Having guests who stay too long is never pleasant. Here's what to do when your parents miss the reference to go home!
Steps
Step 1. Define the boundaries
Prevention is the key to everything. Before anyone actually sets foot in your home, determine how long they will be able to stay. Decide with the family then explain it clearly to the host. You can try: "Of course, we'd love to see you. We have until 6pm tomorrow." Or, if he stays for the night: "Yes, stay away, we would like to host you for two days." This way everyone will have clear parameters.
Step 2. When he behaves well, appreciate him
If the guest lends a hand with the dishes, offers to look after the children, etc., thank him. A successful relationship has a 5 to 1 ratio of criticism to appreciation and yes, that includes one with your mother-in-law too! It might be an ugly beast, but the more you find reason to like it, the easier it will be for both of you to be together in the same room.
Step 3. Don't give in
Once someone takes over your sofa, it becomes easy for them to stay longer than expected. If your host tries to do this too, remind him that it's time to pull out. You could say, "It was a nice surprise and the time has already flown. Thank you for your presence and for adapting to our rhythms. See you soon."
Step 4. Expect pissed reactions like "Who do you think you are
. A lot of people expect others to put aside their desires to make them happy. Only you are the proponent of your happiness and you have to create it. Those who want to push the limits of others, often get agitated and end up creating drama. In this way. feels that you have power over other people's lives. By creating clear boundaries and respecting them, you will show that you are in power, a quality that others may lack and by which they may feel threatened. They may feel hurt or frightened. Let them experience such feelings without them. try to save them.
Step 5. Choose to honor yourself and your family for creating what you wanted
Find a way to celebrate the guest's departure. Share with them your thoughts on what was beautiful, exhilarating and difficult.
Step 6. Try to suggest politely
For example, you can yawn, look at the clock and notice how late it is already …"
Advice
- When you have guests from the same household as you and each one expresses a different desire to stay, it is better to opt for the smaller number of days. For example: if the mother-in-law comes and the wife says she can stay for a week, while the husband says he can only stand it for a couple of days, better choose the two days and find a way to spend time for the two women. together, away from home for the rest of the week. The mother-in-law might stop by the other child's hotel or home and go shopping with his wife, etc.
- If "Dupree" comes, make a list of rules and post it somewhere: you don't smoke, you don't drink until you pass out, you don't use the hedge as a urinal, the critics wash the dishes AND you have to say five positive things about the person who he criticized. Anyone who asks Giovanna why she hasn't gotten married yet will have to sing an entire love song! When someone breaks the rules, smile and point them out.
- When schoolmates stop too long to finish a tournament of some game, it is clear that an adult needs to step in. They could also stop for weeks, especially in summer. It is not just a 'supply' problem. The adult will have to commit to enforcing the time limits from the start. You would never think that certain things could last beyond the week, yet it is. It is useless to believe that your child is thinking about telling his friends. A single mother may have some problems in this case. A man can just say "Go home" and that would end there. Mom will need to be firm regarding the timing of these play sessions.
- Sometimes you will have to admit that you are an uncompromising guest and that maybe your idea of hospitality borders on aggression. If you try to make your guests understand that they should be "grateful" for being "pushed out the door" or throw veiled suggestions that they might help out, then perhaps you should reconsider having guests. Someone who likes to have people in the house doesn't expect guests to do anything, and if you're feeling stressed you can hire a caterer or cleaning lady during that time. A guest has the right to have certain rules about who visits their home, but for others it is simply better not to just invite them. Maybe you could opt to visit family and friends for Christmas or Easter yourself. Also, as a guest you will need to reflect on previously said and done things that have led people to avoid coming to you and think about the possibility of doing better with the next visitors. Those who come to visit you will prefer to stay at the hotel in the future if they have to feel indebted to you for any trifle, or may seriously reconsider their next visit.
- Do your best to keep a sense of humor. When the drunk Dupree starts rambling and telling dirty stories in front of the children, he finds a way to get them out of the room or to get him away.
