Getting over a crush isn't easy, especially when it comes to someone you see every day, like a colleague. An infatuation with a colleague can cause you a lot of stress and make the situation at the office very complicated. However, you can move on by seeking help, accepting your feelings, and understanding the risks you would take by following your heart.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Considering the Risks of a Work Crush
Step 1. Study company policies
If your company discourages or prohibits employee relationships and you don't want to put your job at risk, remember what your priorities are. You will likely come to the conclusion that a crush isn't worth the risk of losing your job.
- Study your company's rules (which you can ask your HR manager if possible) about personal relationships. Seeing in black and white the consequences of a romantic relationship at work can be enough motivation to end your crush.
- Romantic relationships at work can also have legal consequences, based on existing sexual harassment laws.
Step 2. Consider the risk of rumors
If you always have the person you like in your head and your colleagues notice it, it can lead to gossip. This can happen even if you just talk about your feelings, without coming forward. Rumors can make you the target of poor professionalism, as well as reduce your productivity and morale at work. If you are concerned about these risks, it is best to avoid talking about your crush when you are at work or with colleagues, even during your free time.
Step 3. Consider the social risks you would take by following your heart
If you step up to the colleague you like, you could face serious social consequences, no matter how the other person feels. Recognizing these risks can be enough to end your crush. Potential problems include:
- Receive a rejection from the colleague you like;
- Constant embarrassment if the co-worker does not reciprocate your feelings or if they do so at the moment, but the relationship will end badly;
- Pressuring the colleague you like to reciprocate your feelings if you play a more important role than theirs;
- Loss of credibility among colleagues, who may consider you unprofessional or suspect that you may be giving special treatment to the person you like.
Step 4. Think about the consequences if the relationship ends badly
Even if you currently want to step forward with the person you like, it is worth reflecting on all possible outcomes, positive and negative. It is possible for your relationship to blossom into a long-term relationship, but if not:
- Your relationship may work initially, but end a little later.
- If the relationship does not go well or ends after a short time, you will need to meet the person you like at work every day, maybe see their promotion. This can be a great source of stress.
- If the relationship doesn't go well and one of you feels the need to step down, this can create many more problems.
Part 2 of 3: Finding Help to Overcome Your Crush
Step 1. Discuss the situation with a friend
Letting someone else know about your problem allows you to relieve some of the pressure of repressing your feelings. In addition to offering support by listening to you, your friend may also have some advice for you.
If the idea of talking about your crush with a co-worker makes you uncomfortable or if you are afraid that the word will spread, you can confide in a friend who does not work with you
Step 2. Increase social interactions outside of work
Your work crush may have arisen because you don't have enough opportunities to find romantic interests outside of the professional environment. If you work too hard or avoid social interactions outside of work, make the effort to find time to hang out with friends who don't work with you and to do activities you enjoy. Look for opportunities to meet people outside the office so that you can distract yourself and not think about your crush.
Step 3. Focus on positive distractions
Often, infatuations absorb all of our attention because we let it happen. Conversely, if you focus on other things, it will be easier to get over your crush and move on.
- When you are at work, focus on your duties and professional relationships with your colleagues. Even simple tasks, like decorating your office, caring for the plant on your desk, or listening to your favorite artist can distract you from your crush.
- When you're not at work, you can continue to divert attention from your crush by focusing on the other things you want to do. Go to the gym more often, pursue a hobby, or tidy up the house (if you haven't done it for too long) to distract yourself.
Part 3 of 3: Coping with the emotions aroused by a crush
Step 1. Separate the fantasy from the reality
Having a crush is about feeling attraction, but it can also lead you to fantasize about life with the person you like. Separating the fantasies from the attraction you feel can help you put your crush in perspective.
- The fantasies are oriented to the past and the future. Reality is oriented to the present..
- Focus on the life you lead in the moment instead of the one you want to have.
Step 2. Understand that you don't have to follow your feelings
It is possible to feel attraction to a person, including a colleague, without ever coming forward. If you know you can keep your professional and love life separate, you may be able to deal with a crush on a co-worker by admitting that your feelings are real, but deciding that you will never turn them into something concrete.
In some cases, crushes at work can have positive effects. For example, they may lead you to dress better, work harder, and participate more in the company
Step 3. Remember that your neighbor's grass is not always greener
In some cases, crushes are just fantasies. You may get the impression that coming forward is the right thing, when in reality, the truth is that you only have feelings for a person because they are not available or because your relationship is forbidden. You may be able to get over your crush simply by reminding yourself that your current life makes you happy and that following your feelings doesn't mean making a dream come true.
Step 4. Set limits
If you have decided not to leave room for feelings at work (to avoid jeopardizing your career or for any other reason), set yourself rules to avoid crushes. For example, you may want to interact with the person you like only in the presence of other colleagues, as this will prevent you from overstepping the line. Often, setting limits will make it easier to get rid of stress and keep emotions in check.
Step 5. Give yourself time
Don't expect to get over a crush right away. Give yourself time to process your feelings and decide how to move forward. Avoid getting down on yourself if you need time to move on.
