Does your boyfriend threaten to commit suicide when you tell him you don't intend to continue your relationship? If so, hopefully this article will be useful for you to end the relationship without feeling guilty or further hurting what will soon become your ex.
Steps
Step 1. You must understand that the threat of suicide is usually - and we usually emphasize - a way to regain control of a situation that has gotten out of hand
If you're the one who wants to end the relationship, your boyfriend has lost control and wants him back. The threat of harming yourself can be a way to get you to obey by frightening yourself.
Step 2. Determine the actual level of seriousness of the threat
Do you know this person well: is she moody, depressed, not new to suicidal ideas in general? If not, he could still be serious. You can't just discard the idea, but you don't want to be the victim of desperate gestures either. Do you have a plan (such as "I'll take some pills" or "I'll shoot myself")? Does he have the means to carry out the plan (does he have the pills or a gun, that you know of?)? If it sounds like a random plan that came out of nowhere and this person is not usually gloomy, disheartened or depressed, it is quite possible that they are just trying desperately to hold you back, and they want to say something upsetting enough to convince you to stay. Again, we emphasize that these are plausible hypotheses; there is always the risk that this person could be very serious. Assuming you believe there is a possibility, albeit a tiny one, of an actual intention to commit suicide.
Step 3. Be direct and let him know that you need to speak seriously
Don't delay talking about the weather or telling him about your day.
Step 4. Sit down and tell him that you are determined to end the relationship
If he threatens to commit suicide, you can say, “This is not fair, you are trying to make me feel guilty and hold me hostage with your threats” (avoid saying “I don't believe you”; it could incite someone who didn't really mean it). This could help you "turn the blame" and throw it back to the person threatening.
Step 5. Go away and call 112 or the appropriate emergency numbers in case you have any suspicions about the lethal intention of the threat
Don't stay with him. Often, staying will only make the situation worse, and the person threatening will become more and more hysterical and completely lose control. This escalation can turn a minor threat into a deadly one. The less self-control a person has, the more likely they are to do something reckless and stupid. If you leave, the drama ends there. If you really fear that he may harm himself, call 112 and report the incident. Be clear about the threats received, and add details like “She said she had a knife and I got scared, so I left,” or “She said she was going to shoot herself. I think there may really be a gun in that house”.
Step 6. Let the experts handle your ex
Threatening suicide isn't always a death sentence - sometimes it's really just part of a plan to get you to stay. Your fear that it might harm yourself makes you stay longer and postpones separation - or prevents it altogether. If this person were serious, you wouldn't be able to deal with the situation. He would need professional help, and you must step aside and allow those who have been educated and trained to come to his aid.
Step 7. Know that it's not just about you
It is about the other person and the type of problems and traumas they have had. You cannot save someone who is absolutely sure that you want to end their life. And, by trying to convince yourself that you can, you will be hurting yourself. Although any of us may like to think we have that power, the truth is that we don't. You can't continue being with someone to save them, because if you try, then that person will know that they can threaten whenever there is something wrong with their life. It worked once before, didn't it? And with every threat, the risk seriously increases - because he has to up the ante to prove he is serious. Therefore, do not put yourself, or this person, in the position of continuing to relive this experience. When you intend to close, close, regardless of the threats.
Advice
- Your heart is vulnerable, don't allow it to drag you back into a sick and mutually destructive relationship.
- No matter how superficial the threat may seem to you, be sure to talk about it with someone who knows your ex. Tell a friend, your mother, any brothers or sisters: explain to them that you are sorry you made him suffer, but that the relationship was not suitable for you, and that when you left him he threatened to harm himself. They need to know that you hope they'll keep an eye on your ex and make sure he's okay. Then forget about it.
Warnings
- Watch out for stalking. People who threaten to commit suicide can become obsessive, and when their threat stops taking effect, the attention may shift from them to you. If you notice any kind of stalker behavior (he follows you to work or school, and is there when you leave the house in the morning; you see his car parked near your house at odd times; he keeps texting and calling you all the time), call the police and file a complaint. If necessary, get a restraining order. Make sure you have evidence every single time he follows you, so you can establish a lead for the police to follow.
- Don't answer calls or messages from your ex. There may be attempts to drag the relationship, make you rethink it, etc. If you do not make yourself available, the person will be a little stronger every day without you. In case it's just a melodramatic attempt to get you to reconsider the breakup, it'll pass.
