You have a boyfriend, but you don't want your parents to know. Maybe they don't approve of it or don't want you to go out with someone. Either way, you'll have to decide what risks to take. You can keep your parents in the dark about your date, but you will need to be cautious.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Keeping the Relationship Secret
Step 1. Assess the risk of confronting your parents and of being caught
Try to understand their point of view. If you want to lie because your boyfriend is much older than you, mistreats you or in some way compromises your well-being, think about why you are trying to hide it from yours. Decide if it's really worth it. Conversely, your parents' reaction may be unreasonable if he is a nice guy and they don't accept him.
- Does it exert a bad influence? Do you have disreputable friendships or do you use drugs? Does he have a controlling personality or does he not respect people? Chances are your parents are just worried that you are dating someone they don't trust.
- Consider religious or cultural differences that might determine your parents' judgment. It is certainly not fair that they dullly impose on you the ideas and values they believe in, but as long as you live with them, you will not have an easy time if you oppose their decisions.
Step 2. Don't talk about your relationship with people you don't trust
People love to talk about others, and news can circulate quickly at school, church, or the neighborhood where you live. Be very careful about the people you confide in and make sure they understand the gravity of the situation. If your friends tell their parents, they may tell yours. If your friends tell their friends, they may tell their parents who, in turn, may tell yours. Don't underestimate the power of gossip!
Tell your friends that you are hiding your relationship. Ask them not to reveal this secret to anyone and make it clear that you are not joking
Step 3. Make up effective excuses
Avoid lying. Just tell the truth about anything that isn't about your boyfriend. If your parents ask you what you did in school and you met your boyfriend during PE class, you don't have to lie. Avoid talking about the gym class, but tell what happened during science, history, and math class.
Step 4. Don't make them suspicious
If you behave strangely or differently than usual, they may start to suspect that you are hiding something. Keep a cool head and don't lose control of the situation. If your parents closely monitor what you do, they may notice some changes on your part.
- If you always text, talk on the phone more often than usual, or spend a lot of time on social networks, they may start wondering who you're in constant communication with. Be more discreet, otherwise prepare a plausible excuse!
- If you come home late at night or even come back from school later, they may notice.
Part 2 of 5: Communicate Discreetly
Step 1. Pay attention to telephone conversations
Call your boyfriend by a nickname while on the phone. You could also choose a female name so that your parents don't suspect anything. Store the number under the alias you have chosen. Don't use his real name or a photo of him in case your parents decide to browse your phone.
- Don't use the name of a friend they know. The ideal would be to choose the name of a person who does not have a telephone number. This trick will help you in case you get a call from your boyfriend while the cell phone is unattended in some room. For example, your parents might read "Francesca Carpi" instead of "Fabrizio Cervi".
- If your parents are standing next to you, try to keep a relaxed expression on your face so they don't know you're talking to your boyfriend. They will believe that this is a normal friend.
- Use video conferencing only when your parents aren't around. There is a risk that they will see you blowing them a kiss.
Step 2. Consider creating a fake or private email account
It only matters if your parents check your emails or if you think they can access your inbox. If you communicate by e-mail often, make sure you use a fake account so your parents don't know about your conversations. If they find out, you could get into trouble, especially if you openly state your feelings in your emails.
Step 3. Speak in code
Establish secret words or phrases that only you and your boyfriend know. This way, you could talk to him on the phone in the presence of your parents without them noticing. This trick applies to phone calls, text messages, and emails, depending on how they monitor your communications remotely.
- For example, the word "hunger" might mean you want to eat with him, while the word "homework" might mean you can't go out to meet him in the afternoon.
- Try creating a numeric code for your appointments. For example, pretend you're talking to a friend about math exercises. Use the "problem number" to inform your boyfriend that you want to see him at a certain time. If you want to meet him at 10pm, tell him, "Did you do your math homework? I'm having trouble with problem number 10".
Step 4. Ask him to create a fake profile on social networks
That way, if your parents check their history or searches, they won't see his name or photo. It would be better if it created a completely new online identity. Alternatively, you can ask him to shorten his name on Facebook (or, if possible, use his middle name instead of his last name) in order to partially hide his identity.
Step 5. Delete the messages
If your parents frequently check your cell phone or the computer you use, delete the messages every 5-10 minutes. Don't just consider the conversations between you and your boyfriend, but also those with everyone else. If they are not numerous, they will not arouse much suspicion.
- If they ask you why you delete conversations, tell them you don't want to take up all of your memory. Say that you have a lot of photos, applications or music files and that you are trying to free up space by deleting unnecessary messages.
- Do you have a message you want to keep? Take a screenshot and save it elsewhere: a computer, a pen drive or even a private album of images on Facebook.
Part 3 of 5: Meet him
Step 1. Pay attention to the place and time you meet
If you can, choose a place where no one knows you. It is preferable that parents, relatives, neighbors or friends of your parents do not see you while you are out and about with your boyfriend. Meet when your parents know you are somewhere else, such as at a club you hang out with or at a friend's house. You may even sneak out of the house at night.
- If you live in the city, you can meet almost anywhere: in a park, a museum with free admission, a scenic spot or a small bar in your favorite neighborhood. The same is true in the suburbs, although it is more difficult to get around without a car.
- If you live in a center far from the city, it is probably worth meeting in the countryside. Do not choose the park that is accessed from the small street in front of your house, the nearest supermarket or any other place where your parents or friends might see you.
Step 2. Go out in a group
When you go out with your boyfriend, your parents will probably want to know where you are going. Maybe you should take a couple of friends with you. This way, when they call you, you can answer: "I'm with Sara" and hand her the phone to reassure them!
Step 3. Tell them that you are going to sleep at a friend's house
It's the classic alibi, but you'll have to prepare yourself well. The basic idea is that if you want to go out with your boyfriend in the evening or even stay at his house, you need to tell your father and mother to go sleep with a friend. If they insist on seeing you, then you need to choose a trustworthy person (who they already know) who can confirm your story.
- Tell her about your plan. Ask his parents for help, but only if you can blindly trust them. Please tell them there will be a sleepover at their house. It would be best if you chose a friend you have slept with many more times.
- If your parents suspect something, they may call your friend to see if you are telling the truth. Consider if this danger exists. In that case, it is best not to take any chances.
Step 4. Be cautious if you are going to invite your boyfriend over
Consider the risks: if you sneak into your home, your parents may find out. Wait when they are out. A whole weekend is even better.
- If you allow him to sneak into your home when your parents are around, find a safe way to get him in and out. Give them the green light when they've gone to bed and be careful not to make the slightest noise so they don't suspect anything.
- Speak softly so that you can hear the voices or footsteps of your father and mother in case they come to your room. Prepare him to temporarily hide under the bed or in the closet or, if you can, let him out the window!
- Leave no evidence of its presence. Yours will get suspicious if they see a men's comb or a men's jacket. If he gives you a gift (a card, a photo, a bouquet of flowers), don't leave it in plain sight!
Part 4 of 5: Pretend it's Just a Friend
Step 1. Get your parents used to the fact that you have male friends
Invite your friends over to your home too. Emphasize that they are just friendships. The more frequent the visits become, the sooner they will accept the idea that there are other male figures in your life besides those of the family.
Step 2. Make sure it's just a friend
Strange as it may seem, make it known from the beginning that your boyfriend is in the rest of the party. If you behave normally, your parents won't suspect anything.
Step 3. Get used to your friendship
After some time they will relax and get used to seeing him with you. That way, if and when you decide to introduce him as your boyfriend, they won't be so upset. In the meantime, they will have the opportunity to get to know him and see you interact, and they will understand that yours is a healthy relationship.
Never close your bedroom door, otherwise they will start to have some doubts. Act openly and casually in front of your family so that your parents don't feel uncomfortable and don't question your friendship
Step 4. Find out if and when it's time to tell your parents
Once they become familiar with him and get used to his presence, you can choose to tell the truth or continue to pretend that he is just a friend. Generally, parental consideration plays an important role in these cases.
Part 5 of 5: Telling Parents the Truth
Step 1. Reflect on the reasons why you have kept your relationship under wraps
Try to understand the communication problems between you and your parents. Maybe you don't want to reveal that you are attracted to someone of your same sex, that you are dating a guy who comes from a different ethnic or religious background, or that you are having an affair with a person much older than you. Maybe your parents forbade you from getting engaged. Observe the situation clearly so that you can decide how to proceed.
- The more time passes, the more likely your parents will find you. Your life will be a lot easier if you don't have to hide.
- Think about their reactions. Maybe you are projecting your concerns onto them. If you are unsure, ask your brother or a relative you trust for advice.
Step 2. Test the stability of your relationship
Your father and mother may be suspicious of any new boy coming into your life, but keep in mind that they behave this way because they care about you. Don't let them know about your story right away. Wait at least a few weeks (or months) before breaking the news.
Step 3. Introduce him as a friend first
If your parents learn to trust him, they will be less likely to object to your relationship. Keep in mind that they may prohibit you from dating a guy because they perhaps consider him a potentially dangerous male presence in your life, but they may be a little more forgiving if that presence has a friend's face.
It's a great way to keep your story hidden. However, you need to move with caution so that your parents notice that there is a strong intimacy between you. Invite him home with other friends and don't be too affectionate with him
Step 4. Make sure you don't get in trouble by telling the truth
Consider the consequences of any disclosure. If your parents are not responding well (scolding you, preventing you from seeing him, and so on), you may want to wait. If you have a hard time being honest with them, ask a teacher, relative, or family friend to join in the discussion.
