or upset; so it makes sense that they are more likely to bond with you and spend more time with you if you keep a positive attitude and strive to talk about topics that excite you and make you happy. If you really can't help but complain, do it in moderation and only with the interlocutors you have some knowledge of. You need to transmit positive energy, which in turn makes the people around you feel the same way - it will be much easier for you to connect with others this way rather than always showing yourself sad or angry.
- If you happen to make a negative comment, try to counterbalance it with two positive comments, so that others continue to see you as an optimistic person.
- This does not mean that you have to completely change your personality or fool anyone, but you should only focus on the good things in your life if you want the people you meet to think of you with affection.
Step 8. Show others that you have listened to them
Finding time to really listen to people can be one of the best ways to bond immediately. When you are talking to a new acquaintance, make sure you truly listen to what the other is saying, without interrupting him or her or waiting your turn to speak; after he is done, respond in a way that shows that you have considered everything he said. This way he will feel much more in tune with you.
If you mention something the other person said earlier in the conversation, it will make him feel really impressed. Most people have the feeling that they are not being listened to enough: if you prove otherwise, you will make a great impression
Method 3 of 3: Make a Bond to Get a Job
Step 1. First, rely on the relationships you have already established
You may think you don't know anyone who can help you in your career, but you may be surprised at how many people you know have good contacts. If you are looking for a new job or want to take a new direction in your career, ask your acquaintances to find out who they know themselves; you could also send an email to your friends describing the kind of position you are looking for and the titles you have, to see who can help you.
Do not think that using your contacts instead of looking for a job "on your own" is something sordid or a way of cheating the system: you are just playing the game, instead of passively taking it. Some studies indicate that 70-80% of jobs are found through a network of contacts, so don't be afraid to take this initial step. Ultimately, it is unlikely that someone will hire you solely based on your knowledge, and you will still have to prove what you are capable of
Step 2. Have your speech ready
If you want to bond with someone to get a job, you need to know how to sell yourself and also how to do it quickly. You may only have a couple of minutes to meet someone who can help you in this regard and, in that moment, you need to know how to distinguish yourself. You can't limit yourself to a quick chat about the weather, but you need to get the other person to remember you and see you as someone who would like to help.
- Whether you are selling yourself or a product, the most important thing is to have an impactful opening joke, which demonstrates why you are a candidate not to be missed, or why your product is something that would be absolutely worth investing in..
- Be short and bright, conclude by offering your business card and saying you can't wait for news. Of course, you should make sure that your interlocutor has a genuine interest in you or your product.
Step 3. Find a way to help the other person
Another way to establish business contacts is to find a way to help the person you want to be in a relationship with. You should think outside the box and take advantage of your skills that are not directly related to your career. For example, if you know that the other person is writing their memoirs, you may want to put yourself at their disposal to provide them with opinions, based on your experience as a writer; if you know she is looking for a venue for her daughter's wedding, tell her that your aunt can offer her a wonderful one at a big discount.
Don't think you have nothing to offer the world. Even if you are looking to network, you still have many skills and qualities that other people can benefit from in so many different ways
Step 4. Be persistent
You may think that stubbornness is counterproductive and that if an employer or business contact were genuinely interested in you, they would clearly show it at your first meeting. Instead, you may be surprised at how often people are approached by others; Set yourself apart by making an extra phone call, bonding with that person at a social or business event, or following up on your relationship by sending an email. You don't have to be irritating, but neither should you give up too soon.
Think about this: the worst result you can get is trying to get the other person's attention without getting any response. This is exactly where you started and, as a result, you have absolutely nothing to lose
Step 5. Be reminded
Another way to network is to make sure you stand out in the eyes of others. You need to find a way to be remembered, even if it is a small detail, such as the fact that you are fluent in Japanese or that you and the other person are both obsessed with Russian writer Sergei Dovlatov. It only takes a couple of details to really stand out, so that others will remember you later when you try to connect with them.
- If you find a way to stand out, you can hint at something simple in an email you send out later, like "We met at business event 101. It was great to find someone else who loves Sergei Dovlatov as much as I do!".
- Of course, this doesn't mean you have to go so far as to make yourself detestable. You don't have to show an overly lively resume or tap dance for the purpose of being remembered, unless, of course, you want to leave an unpleasant memory.
Step 6. Connect with people close to the ones you want to meet
This is another way to build relationships with multiple people when building a network of contacts. Check LinkedIn for mutual acquaintances, or ask people you know to introduce you to someone with a lot of contacts. Don't be shy, but work hard to build a wider network of business contacts.
You never know who can help you, so make sure you are friendly, kind, and helpful to everyone around you
Step 7. Make yourself readily available
Obviously, if you want to establish relationships for work, you need to make it so that others can connect with you very easily. You should always carry business cards with you, have an easily accessible phone, and promote yourself via a website or blog. For example, if someone has heard of you, you need to make sure that they are able to find you through a quick Google search; you don't have to deprive yourself of a network of contacts just because you don't have a personal website.
