Are you a teenager having a boyfriend for the first time or maybe you are a few years older, but have you always had problems sharing the news of your relationship with close relatives? Or are you a boy and afraid to tell your parents that you are gay? Whatever the source of your concern, telling your parents that you have a boyfriend can be scary, but if you introduce the topic right, they will be willing to accept the news. If things go really well, they might even be happy for you. Here are some tips for approaching the discussion with as little tension as possible.
Steps
Method 1 of 4: Giving the News
Step 1. Try writing your speech
If you are afraid of not finding the right words, writing what you will say is a great idea. This can help you work out what you want to say so that you can present your new relationship in the best possible way. That way, when the time comes, you'll be able to talk about it smoothly.
As you write what you might say, you can try to anticipate your parents' responses. That way you can address their concerns as you tell them about your boyfriend
Step 2. Experiment
It is normal to feel apprehensive about telling your parents about your new relationship. Practicing what you tell them can make it easier. Use an understanding friend or relative to practice.
- You can also practice in front of a mirror.
- Ask someone you trust to help you, not someone who might reveal your news before you're ready. For example, choose a cousin you feel close to rather than an older sibling, who may feel compelled to tell your parents.
Step 3. Decide who to tell first
You may feel more connected to one of your parents or maybe one of them is more permissive than the other. Often, sharing the news with the parent you are most comfortable with can allow you to talk to the other person with fewer worries.
- For example, if you grew up as a "daddy's nock" and now you can get him to do everything for you, start by breaking the news to him. On the other hand, if your father is often too protective, start with your mother.
- This approach can be especially helpful if you're a teenager and need to introduce your first boyfriend.
- If, on the other hand, you think your parents may have a similar reaction (for better or for worse), get out of your way and reveal the news to both of you.
Step 4. Choose the right time
Don't talk to your parents when they have other commitments or aren't in a good mood. If you wish, you can ask them when they have time to speak. Try to choose a time when there is peace in the house and your parents are not stressed or distracted by something.
Don't use the perfect time search as an "excuse" to procrastinate your ad. Sooner or later you'll have to talk to them, so don't wait too long
Step 5. What are your concerns?
There is certainly a reason why you can't find the courage to tell your parents the truth. Do you think your parents will get angry? Maybe they won't approve of your boyfriend? Or you simply prefer your private life to remain private. Understanding the source of your problem is important, as you will be able to talk about it during the speech.
For example, if you think your parents don't think you are ready to date a boyfriend, you can say, "Mom and Dad, I need to talk to you about something. I'm a little afraid to tell you I have a boyfriend because you probably think I'm not. is big enough"
Step 6. Don't delay
Once you have introduced the topic, you will need to finish the conversation. Don't mince words. However, you can sweeten the pill with a few words of circumstance. For example, you might say, "I really love you and I don't mean to make you angry. Also, I'm going to be honest with you about my private life. I want to tell you about the guy I started dating."
Step 7. Explain why you think you are ready to have a boyfriend
If you're trying to get your parents to let you date someone, explain why you think you're ready. For example, you might be in high school and explain that almost all girls your age have a boyfriend. Be reasonable and don't be angry if your parents disagree with you.
Don't take other teenagers as a yardstick. Parents often don't respond well to similar arguments, so avoid saying "All other girls do!". However, if you accompany your speech with statistics on the average age at which people start having romantic relationships and you demonstrate that you have matured in recent times, you will have a better chance of convincing them
Step 8. Prepare to compromise
If your parents don't want you to have a boyfriend and you need to try to convince them, be prepared to negotiate. You might suggest seeing your boyfriend only in school or only on group dates with other people. Your parents just want to protect you, so you need to be willing to give up some of your freedom.
Hear what your parents have to say and consider whether their concerns are legitimate. While they can be frustrating at times, remember that your parents are older and more experienced than you. They may spot warning signs or problems you haven't encountered yet. If they express their concerns, be on the lookout for signs that may be true
Step 9. Talk about your boyfriend
Tell your parents who he is. Talk about his family and what you like about him. Point out his good qualities so that they understand what kind of person he is. It may be helpful to show them a photo of him.
- Your parents will probably have a lot of questions. It is advisable to answer all of them truthfully and completely, to reassure them about your new relationship. If you try to hide something or lie, your parents may become anxious and suspicious.
- If your boyfriend has a good relationship with his family, be sure to say so. This characteristic is very appreciated by parents, because it makes them understand how much a person knows how to value others and appreciate the close ties of the family.
Step 10. Don't try to hide your relationship
If you want your parents to accept your boyfriend, it's very important that they hear the news from you. If they find out that you are in a relationship otherwise, they may think you want to try to hide it because you are doing something wrong.
- You should tell your parents about your boyfriend, even if you don't intend to introduce him to them in the foreseeable future. As a general rule, the sooner you announce a relationship, the better. Postponing the conversation will only make it more difficult and increase the chances of your parents finding out for themselves.
- If you are quite old and no longer live with your parents, there is no need to talk about all the people you hang out with or have relationships with. Wait to find a guy you're willing to make a serious commitment to before giving everyone false hope.
Method 2 of 4: Addressing Special Circumstances
Step 1. Wait to reveal the negative elements
If your boyfriend has any characteristics that may bother your parents, don't start with those. Instead, wait until the conversation ends to talk about it. For example, if your boyfriend is much older than you, only reveal it when the discussion is almost over.
Step 2. Remember that your parents may get angry
If your behavior doesn't match their expectations of you, they probably won't be happy. You must have the strength to face their anger and even their tears, until you can convince them.
Step 3. Don't rush
Your parents will need time to get used to the idea that you have a boyfriend. If they get angry when you talk to them and tell you that you can't continue dating that person, they may change their mind when they have calmed down. Either way, you need to remember that they will always be a part of your life, so you can't call them bad just because they told you no.
Method 3 of 4: Reveal to your Parents that you are Homosexual
Step 1. Wait for the right time
This type of discussion is complicated, especially if you don't know how your parents might react. Wait until you are ready to talk about it. It's hard to have an argument where your parents question your sexuality, perhaps trying to convince you that you're not really gay.
If you are hesitant about your sexuality, your parents will likely ask you "Are you sure?". It can be helpful to discuss your concerns with them; However, remember that they can ask you if you are sure of what you are feeling. If you're not 100% sure, that's not a problem. You can have feelings for a guy and decide in the future that you prefer women. Your sexuality can change over time
Step 2. Give it a try
While revealing your homosexuality is always difficult, try to start with someone who understands you. For example, if you have a gay friend or know someone who always supports gay rights, talk to them about your sexual preferences before discussing the matter with your parents. Speaking the truth for the first time is very stressful, so start with an open-minded person to make things easier. Also, by talking to a gay person, you may get some helpful advice. Make sure you can trust her though.
Step 3. Tell it as it is
If you have to persuade them, try to present facts about homosexuality. You can find great sources on the internet, such as information about the LGBTQ community on the Planned Parenthood website.
It is a good idea to give them materials or websites that they can consult
Step 4. Give them the time they need
It will take some time for some to accept this reality. Most parents expect their children to be heterosexual, so they will need to change their way of thinking about you. Explain to them that they can take as much time as they want.
For example, you might say, "I know this is very important news and I understand if you need time to get used to the idea. It helped me too."
Step 5. Evaluate whether talking to your parents is the right choice
If you know they will react very badly because of their beliefs, revealing your homosexuality may not do you any good. For example, if you think your parents might kick you out of the house or beat you up, it would be better to wait until you gain financial independence.
- You can avoid breaking the news even if you are emotionally insecure and know that your parents will be very hard on you.
- Prepare in advance to face a bad reaction from your parents. Plan where to go if tempers heat up and know who you can turn to for emotional support.
- You can get help from organizations that deal with LGBTQ issues, such as Arcigay.
Method 4 of 4: How to React if Your Parents Don't Approve Your Choice
Step 1. Listen to their concerns
Remember that love is blind; your parents may react badly to you having a boyfriend, but they may also have legitimate concerns that you should consider.
Calmly and politely ask your parents why they don't approve of your boyfriend. Maybe one of its characteristics causes them to worry and you should also consider it carefully. While the reasons they give you aren't worrying, listening to their doubts and fears can help you understand how you can convince them that your relationship is healthy
Step 2. Try to understand the role of your parents
Good parents go to great lengths to protect their children, so it is natural that they have a hard time accepting the fact that they grow up. You should be understanding.
In addition to being compassionate, you should be respectful. However the conversation goes, you should always treat your parents with respect. If you can disagree with politeness and composure, they will be less upset and may even change their minds
Step 3. Decide whether or not to continue your relationship
Ask yourself how much your relationship with your boyfriend is worth to you and how much your dating can weigh on the bond with your parents. Evaluate the pros and cons to come to a conclusion. Of course you love your boyfriend, but your parents will always be a part of your life.
Step 4. Keep talking
If you don't want to stop seeing your boyfriend, keep talking about the topic with your parents. The more you discuss them, the better you will understand their respective points of view. Eventually you may be able to convince them.
- You should give your parents a chance to meet your boyfriend. If they spend time with him, they will understand better who he is. If he's really a nice guy, he'll eventually win them over.
- It's a good idea to have an informal meeting before telling your parents about your relationship. For example, your boyfriend might have a party at your house with other friends; this would allow your parents to familiarize themselves with him.
Step 5. Discuss the problem with your boyfriend
A Nice Guy will understand that getting your parents' approval is an important step in your relationship. Together, you may be able to find a way to get them to give you their blessing.
- If your parents have never met your boyfriend, he may offer to meet with them to allay their concerns.
- If your parents have given you specific reasons why they don't approve of your boyfriend, talk to him to encourage him to correct the behaviors or conditions that are a cause for concern.
Step 6. Ask your boyfriend's parents for help
Discuss your relationship with them and seek their approval. If they give you their blessing, they may be willing to talk to your parents to try and persuade them.
