If you are friends with someone who has attempted suicide, you are probably worried about his emotional state that led him to make this extreme gesture and at the same time you do not know what to tell him or how to behave. The best thing you can do is offer him your moral support and stand by him as he tries to get through this difficult time. It is important that you are kind and considerate towards him and that you handle the situation tactfully and gently.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Offer Support
Step 1. Show him your availability
The best thing you can do for a friend who has attempted suicide is to simply offer your support, hug him, offer him a shoulder to cry on, and listen to him. Let him know that you are willing to take his phone calls or spend time with him. If he doesn't like to talk about his suicide attempt, don't worry. He may be less expansive than usual or may seem disconcerted, but don't let this act as a deterrent. Your presence may be what he really needs.
- You don't necessarily have to bring up the subject of suicide, but you should be ready to listen to your friend if he wants to tell you about it.
- If the suicide attempt is recent, offer your support by asking him what you could do to be useful and let him know that you are happy that he is still around you.
Step 2. Be understanding
It may be difficult to understand why your friend attempted suicide. He is likely assaulted by a myriad of emotions, such as anger, shame, or guilt. Try to understand the underlying pain of his gesture, whether it is caused by depression, trauma, despair, a recent bereavement or a stressful event, a debilitating illness, drug addiction, or feeling isolated. Remember that your friend is going through a period of emotional distress, regardless of the underlying cause.
You will never be able to fully understand what is going through the mind of a person attempting suicide. But, if you take care of your friend and the suicide attempt is recent, you can make an effort to take charge of his or her suffering
Step 3. Listen to him
Sometimes the best thing to do is just sit down and listen. Encourage him to let off steam by not constantly interrupting him or trying to solve his problems. Do not compare her situation to yours or someone else's and remember that hers is a unique experience. Give it all the attention it deserves, without getting distracted.
- Sometimes listening is as important as saying the right thing.
- As you listen, avoid making judgments or trying to understand why. Instead, focus on your friend's emotions and what they might need.
- It might seem to you that he wants to talk about his gesture continuously, but this is a natural reaction that allows him to process what happened. Be patient and let him vent.
Step 4. Offer your help with the small and big things
Let yourself be guided by him and ask him what he most needs to face this negative period, in order to avoid unnecessary efforts.
- For example, if your friend is nervous about going to a psychotherapy session, promise him that you will accompany him. If he feels overwhelmed, offer to make dinner, look after his children, help him with housework, or do any other tasks that might lighten his workload.
- A simple help with the most mundane tasks can make all the difference. Don't think that a small gesture isn't helpful.
- You could also help him get distracted. If he's tired of always talking about the suicide attempt, invite him out to dinner or see a movie in the cinema.
Step 5. If you are concerned that your friend may attempt suicide again, do your best to protect him
You could talk to his parents, a teacher, or call a suicide friendly line if your friend is showing strong signs of imbalance.
- Search the web to find out the phone numbers or online chats to refer to.
- Remember that you can't take all the responsibility. Family members and other friends should also contribute to help him avoid any elements or factors that might fuel his suicidal thoughts.
Step 6. Ask your friend how you can help him
If you have been hospitalized after your suicide attempt or are undergoing psychotherapy, you probably already have an emergency plan. If not, you can consult an online manual to help him create one. Ask him how you could help him if he is feeling particularly fragile.
For example, the fact that he prefers to stay in bed all day and avoids answering phone calls is an alarm signal that clearly indicates that prompt action should be taken
Step 7. Help your friend take small steps forward
He should consult a psychotherapist and take medications. In addition to making sure he receives the necessary help for recovery, you can help make small changes to improve the quality of his life, without upsetting it.
- For example, if your friend is depressed about the end of a relationship, you can slowly help him get distracted by engaging him in fun activities or by encouraging him to go out with other girls.
- Or, if he is deeply unhappy because he feels he sees no prospect of improvement for his future career, you can help him update his resume or suggest that he resume his studies.
Step 8. Don't act alone
Don't be afraid to be selfish when you ask for the support of other friends, family or professionals. If you feel overwhelmed by the situation, don't hesitate to take a break to reflect or to spend time with other friends. Tell him that you need it to recharge and that you will return to him as soon as possible. It would be advisable to set limits, expressly communicating your intentions to him.
- For example, tell your friend that you would be happy to have dinner once a week with him, but that you would not be willing to hide any warning signs and would ask for help if needed.
- Your friend shouldn't force you to keep quiet and it's important that other trusted people are aware of his or her gesture.
Step 9. Help him be more optimistic so that he doesn't get overwhelmed by negative thoughts again
Encourage him to think and speak positively, challenging the pessimistic mindset and putting latent optimism back into play. You could ask him some questions like:
- Who would you call right now to help you be more optimistic?
- What sensations, images, music, colors and objects do you associate with optimism?
- How do you strengthen and nurture your optimism?
- What dangers threaten to shatter your optimism?
- Try to imagine optimism. What do you see?
- What's your lifeline when you're desperate?
Step 10. Stay in touch with your friend
Make an effort to let him know that he is always on your mind, even when you are not together. Ask him if you can call him and how often. You could also ask him if he prefers a phone call, a message or a visit.
When speaking on the phone, it is not necessary for you to address the subject of suicide, unless you think that he is engaging in risky behavior. Rather just ask him what he is doing or how he is feeling and if he needs help with anything
Step 11. Pay attention to the warning signs
Do not make the mistake of thinking that he will never attempt suicide again, because his attempt failed the first time. Unfortunately, around 10% of people who threaten to commit suicide or attempt suicide eventually kill themselves. This does not mean that you need to monitor their every move, but that you need to be very careful for any warning signs. If you think there is a likelihood of it happening again, talk to someone and ask for help, especially if he constantly threatens to kill himself, is assailed by recurring thoughts about death, or if he says he'd rather get it over with. Remember the Anglo-Saxon acronym IS PATH WARM? (literally "Is the path hot?"), coined precisely to effectively convey the warning signs of suicide:
- I (Ideation) - suicidal ideation, threatened or communicated.
- S (Substance Abuse) - substance abuse.
- P (Purposeless) - lack of purpose, no reason to live.
- A (Anxiety) - anxiety, agitation, insomnia.
- T (Trapped) - feeling trapped, with no way out and feeling a burden for oneself and others.
- H (Hopelessness) - despair.
- W (Withdrawal) - estrangement from friends, family, others.
- A (Anger) - anger, aggression.
- R (Recklessness) - high-risk behaviors, poor self-care.
- M (Mood changes) - sudden changes in mood.
Part 2 of 2: Avoid Harmful Behavior
Step 1. Don't moralize your friend
It needs love and support, not a lesson in what is right or wrong. He probably feels ashamed or feels guilty and emotionally hurt. Moralizing him won't do your relationship any good.
You may be angry or feel guilty about his action and want to ask him why he didn't ask for help. But asking him questions won't help him or your relationship if the gesture is recent
Step 2. Accept his gesture
Don't pretend it never happened and don't ignore it, hoping that things will return to normal. You don't have to completely erase what happened, although your friend prefers not to talk about it. Try to tell him something nice and comforting, even if it's not easy. It is better to bring up the subject rather than remain silent.
- For example, you could say that you are sorry for how he feels and ask him if there is anything you can do. Whatever you say, try to reassure him by showing him that you care about him.
- Remember that you are in an awkward position and that no one knows exactly how to deal with a loved one who has attempted suicide.
Step 3. Don't underestimate the suicide attempt
Many people think that a suicide attempt is only a way to attract attention and therefore should not arouse unnecessary alarmism. In reality it is an external gesture, resulting from complex problems and intense emotional suffering. Avoid telling your friend that you think he did it just to attract attention: by doing so you will minimize the seriousness of his decision and make him feel useless.
- It is important to be sensitive. If you tell your friend that you think he did it to get attention, then you are not trying to identify with his situation.
- While it may be easy to play down your friend's problems, you won't help him overcome the problem.
Step 4. Don't make your friend feel guilty
Such an attitude would indicate a lack of sensitivity on your part, although you feel hurt by his gesture. Your friend probably already feels guilty for making those around him worry. Instead of saying something like "Haven't you thought about your family and friends?", Try to put yourself in his shoes.
Remember that your friend may still be feeling depressed or fragile and what they need most is your love and support
Step 5. Give it some time
There are no quick or easy solutions to dealing with a suicide attempt. Don't expect medications to return everything to normal. The process of working through a suicide attempt is often long and complicated, as is the cognitive process that leads to it. Although it is important to make sure that your friend receives the help they need, do not belittle their problems, thinking that the solution is at hand.
It's good that you want to heal your friend's wounds and stifle his suffering so that everything returns to normal. But remember that your friend needs to work through the pain. The best thing you can do is to support him and offer your help
Advice
- Offer your friend stimuli to keep going, involving him in pleasant activities, such as running, physical activity or a walk by the sea.
- Let them know that crying is a natural reaction to suffering and has a beneficial function. Simply ask him not to get overwhelmed by emotions.
- Don't think that you always have to do something great - your simple company is enough. It is also okay to sit on the park bench or watch a movie on TV.
Warnings
- Any relationship with a depressed or suicidal person in the long run can become unbearable or difficult.
- Regardless of how sincere you may be towards someone who has attempted suicide, your friendship may be rejected. Do not be offended, as it is difficult for a depressed person to accept the help of a potential friend.
- Make sure that the one who has attempted suicide does not feel trapped or cornered when you try a first approach with him.
