Does your heart start pounding when you run into a certain colleague? Do you laugh out loud at her jokes and find her irresistibly fascinating? Love blossoming in the workplace can be quite difficult to manage. This is especially true in the following cases: the company bans or sees in a bad light the stories that arise in the office, you are already in a serious relationship (or both you and your colleague are in this situation) or you have imposed rules to about. Chances are you don't want to let anyone know, not even the person directly concerned. Regardless of why you want to keep this crush on yourself, there are several ways to hide your feelings and in the meantime try to accept the fact that this (possibly unrequited) love won't (or shouldn't) materialize.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Having a Professional Behavior
Step 1. Treat this colleague as you treat everyone else at work
The easiest way to hide your feelings is to simply treat her as if nothing had happened. In theory it is simple, but in reality it can be challenging. If it is difficult for you to ignore it, then cut off contact with this colleague as much as possible (within reason).
- For example, avoid going to lunch with her unless other people are present. As a group, try to socialize with other people instead of focusing your attention on them.
- Think about how you would behave around other coworkers and mimic this attitude with the person you have a crush on.
Step 2. Don't flirt with her
It can be difficult, especially if she is the one who tends to provoke you. In any case, reciprocating (or taking the initiative) is one of the most evident signs of interest of all. If you flirt, you won't be able to hide the love you feel for her for long. Would you flirt with a colleague you don't care about? Probably not.
For example, don't laugh every time he makes a nice comment. You don't have to be rude, but just smirk and change the subject to let her know you're not interested
Step 3. Avoid touching it
In addition to not touching her inappropriately (needless to say), you should also avoid physical contact altogether (except for a professional handshake, when necessary). Don't touch her arm when she says something to tease you, don't approach her from behind resting your hands on her shoulders, don't hug her. In addition to expressing your interest openly, these behaviors are also considered unprofessional in many work environments.
Step 4. Don't play favoritism
If you discuss a topic with this person and other colleagues, don't always be on their side. When an important decision needs to be made and this colleague of yours has a great idea, then you definitely need to explain why her point of view makes sense. However, when it comes to the most insignificant and trivial decisions, try to avoid as much as possible to agree with them.
- When considering different perspectives, try to separate the idea from the person who expressed it. This will help you treat everyone fairly and relaxed.
- If you're in a decision-making role, don't give this colleague all the best jobs. Other employees would notice right away and your secret won't be safe. Try to continue to be as fair as possible.
Step 5. Take a day or two off
If you think you have a hard time behaving professionally, you may want to take a couple of days off (pretending to be ill or asking for days off). Sometimes distancing yourself can help clarify your ideas and refocus on what really matters.
When you are absent from work, try to remember why you want to keep these feelings to yourself. Maybe it's your dream profession and you don't want to take any chances, or maybe you're already busy. Whatever the reason, convince yourself that this person isn't worth complicating your life for. Hopefully, when you get back to work you will start to prioritize your profession and not your colleague
Step 6. Try asking to do another project
You may find yourself working side by side with the person you are in love with. Acting professionally should help you hide your feelings, but if you can't continue to cooperate peacefully with this person, ask your boss to give you another assignment.
- For example, you might be working on a different project or in another area of the office.
- Don't tell the real reason why you want to change. Instead, come up with a credible excuse. For example, you might say that you like the job you're doing, but would like to take on a new challenge, so you've thought about asking if it's possible to work on an idea you've come up with to optimize your business strategy.
Part 2 of 4: Determine Social Limits
Step 1. Don't talk about topics that have nothing to do with work
If you cannot distance yourself from your colleague (for example she is your supervisor, you have to see her every day in a meeting or work closely with her), do your best to talk only about work issues or that are as superficial as possible possible. The more you talk about personal things, the more you will feel close to her.
- If she asks what you did over the weekend, you can say, "Nothing special. I got busy around the house." Don't ask her the same question. If you answer concisely and don't offer conversation points, you will discourage personal chatter.
- If you need to chat to avoid awkward silences, talk about general topics like the weather or an important deadline that is approaching.
- Ignore any hints from your colleague. Obviously, if the colleague you're in love with starts making advances to you, the situation will get really awkward. If you find that she is flirting with you, try to distance yourself or reduce contact. Companies have now completely converted to technology, so if possible communicate via email or using the company intranet.
Step 2. Don't hang out with your coworkers after work
In some companies it is quite common to go for a beer or dinner after work. If there is also the colleague you are interested in, avoid it. Make up an excuse, for example, you already have a date with a friend or you have to run some errands before you go home. Keeping yourself away from events that aren't closely related to work will keep you from fantasizing about what it would be like to be in a relationship.
If you are attending an event that your colleague will also attend, distance yourself as much as possible without attracting attention. If alcohol is served, do not drink, otherwise you will feel less inhibited and risk missing something
Step 3. Try to avoid face-to-face dialogue
This isn't feasible in all work environments, but if you can do it without arousing suspicion, use email and other available communication channels. This will give you some time to process your feelings until you can behave normally with your co-worker.
- Do you work in another division? Minimize your contacts. If you're lucky enough not to see it all the time, it shouldn't directly interfere with your employment. Reduce contact during breaks or when you leave work.
- Don't go out of your way to avoid it, but keep a discreet safe distance. If it is obvious that you are trying to avoid it, you risk attracting more attention and others may wonder why you are behaving this way.
Step 4. Try to have a zero tolerance policy
Even if your company has no policies regarding relationships that arise in the workplace, it helps to set rules if you decide to give up on your feelings towards this colleague.
- This will not only help you keep your feelings to yourself, but will also prepare you for any future situations similar to this one. If a colleague confesses to you that she has fallen in love with you, you can easily and gently reject her. Just explain to her that you don't hang out with the people you work with because it's a rule you've made yourself.
- You will have to consider your colleague completely inaccessible. Resign yourself to the fact that it's an impossible relationship. The sooner you start believing it, the easier it will be to hide your true feelings.
Part 3 of 4: Analyzing Your Feelings
Step 1. Consider if you are truly in love or if it is an infatuation
Try to figure out if it's true love or if you've just had a crush on yourself. Both of these situations generate strong feelings, but it is easier to forget an infatuation than sincere love. Intense attraction is often stimulated by the pressures or excitement of work and seeing that your colleague can juggle the office flawlessly. If your admiration for him turns into deeper feelings, you need to understand if it is something lasting or a feeling of transient (but repeating) amazement.
- How well do you know her? In some cases we love from afar, in others love can grow steadily over time because we work closely with a person, which gives the opportunity to talk about personal values and interests in common.
- Do you really know this person? Did you fall in love with his inner qualities or his way of being in the workplace?
- Have you been conquered by the fascination it manifests in the workplace? Power or leadership is fascinating in a professional context and can lead to infatuation.
Step 2. Consider what a relationship implies
Dating with a colleague can be very complicated. Unless one of you leaves the company, the risks are different. Other coworkers may think that you are abusing your power (if you are dating an employee) or that you are looking for favoritism (if you are dating the boss). Also, if you hang out with the boss, your coworkers may consider you untrustworthy because they fear you will report everything they do and say.
In many companies, having a relationship in the workplace is strictly prohibited. Breaking this rule can cost you your job
Step 3. Remember that falling in love in the workplace is not that unusual
Working together often leads to certain feelings - after all, you spend a good part of the day with your colleagues, solving problems and tackling challenges together. It is not surprising if you then fall in love with someone.
It's important to remember this because when you have feelings for someone, those feelings can be quite intense, especially in the beginning. Sometimes it's hard to hide them, but remember that many people have feelings for a co-worker and this often happens because they share certain experiences - it doesn't necessarily mean true love
Step 4. Make a list of all the reasons why a relationship is best avoided
If you see these reasons in black and white or think about them carefully, maybe it will be easier to control the love or affection you feel. This can help you embark on a process that will get your colleague out of your mind. There are many reasons why it's best not to get romantically involved in work.
- If it is forbidden to have romantic relationships, think about all the time and energy it takes to hide your relationship. If you go out with other colleagues or invite them home, it will be difficult to organize yourself between the various commitments to keep the two areas separate. It is possible, but it is tiring. Eventually the fun and excitement will wear off, so you risk blowing up and telling the truth.
- Examine this colleague's negative traits. While you feel very attracted to her, this person is likely to have flaws as well. By focusing on one negative aspect, the attraction or interest can wane. Perhaps you are bothered by his laughter, the fact that he insists on always being right or his workaholic tendencies. Whatever the reason, pay attention to them more and more to avoid getting romantically involved with this person.
- If you sigh for a person who works in the office next to yours, would you be able to carry out your commitments or focus on projects? Some people find it difficult to hide a relationship. Remember that having a romantic relationship in the workplace can jeopardize your career.
- Since you work closely and spend all day together, you won't have much to talk about - you can only discuss the same work you do together every day. Furthermore, if you are bothered by such things, you risk infecting each other with negativity or dislike towards certain people and this can affect the profession.
- Think about what would happen if you were to break up. In most cases, working with an ex complicates your professional life and runs the risk of sabotaging each other. If you can be professional despite the breakup, then it's doable, but are you sure you can put all your emotions aside after a relationship ends?
Part 4 of 4: Dealing with Your Feelings in a Healthy Way
Step 1. Don't hurt yourself to forget the situation you are in
Sometimes, when a person experiences feelings they can't handle, they may be tempted to give in to some harmful habits to console themselves.
- Someone is gorging on junk food like chips or ice cream. Others drink alcohol, smoke, or take drugs to avoid dealing with these feelings. Whatever your strategy, try to spot it. When you feel the need to do harmful actions, look for a healthier way to cope with your emotions.
- If hiding these feelings causes you strong emotions, try talking to a trusted friend (preferably not another co-worker) or family member. If you don't want to, you can write in your diary. Either way, it's important to let off steam.
Step 2. Take up a hobby
Maybe you already have one; in this case, spend more time on it. If you don't have a hobby, think about an activity you've always wanted to do and try it out. Not only will it distract you, it will also make you feel stronger and help you cope with the situation.
For example, if you've always wanted to try climbing but have never done it, then look for a gym to train. Sign up for a beginner's course. Not only will you get fit and discover a new hobby, you will also meet other people
Step 3. Try to have a dynamic social life
Many spend a good portion of their day at work. Depending on your corporate culture, it is possible that many of your friends are also your co-workers. If you didn't have the problem of having to hide your feelings for a co-worker, there would be nothing wrong with that, but sadly that's not the case for you. Having friends outside the workplace will allow you to have a safe haven separate from your professional life.
The friends you have outside of work will allow you to let off steam (if you want) and will also broaden your perspective. You will understand that outside of work you can have a busy life and hang out with other people. This will help you overcome the feelings you have for your co-worker
Step 4. Nurture your relationships
It is possible that you are already romantically engaged. If so, think about this relationship and why you are involved in it. If you are single, try to improve other relationships (such as those with your friends or family). When you feel attracted to someone, you happen to neglect other people, so try to focus your energies on the people you love and care about you.
If you want to go out with someone, then consider interesting people outside of your work environment. Can't find any? You could try online dating sites. If you don't care, try attending different events. You can also get to know someone through hobbies, sports, parish, and volunteer work
Advice
- Be careful if you start fantasizing about another co-worker in the future. If this has happened to you once, it is possible that this situation will repeat itself. Learn to recognize the factors that cause you to be interested in someone, such as working closely under pressure, being bored by another romantic relationship or the job itself, having insecurities about your job, and wanting to improve your situation.
- Avoid certain behaviors that would betray you right away, such as remembering your coworker's birthday and giving her a gift, knowing her favorite colors, or making unlikely excuses to chat with her.
- If you end up dating a co-worker and the relationship lasts, you should talk about the long-term consequences of this relationship. It would be better for one of the two to leave the company, because this will make life easier for everyone. Alternatively, you could open a business together: couples can be very close in the business world and you don't have the problem of making colleagues uncomfortable (but before hiring someone, explain the situation to them well).
