Thanatophobia, or more often known as "fear of death", affects millions of people around the world. In some individuals it can generate anxiety and / or obsessive thoughts. More precisely, thanatophobia is the fear of death and / or one's own mortality, while the fear of dying people or dead things is known as "necrophobia", which is a slightly different concept. However, both of these fears can be related, in a similar way, to the fear of the unknown aspects of death. In a sense, it is the fear of running into the unknown. This can be especially true for people approaching the last few years of life, when doubts surrounding death begin to rise and the end of life becomes an imminent reality. To be able to feel more comfortable with the unknown ending of life, you need to learn about this phobia, work to overcome it and prevent it from getting the better of you.
Steps
Part 1 of 5: Knowing the Phobia
Step 1. Write down the times when you think about death
The first thing to establish when you want to deal with your thanatophobia is to understand how - and how much - fear breaks into your life. We are not always able to immediately understand the environmental factors or the causes that cause our fears or anxieties. Writing down the situations in which these occur can be a useful tool in addressing this problem.
- Start by simply asking yourself, "What was going on around me when I started feeling fear or anxiety?" For various reasons, this can be a very difficult question to answer initially, so start with the basics. Think back to the last few days and make note of as many details as you can remember about when you thought about death. Write in your notes exactly what you were doing when this thought arose.
- Know that the fear of death is very common. Throughout human history, people have always been concerned and concerned with the concept of death and the fact of dying. This can depend on several reasons, including age, religion, level of personal anxiety, the experience of loss and so on. For example, during some transition phases in life, you may be more prone to fear of death. People may be more concerned in the 4-6, 10-12, 17-24 and 35-55 age groups. Scholars have long speculated about the prospect of death. According to the existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, death can be a source of fear for people precisely because "it comes from the outside and transforms us into the outside". The process of death, therefore, represents the most radical unknown dimension imaginable (or, in a sense, unimaginable). As Sartre points out, death has the potential to transform living bodies again and bring them back to the non-human realm from which they originally emerged.
Step 2. Make a note of when you feel anxious or scared
Next, report all the occasions you can remember when fear or anxiety prevented you from doing something. Do not overlook any circumstances, even if you are not sure if your emotions were closely related in some way to death or dying situations.
Step 3. Compare your state of anxiety with the thought of death
After you have worked out a list of thoughts of death and a list of moments of anxiety, look for the commonalities between the two. For example, you may find that every time you see a particular brand of candy you feel some anxiety, but you are not sure why. Then you realize that you are thinking about death during these same circumstances. So you might remember that the brand of candy in question is the one that was distributed at your grandfather's funeral; so you also started to feel a certain degree of fear at the thought of death in general.
These associations of thoughts between objects, emotions and situations can be very subtle, sometimes even much more than in the example just described. Therefore, writing them down can be a great way to start becoming more aware of them, so you are able to manage your reactions to these circumstances that affect you
Step 4. Recognize the link between anxiety and anticipation
Fear is a powerful force that can potentially affect any of your actions. If you start looking beyond fear, it is possible that the actual event that is frightening you so much isn't as bad as you are experiencing now. Anxiety usually consists mostly of predicting how things will go or not, it is more of an emotion related to the future. Keep in mind that the fear of death is sometimes worse than death itself. Who knows: maybe your death may not be as unpleasant as you can imagine.
Step 5. Be honest with yourself
You have to be completely honest and fully accept your own mortality, otherwise it will continue to wear you down. Life becomes much more precious when you realize its transience. You know full well that you will find yourself facing death sooner or later, but there is no need to live life in fear. If you are honest with yourself and face fear head on, you can begin to downplay this phobia.
Part 2 of 5: Letting Go What You Cannot Control
Step 1. Focus on the things you can control
Death can be a particularly frightening concept to think about, primarily because it places limits on life and what we are capable of conceiving. Instead, learn to focus on the things you can truly control, while also engaging in the things you have no power over.
For example, you may be worried about dying from a heart attack. There are some factors that cannot be controlled on heart disease, such as genetics, race, ethnicity and age, but if you focus on these aspects you can only become more anxious. Instead, it is much healthier to focus on the things you are able to control, such as quitting smoking, exercising regularly, and eating healthy. In fact, you have a greater risk of developing heart disease when you lead an unhealthy lifestyle, not just because of the factors you cannot influence
Step 2. Manage your life
When we want to have absolute control of our life, we often face disappointment, frustration and anxiety about things that don't go the way we would like. Learn to loosen your grip and stop wanting to control everything that happens in life. You can still make plans, of course. Try to manage the course of your life, but also leave some room for the unexpected.
An analogy to this concept is the image of water flowing into the river. Sometimes the embankment changes, the river makes a curve and the water slows down or accelerates. The river continues to flow, but you have to let it go where it takes you
Step 3. Eliminate unproductive thought patterns
When you try to predict or imagine the future, you may find yourself wondering, "What would happen if this circumstance were to occur?" This is an unproductive pattern of thinking, which can even be catastrophic. This is a way of thinking about a situation that generates negative emotions and, based on your interpretation of the event, this will trigger emotions. For example, if you are worried about being late for work, you might say to yourself, "If I am late, I will be reprimanded by my supervisor and may even lose my job." Having unproductive thought patterns can also lead you to the verge of a nervous breakdown, if you have the manic tendency to want to control every event.
Replace unproductive thoughts with positive ones. Reflect on the pattern of negative thoughts. For example, you say to yourself, "If I'm late, my supervisor might be upset, but I can explain that I have found more traffic than usual. Also, I can offer to stay at work longer to make up for lost time."
Step 4. Give yourself a specific time to worry
Spend 5 minutes a day to allow yourself to worry about something. Follow this technique at the same time every day; But try not to plan this time before going to sleep, because you don't have to go to bed in an upset state. If at any other time of the day a worrying thought arises, set it aside and address it only at the specific time you set for this.
Step 5. Challenge your anxious thoughts
If you are anxious about death, ask yourself how likely you are to die in certain situations. Armed with statistics on air crash deaths, for example. You will probably find that your fears are excessive in relation to the reality of the facts.
Step 6. Think about how conditioned you are by others
When other people's worries start to overwhelm your mind, you too begin to think more about the dangers and risks. Perhaps you have a friend who is particularly pessimistic about disease, which can cause you more anxiety and fear of getting sick too. In this case, reduce the time you spend with this person so that these negative thoughts do not come to mind too often.
Step 7. Try doing something new
We often avoid trying things we have never done before and putting ourselves in new situations precisely because of the fear of the unknown and the inability to understand it. To practice loosening control over things, choose an activity that you have never considered, try to do it, and commit to doing it. Start with some online research to read up on. Later, you can talk about it with people who have already done it before. As you begin to become more familiar with the idea of this new initiative, try to see if you can implement it once or twice before committing to it in the long run.
- This method of experimenting with new activities can be a great way to learn to focus on the pursuit of happiness in life instead of worrying about death.
- By engaging in new things, you are likely to learn a lot about yourself at the same time, especially about what you can and cannot control.
Step 8. Establish a plan to follow in case you are dying with family and friends
When it comes to death, you are well aware that most of the process is most likely completely out of your control. There is never any way we can know for sure exactly when or where we will die, but we can take some action to be more prepared.
- If you went into a coma, for example, how long would you like to stay alive? Do you prefer to die at home or stay in the hospital for as long as possible?
- The first few times you may feel uncomfortable dealing with these issues with your family, but such conversations can be extremely useful for both you and them, in case an unfortunate event should occur and you are no longer able to express your wishes on the matter. In addition, these chats may also help you feel a little less anxiety about death.
Part 3 of 5: Reflecting on Life
Step 1. Be aware that life and death are part of the same cycle
Recognize that your life and death, as well as those of other creatures, are all parts of the same life cycle or process. Life and death, rather than being two totally detached and different events, actually always occur at the same time. Cells in the body, for example, continually die and regenerate in different ways throughout life. This helps the body to improve and adapt to the world around us.
Step 2. Think about how the body is part of a complex ecosystem
Our bodies serve as fertile ecosystems for countless different forms of life, especially when it comes to an end. During life, the gastrointestinal system is the "residence" of millions of microorganisms, which help the body remain healthy enough to support the proper functioning of the immune system and, in some ways, the complex cognitive process.
Step 3. Know the role the body plays in the grand design of things
If you look at the matter from a much broader point of view, you understand that life fits together in a unique and individual way to form society and local communities that depend on the energy and actions of each individual organism to be able to sustain a certain degree. of organization.
Your life is made up of the same mechanisms and materials as the other lives around you. Understanding this can help you feel more comfortable with the thought of a world that can continue even without your specific presence
Step 4. Spend time in nature
Take meditative walks in natural environments. Or, spend more time outside near many different forms of life. These activities can be great ways to feel more comfortable with the concept that you are a part of a larger world.
Step 5. Evaluate the concept of the afterlife
Try to think that after death you will go to some happy place. Many religions believe in this. If you follow a particular faith, you can find comfort in considering the concept of the afterlife expressed by your religion.
Part 4 of 5: Living Life
Step 1. Live your life to the fullest
Basically, it's best to avoid spending too much time worrying about death. Instead, try to fill your every day with as much joy as possible. Don't be saddened or depressed by the little things. Go outside, play with friends or start playing a new sport. The important thing is that it is some activity that prevents your mind from thinking about death; rather focus your thoughts on life.
Many people who are afraid of death think about it every day. This means that you still have a lot of things you can do in life. Let go of your fear and ask yourself, "What will be the worst thing that happens today?". You are alive right now, so live
Step 2. Spend time with your loved ones
Surround yourself with people who make you happy and vice versa. Your time is well spent - and well remembered - when it's shared with others.
For example, you can be sure that the memory of you will live on after your death if you help your grandchildren develop happy memories of you
Step 3. Keep a gratitude journal
This is a way to write down and acknowledge the things to be thankful for. This will help you keep the focus on the positive things in your life. Think about the good things you have and appreciate them.
Take some time every 2 or 3 days to write an episode or something you are grateful for. Describe it in detail, savoring the moment and appreciating the joy you received
Step 4. Take care of yourself
Avoid getting involved in bad situations or doing things that can increase your chances of dying. Avoid using unhealthy substances such as smoking, drugs or alcohol and doing dangerous activities such as texting while driving. Maintaining a healthy lifestyle eliminates some of the risk factors that can lead to death.
Part 5 of 5: Finding Support
Step 1. Determine if you need to see a mental health therapist for help
If the fear of death has become so intense and persistent that it interferes with the ability to carry out normal activities and enjoy life, you should seek the help of a qualified professional. For example, if you are avoiding certain activities due to your fear of imminent death, then it is time to ask for help. Other signs that may let you know that you need to see a doctor are:
- Feeling helpless, panicked, or depressed due to your fear.
- Feeling that your fear is unreasonable.
- You have been dealing with this fear for more than 6 months.
Step 2. Know what you can expect from a therapist
A mental health doctor can help you better understand your fear of death and find ways to minimize it in hopes of overcoming it. Be aware that this is a profound phobia that takes time and effort. It may take some work before you can manage and deal with your fear, but some people see a noticeable improvement in just 8-10 sessions. Some of the strategies the therapist might follow are:
- Cognitive-behavioral therapy. If you are afraid of dying, there may be some thought processes that intensify the fear. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is a method used by therapists to challenge their thoughts and identify the emotions associated with them. For example, you might think of yourself: "I can't fly because I'm afraid the plane will crash and I'll die." The doctor will confront you with your fear by letting you know that this thought is unrealistic, perhaps explaining that flying is actually safer than driving. So, you will find yourself re-evaluating the thought so that it is more concrete, such as: "People travel by plane every day and are fine. I'm sure I'll be fine too."
- Exposure therapy. If you are afraid of dying, you can start by avoiding certain situations, activities and places that intensify your phobia. Exposure therapy, on the other hand, forces you to confront that fear. In this type of therapy, the doctor may ask you to imagine that you are in the situation you are avoiding or actually live in it. For example, if you are avoiding flying out of fear that the plane will crash and then die, the therapist may ask you to picture yourself on a plane and describe how you feel. Later, it may also ask you to actually take a plane flight.
- Medicines. If your fear of dying is so profound that it is causing you severe anxiety, your doctor may recommend that you see a psychiatrist who can prescribe medicines to help you. However, be aware that drugs used to treat anxiety associated with fear merely reduce anxiety temporarily, they do not cure the underlying cause.
Step 3. Share your thoughts on death with others
It is always a good thing to talk to someone about your fears or anxieties, as others can share similar concerns as well; in addition, they may also point you to the methods they have used to cope with the associated stress.
Find someone you trust and tell them what you think, how you feel about dying and how long you have been experiencing those feelings
Step 4. Go to a death café
It can be particularly difficult for people to discuss and address the issue of death. It is therefore important to find the right group with whom to share your ideas on these issues. Although in Italy they are not yet widespread, in various parts of the world there are "cafes of death", ie groups of people who meet specifically in bars to discuss issues relating to the end of life. These are basically support groups for those trying to manage their emotions regarding this topic. The groups basically try to find together how to best live life in the face of death.
If you can't find one of these places near you, consider starting a group of your own. You will most likely find many people in your neighborhood who share the same concerns and fears, but who have not yet had the opportunity to share with others
Advice
- The fear of death can sometimes be the result of a state of depression or anxiety, both of which must be treated with the help of a professional.
- Don't be afraid to go to more than one therapist. You need to find one that you are comfortable with, that is supportive of your unique and specific problems, and that is able to help you solve them.
- You persist in convincing yourself that you can overcome fear.
