Have you and your dad been fighting a lot lately? Whether you're a teenager seeking more independence or a frustrated adult, arguing with your father can be exhausting. These fights could be so bad that you want to walk away from him. However, you can work to end this vicious circle with your dad through communication, responsibility, and fun.
Steps
Method 1 of 3: Discuss and Avoid Clashes
Step 1. Choose a good time to talk
Probably, you and your father are arguing because you both choose the wrong times to have serious arguments. Avoid pouring out your frustrations on him as soon as he gets back from work, as he may need some free time. Instead, opt for after dinner when not busy or on weekends.
If he wants to talk to you about something when you are stressed, ask him politely if he can wait a few minutes and use that time to do something relaxing, like a shower
Step 2. Tell him what you need
Parents appreciate when their children show signs of maturity, such as confidence and honesty. Let your father know from the start what you need from him.
- Tell him, “Dad, I want to talk to you about something. I just want you to listen to me now. I don't want advice, I just want someone to talk to”.
- You could also tell him, “In some time the school will organize a night trip. Can I tell you about it? I would really like to go there. Please listen to me before answering”.
Step 3. Dampen potentially difficult conversations in the bud
Sometimes, you may not need to make a request to your father, but you would like to confess something wrong you did or something that bothered you. In these cases, approach him calmly and humbly, after having already thought about possible solutions.
For example, if you recently received a speeding ticket, say, “Dad, I did something bad today and I have to tell you. I was driving home and got a fine. But I have already talked to my superior, who told me that I can do some overtime on the weekends of this month to be able to pay for it”
Step 4. Ask him what you can improve on
Explain to your father that it bothers you when you fight. Admit your responsibilities, but also ask him what he wants from you. He may be stressed out about work and coming home to find a pile of dirty dishes while you play video games does not improve his mood. Ask yourself if they need more help around the house or more respect in general.
- You can tell him, “Dad, we've been fighting a lot lately and that makes me really sick. I was wondering if there is anything I can do to prevent it from happening again or if there is something you need from me ".
- Also let him know what you need. Tell him, “Dad, I really want our relationship to improve. Sometimes it's hard for me to get close to you because I know you would scold me. Do you think you can do it less?”.
Step 5. Stay calm
You may feel that your father is very unfair or even cruel towards you. Remember that even if you can't control his actions, you can control your reactions. If he yells at you, don't answer. Don't leave, don't interrupt him and don't scream. If you did something wrong, apologize. If not, just sit quietly until the fight is over.
- Breathe deeply throughout the discussion, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth.
- It's okay to show your emotions, but don't let them consume you or make you do things you may regret.
Step 6. Respect their choices
Once your father has decided something, do as he says. Thus, he will be more likely to trust you in the future. Try to find ways to compromise, but know that ultimately the decision will be up to him.
- For example, you might say, "I really want to go to that party, but I'll respect your decision."
- You could bargain by asking him if he would be willing to let you stay out an extra hour on a Friday night and in exchange you would wash his car and mow the lawn.
- If your dad tells you to do something dangerous or illegal, talk to someone about it. Find an adult you trust, such as a teacher, so that they can help you.
Step 7. Put yourself in his shoes
In most cases, fathers only do what they think is best for their children. When your father makes a decision you disagree with, consider his point of view. Even if you think he's not right, evaluating the situation from his perspective will help you better understand what he thinks.
- For example, your father may have imposed a curfew on you at 10pm, while your friends may come home later. Your father may be worried about drunk drivers, drugs, or he may not trust your friends.
- You might say, "Can you explain your point of view about it, so that I can understand and accept your decision better?" It could help you get the situation right, making you feel a little better.
Method 2 of 3: Take Your Own Responsibilities
Step 1. Do your housework
Work to avoid any potential arguments with your father by completing all of your homework on time. Keep a list of all the cleaning you need to do and always keep your room tidy. Complete these tasks every day before your father comes home.
Make sure you do it to the best of your ability so that he doesn't have anything to say about it
Step 2. Help your father without him asking
If you see your father in the garden struggling to rake leaves or carry groceries, help him out. It can be difficult for a father to juggle too many responsibilities, so work hard to help him out. Small housework can improve your relationship.
Step 3. Do your homework
If you are a teenager or pre-teen, finish your homework as soon as you get home from school. Your dad probably has a lot of other things to worry about, so try not to put too much weight on his shoulders. If you need help, ask him about his time after dinner once he has had a chance to relax.
Step 4. Help your brothers
If you are the older brother, help your brothers and sisters. Offer to babysit them so your parents can go out for dinner once in a while. If you understand that they need something, think about it, in order to give your father some relief.
Step 5. Call him more often
If you live alone, your father may miss you. He may even think that he is the only one of you two who shows up and that your communication is one-sided. Make an effort to call your dad and visit him more often so he knows how important he is to you.
You could even create a group chat with him and your other siblings so you can text each other throughout the week
Step 6. Respect your word
If you tell your father that you will do something, do your best to keep the promise. If you both feel you can trust each other, the dynamics between you may be more positive in the future.
Try not to promise more than you are likely to do
Step 7. Be honest
If your father asks you a question, tell him the truth, without thinking about the trouble you might find yourself in. Your father may not like what you did, but he will respect your honesty. This will also help him trust you more.
Method 3 of 3: Having fun with your father
Step 1. Express your appreciation for him
In addition to resolving conflicts with your father, also try to tell him how grateful you are to him. If your father feels appreciated, he is less likely to start arguing with you.
- You might say, “Dad, thank you for always being there. And thank you so much for coming to see all my games this season. It means a lot to me".
- You can tell him in person or write him a note.
Step 2. Plan a family dinner
Remember that your parents aren't the only ones who can organize family events - you can too. Offer to have dinner together as a family at least twice a week. Don't look at your cell phone for the duration of the dinner and instead talk about how your day went.
You could also play cards or a board game
Step 3. Take an evening walk
Ask your father if he would like to take a walk with you after dinner. This will give you some time to be together and a chance to talk. Go to the park for two shots or just sit down and chat.
Step 4. Do something you both like
You may think that you and your father are very different, but there is probably something that interests you both. You may both love documentaries, video games, or cooking. Whatever it is, take the time to do it with him.
