Having a broken heart can make you feel like you are underwater when you need to breathe. We base our future on someone we love and trust and suddenly everything vanishes. This type of circumstance can leave people with feelings of a different nature, dismay, anger and above all at the mercy of heavy questions about ourselves and our future. If you are dealing with this kind of personal situation and want to overcome it, try these tips to find the "new" you.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Finding Time for Yourself
Step 1. Give yourself some time for yourself
You've probably been in a relationship for a while or maybe you've been thinking about that person for a while now. The time has come to take a step back, reconsider your life and turn the page in the direction of the next challenge. Anyone can fall, but it is how we get up that defines who we are.
- Take a weekend to do something you enjoy doing. Whether it's hiking, surfing, cooking or just being with your friends; take the opportunity to surround yourself with cheerful people and do the things that make you happy.
- Start writing a journal to record your moods. Writing can be a powerful outlet. It is called "catharsis", the state of mind in which you are able to purify your mind through the expression of your feelings. Write about whatever you want. It will help you feel much better.
- Don't be afraid to be sad. It's a normal thing. Don't feel inferior or stupid if you cry or get angry - these are normal reactions. Suffering is just another step on the path to recovery. Allow yourself to suffer.
Step 2. Put the memories away from your everyday life
You are not trying to pretend that the person never existed, but rather it is about forgetting how important they were and how they broke your heart.
- Go to your room and get rid of all his photos, letters and anything that makes you think about the person you want to remove the memory of. If you already have a diary writing about her, start a completely new one. It's just a symbolic new beginning, but it's definitely important.
- Eliminating is different from destroying. Do not burn or destroy objects associated with that person, unless you are extremely sure that you never want to deal with them again in the future. Once "healed", when you are totally in love with a person who reciprocates your feelings, the memories will simply be the remembrance of what you had to go through to become the person you will be.
Step 3. Disconnect the person from all social networks you use
Nowadays, we all have an online and a "regular" life. Remove his contacts from Facebook, Tweeter and make your online activities not remind you of the person who broke your heart.
If you feel like you want to write them, create a fake email account (for example, a Gmail account) and use it to send us your emails. In this way you will have a way to externalize your suffering without there being a concrete possibility that your ex can actually read what you write
Step 4. Eat healthy and exercise
Join the gym or go out and sweat. Physical activity increases the amount of serotonin in the brain, which acts as a natural antidepressant, thereby improving your mood. It's okay to eat ice cream and drink a milkshake once in a while (who doesn't?), But it's best to stick to a diet rich in fruits and vegetables, lean protein, whole grains, and water. It will not only improve your appearance, but your health as well.
Step 5. Try not to be in the same place with that person if possible
Obviously, this is not a simple thing. The other person has been an important part of your life for quite a while, and your body and mind are used to having them around. However, coldly getting rid of that person is a great way to communicate to your mind that there is a sea of other people in the world who deserve your attention. Why not give this chance to them instead?
- If you go to the same school, make an effort to avoid it. Don't sit next to her on your lunch break; avoid participating in the same voluntary projects. Take the lessons you finally have a way to choose for yourself. As much as possible, make a commitment to "not be present" when the person is around.
- Don't put yourself in situations where you might meet. You know very well the places she likes to go to because you used to go together. If she likes to go to the gym on a Saturday afternoon, go there during the week. If she usually goes to the local supermarket at a certain time, make sure you choose a different one. The best thing would be to just avoid going there altogether.
- Remain courteous if you meet her. Being rude, angry, or arrogant is of no use if you happen to meet her. Say hello as you would with any friend, coolly exchange a few chats and then continue on your way. The best payback you can get on the other person is to fully live your life without them.
Step 6. Stay optimistic
Easier said than done, but whenever you feel super sad, or find yourself mulling over the past, or just looking at the famous glass half full, make an effort to think about something else. Remind yourself how lucky you are and focus on the things you have.
Smile as much as you can. It will help you feel better about yourself. Watch funny movies, read witty books, or hang out with happy friends
Method 2 of 3: Understanding and Forgiving
Step 1. Find out what went wrong in your relationship
Each relationship has its strengths and weaknesses. Identify what went wrong with your past history, or what didn't go very well with the other person. This will allow you to grow as an individual in the future, or it will teach you what characteristics to look for in your next partner. There are a number of things that can normally go wrong in a relationship, here are just a few:
- I have never felt loved / respected. A relationship is mainly based on love and not feeling that feeling is a big problem. Your partner doesn't have to prove it the same way you do, but at least she should be able to make you understand it in some way. It really is the least you can deserve.
- I felt manipulated / used / made fun of. Honesty and good intentions should be a foundation in any relationship. True love is doing something for someone without expecting anything in return. People who use others, manipulate and tell lies just think about themselves, and don't care about others.
- Love just disappeared after some time. The initial part of a relationship, when you are in love with each other, is the period of infatuation. This means that you both felt completely transported to the other person, mainly because it is a new thing. For some, this feeling fades after a while, eventually disappearing. If the other person is no longer in love with you, try to feel lucky for the time you shared.
- I have been betrayed. Trust is a very important ingredient in a relationship. If you don't have any, you will always be destined to live in doubt or to be jealous. If your partner cheated on you, that trust is likely gone. In the future, let someone "earn" that trust by reciprocating in the same way.
Step 2. Don't get obsessed with trying to find a culprit
You too will probably have a way to grow so don't just highlight the other's faults. Focus on the problems, not the people involved.
- For instance. In case you were involved in a manipulative relationship, don't just say "My partner manipulated me and I didn't deserve it", rather say to yourself "I won't let anyone treat me that way, because from now on I will. pay attention to all signs ".
- There are probably some things you wish you had changed or may never have done. Focus on solving those problems in your next relationship. It will give you some extra motivation.
Step 3. Learn from your mistakes
Everyone does it. What defines you as a person is how you learn from the mistakes you make. Learn what went wrong in your past relationship - that it broke your heart - and make sure it doesn't happen again in the future.
Step 4. When you feel ready, forgive the other person
- Forgiveness obviously doesn't happen overnight. It may take a long time before you are able to forgive someone, so make sure you are actually ready. Usually, finding someone who truly loves you makes it much easier to forgive the other person.
- How to do? Recognize that everyone can make mistakes. Try to find out their intentions, and understand why they behaved the way they did. Try to put yourself in their shoes. You don't necessarily have to find an answer, but at least get an idea.
- It is not necessary to tell the other person that you have forgiven them, but it can help. You can secretly keep it inside if that's the way you want to do it. But in case you want to cultivate a future friendship, giving them your forgiveness would make it easier.
Step 5. Avoid arguing with the other person
Sometimes an opportunity is given for someone to speak freely or discuss something that did not go as planned. We behave this way because it can be a method of making sense of everything, like saying, getting over it, accepting and finally moving on. If you are discussing these kinds of things with the person who broke your heart, try to hold back and not allow the conversation to turn into an argument.
- If the person continues to be defensive and starts getting angry, you might say, "I didn't come here to argue. I respect you as a person and your opinions, but it's not worth arguing anymore. adults, otherwise it makes no sense to do so ".
- Don't let yourself be manipulated. The other person may try to upset you or provoke you with nasty or painful digs. Do not give them the satisfaction of succeeding in their intent. Try to be calm, peaceful and completely in control of the situation.
Method 3 of 3: Turning Your Life Around
Step 1. Trust your friends
Your friends can be there, to comfort you when you are down in the dumps and to encourage you to get better. They love you deeply. Relying on them is not unreasonable behavior during your "healing phase". They will probably be the ones who will allow you to get out of it.
- Add ordinary things to your plans too. Plan a movie night by buying tickets in advance. Go to the zoo, to the sea, out for dinner. Renew the fun you were used to by doing even the silliest things. Try to recover that part of your life.
- Talk about your broken heart with your best friend. Trust. Give yourself a chance to let off steam to someone you can fully rely on. It will make you feel so much better.
Step 2. Channel your energy into new activities
What we miss most, when a relationship ends, is no longer having the opportunity to express our love. We can't express our excitement to someone interested because that interest is aimed at you. However, you can always continue these kinds of manifestations of your way of being by writing poetry, painting, singing, dancing, and so on. Go out of your way to turn your pain into something productive.
- Choose to learn something new. Try doing something you know little about so that you have to seriously engage in that field with a new perspective. Try to blow glass, work with pottery, learn to play a new instrument… explore the seabed. Try to be adventurous and open to new possibilities.
- Volunteer. Learn how to repay your community, regardless of the "amount". Volunteering could help you physically see the real impact you can have on people's lives, and it should also make you realize how lucky you are to have everything you have.
Step 3. Take a Trip
It doesn't have to be on the other side of the world, but far enough away to give you some perspective. The world is truly a huge and beautiful place; you should take advantage of it. Bring some supplies or go visit that friend of yours you haven't seen in a while. Being away for a while can do wonders for your broken heart.
Step 4. Stimulate your imagination
Nothing is worse than feeling trapped in overcoming a disappointment. It may seem like a cliché, but your imagination can actually transport you to places you've never been and have experiences you may never have known. Use it. It will make you feel better.
- Read a book every night before going to sleep. You may never have read one, but nothing can stimulate you better to "travel" outside of yourself than reading a book. It will help you cope with your situation better.
- Fantastic about your future. Leave the person who broke your heart out of your mind. Imagine your career, your home, your family… your travels. You should feel motivated to make all those dreams come true. Focus on the potential of positive things.
- Broaden your horizons. Your goals will give you the motivation to give yourself a move and do something. Ask yourself what they are. If you don't have any, maybe it's time to finally find some. Try to be ambitious and aim for the stars. You won't regret failing, but you will regret not trying.
Step 5. When you feel ready, start dating new people
After a few months, many feel ready to go out again. Make sure you've solved some of the problems you had in your past relationship, and make an effort not to make the same mistakes again.
- If you don't feel ready to get involved in a serious relationship, let the other person know that you are still recovering from a bad relationship and that you want to take it easy. Possibly, that person will understand. If not, it means he wasn't exactly the right person for you.
- Don't seek perfection right away. We often hold back from entering a relationship because we want to find the ideal person. That is most likely not the right approach to finding the perfect person. Look for someone who is kind, open, funny, intelligent, and with whom you have an affinity. As for the rest, as they say … "If they are roses, they will bloom".
- Don't be afraid to love. You need to be open to vulnerability if you want to fall in love again. It wouldn't be called love if there was no suffering. Open your heart to the right person and they will pay you back infinitely.
Step 6. Remember the "Two Year Rule"
It takes two years to learn a new job, to settle in a new city, and two years to heal a broken heart. If you expect to be fully recovered in the aftermath of a 3 year relationship you may be sadly disappointed. To get concrete results you need to have realistic expectations.
Advice
- Never date the same person you are trying to heal from. It is not productive and it will not lead to healing. There is no longer "closure", only healing. Think of it as a deep open wound that has stopped bleeding and has just begun to close.
- If you need to let off steam to a friend, just do it once. You will need this friendship later on so better not to abuse its availability.
- For a quick repair after a broken heart - eat something delicious. Chocolate is the number one food for broken hearts as it genuinely helps just enough. It doesn't solve anything but it does raise morale a bit as there is a good chance that it is so low that you need to collect all the "push" possible.
- Focus on yourself. Do things that make you happy.
- It really helps that you have friends who take care of you, and who manage to prevent you from doing and / or saying things you would regret in the future!
- Although you are finally healed, nostalgia will follow you for quite some time.
- Instead of thinking about good memories from the past relationship, focus on the bad ones. It will help you move on.
- Avoid contact with the person you are trying to forget.
- Stop being obsessed with that person.
- Take a moment to relax and breathe. Stress can prevent your brain from thinking clearly.
