Are you one of those people who can go anywhere and find someone to talk to in five minutes, but are always feeling lonely? It can break your heart! Studies have shown that people (especially women) who feel lonely even in the company of others are much more at risk of heart disease. Here are some ways to combat these feelings of loneliness so that you can have healthier relationships and a healthier heart.
Steps
Step 1. Understand that what matters is quality, not quantity
It doesn't matter how many people you know, but how well you know them. And above all: how well they know you. Or if they don't know you at all.
Step 2. Understand yourself
We all have a fair amount of heart problems and injuries that we carry with us as we grow up. Arriving at forty, we lose the opening we had at four, since we have learned not to pay attention to certain things anymore. All of this is natural. But it becomes a different matter if you have closed yourself so much that it has become impossible to really connect with other people. You have, in fact, become a prisoner of yourself.
Step 3. Find out what made you lock up in the first place
Maybe you have been mistreated or neglected by the people who were supposed to take care of you. Maybe you have been bullied or marginalized by your classmates. Perhaps you feel inadequate due to physical or mental disabilities, gender, race or social affiliation. Such events and sensations can have series that you will have to deal with anyway. The good news is that you don't have to fight this battle alone.
Step 4. Seek help
Find a counselor to talk about what happened to you. Of course, the fact that you need to seek professional help may not seem fair, since it's not your fault that these issues are ruining your life. You have tried to help everyone, even though you are not a professional. If you start telling the story of your life to anyone, you will end up being considered the one who whines and whines all the time. You know from experience that this is counterproductive.
Step 5. Stop expecting people around you to take an interest in you
If you have noticed that you feel alone when surrounded by people, you probably already have decent social skills, and therefore you know how to interact with others, but this knowledge lacks intimacy. In addition to being locked up in yourself, you might expect others to try something to deepen your communication as well, such as noticing when you are feeling down and insisting that you talk about it so that they can help you. Instead, learn to speak first and ask for help. Say things like, "I'm having a hard time. Can we talk about it? I think it would make me feel better."
Step 6. Try to be a little less sensitive
The above thing also applies to you. If you always find ways to comment on someone else's mood, saying things like, "You don't look so happy today. Is something wrong?", You have to learn not to be too sensitive about other people's business, not to the point of neglecting yourself at least. Every relationship works two-way, and every adult person should be able to let you know when they're feeling bad, rather than expecting you to guess every time.
Step 7. Learn to say no
Sometimes we feel lonely because we feel used or being considered an object. Maybe you are a good listener, and because of this people always seem to cry on your shoulder. And when they are done crying, they go to have fun with others. Ah! This really hurts! The next time someone wants to cry on your shoulder, say no. This will make you feel rude, but you are just defending yourself. You may lose friends for this reason, but they weren't good friends to begin with. They were only counting on you to listen to their cries and complaints. You need to make space in your life for people who care about you, and with whom you can share deeper relationships.
If this passage sounds particularly familiar to you, you may find it helpful to read How to Overcome Martyr's Syndrome
Step 8. Be good to yourself
If you feel happy, you will look happy. And happy people attract other people.
Step 9. Open up
This is the scary part. When you open up to other people, you will surely have more heart problems and suffering, but it is really the only way to connect and deepen relationships. Start talking: about what you did last weekend, about movies you saw, books you read… And when you feel comfortable, start addressing deeper issues.
Advice
Being in contact with other people does not mean alienating oneself. When you're in a social gathering by yourself, and find yourself feeling comfortable just sitting quietly and sipping your drink, it's all right
Warnings
- Feeling alone and being alone are two different things! Joining associations or activities will not solve your problem if you are feeling lonely. It will only make your mood worse.
- If you find that by opening up you often talk about negative things, you can push people away. Read the article How to Be Optimistic.
- Being good to yourself sounds like the cliché "be your best friend", which leads you to be your one and only friend. And that's exactly what you want to avoid. But the fact is, if you don't treat yourself well, why would anyone else do it?
