The division of "housework" is non-existent in many homes. Between work, children and social commitments, housework usually falls only on the tired shoulders of the wife. After a while, many wives harbor resentment, especially if they also have a job and housework becomes a second job.
To avoid family crises, a good method is to have a plan that will not only motivate your husband to help around the house, but will create peace and balance within the marriage.
Steps
Step 1. Decide what needs to be done
From laundry to taking out the trash, make a list of all the weekly chores and who is doing that task now. By making this list of mandatory tasks, you prevent your husband from neglecting some of them. Also, identifying chores precisely can help both of you see what housework is. Typical tasks include:
- Tidy up the whole house
- Doing laundry (washing, ironing, folding and storing clothes)
- Grocery shopping and various purchases
- Cooking, washing dishes
- Pay your bills and keep them in order
- Garden care
- Taking the children to various extracurricular activities, medical visits, etc.
- Caring for pets: keep them clean, take them to the vet, feed them etc.
Step 2. Describe the easy, medium and difficult tasks
Evaluate each task based on the time it takes to do it, the effort, and how often it needs to be done. For example, washing floors could be a moderately difficult task, as you have to sweep, wash, wax, etc.
As you fill out the list, consider things that might make cleaning easier. For example, can you buy a better vacuum cleaner or a more effective detergent? These are tasks you could assign to your husband. The fact that he bought those items could make him feel proud when using them, because they work better than the old ones
Step 3. Get help
If you don't ask, he may not know you need help, and you will never know how much he can help. Set a day with your husband when you can talk about housework. Make this meeting either after a pleasant day or after a long week of work. Avoid meeting right after an argument or when your husband's attention is on something else. Pour yourself some wine, stay away from the kids (and the TV), and bring the list of chores.
Step 4. Start by telling your husband how much you appreciate all the things he does around the house
Discuss the tasks she is currently doing and how her help contributes to the smooth running of family life. Then explain that you feel like you have too much on your shoulders and that you would really like him to help a little more.
- Show him the list of chores so he can see how many housework is in black and white.
- Don't tell him you think it's unfair that you've done most of the chores so far - he's likely never thought about the fact that there wasn't a fair breakdown. Just tell him that his help would allow you to feel less tired, and that you would all have more time to do things together if he doesn't have to wait for you to finish the chores.
Step 5. Ask him to go through the list and find the chores he would like to do
Guide him to chores that don't require previous experience, such as washing the dog or cat, sweeping the floor, or cleaning the bathrooms.
Step 6. Since he may never have dealt with these matters before, explain to him how and when you do them
Don't tell him he has to do them in a specific way or on a certain day - just tell him how you do them and what steps work for you. Don't lose your temper if he does things differently.
Step 7. Could you do the chores together
Set a time of the week when you take care of the housework together, and then relax and enjoy yourself. If there are no other commitments, Saturday morning is a good time, so you will have the rest of the weekend to yourself; alternatively, choose another time that suits both of you.
Distribute tasks like in a real team. For example, you cook and he does the dishes; you hang the clothes and he withdraws them and folds them; you vacuum and he mops the floors, and so on
Step 8. Be flexible and patient
It takes time to change old routines and habits, especially when household chores have been left to one person for a long time. You will have to remember things with kindness and persuasion, but you do it until it becomes the rule of the house. Don't keep score: Your husband will probably forget what to do from time to time, and so will you. If he is wrong, remind him of his promise politely.
- Don't stress your husband. Even if it doesn't do things perfectly, don't stand there complaining. Remember that you need help, so you have to accept the way he does things.
- Give your husband "foolproof" tasks, such as emptying garbage cans, going to get clothes at the dry cleaner, and sweeping the floor. When he is able, he will be able to do the laundry (so there is no risk that he will dye the white laundry pink!).
Step 9. Get used to thanking each other for contributing to the smooth running of the house
You both do what it takes for the harmony of the home, so you have to recognize that. The more you show appreciation for each other, the more it becomes a good habit.
Advice
- Schedule cleaning. Prepare him for the idea of having to do chores on the weekend. Do this together and set a time limit so the family doesn't spend all day cleaning. The goal is to get your husband to participate. If it becomes too much he may refuse to do it again. Start little by little, then increase the commitment.
- Get your kids to do chores. Children must learn to do simple things from an early age, so ask them to tidy up their clothes, clean their mirrors, and make their beds to get started. Add assignments regularly until they are done without you having to ask them.
- If you and your husband work late, decide if you have the financial means to hire someone to clean up once a week. Even if one or both of you work from home, a cleaning aid can make life a lot easier. Decide what chores you want this person to do and which ones will be up to you. Usually, it is best to leave the general cleaning to the maid, while you take care of the daily needs and the more demanding cleaning.
- If your husband agrees, give him a list of "hubby's tasks" so he knows exactly what you want and doesn't have to guess.
- If you can't get household chore splitting to work, ask your husband to do other things instead like grocery shopping and bring or pick up the kids from school and extracurricular activities.
Warnings
- Don't treat your husband as if he were a child or in a bossy manner. You would end up fighting and things will remain as they are. Also avoid becoming a martyr; you'd keep gnawing at your guts while everyone else just acknowledges that you accept everything even if they have to put up with your grumbling.
- Don't talk about helping around the house when you're arguing or in a tense situation; You will never get the help you need and deserve.
- If your husband has agreed to do some chores but then doesn't do them, don't pester him and don't scream. Instead, ask him if he still thinks he can and tell him that you would really appreciate his help.
- Don't yell at him. It would only lead him to refuse even more to do what he is asked to do.
- Don't redo what he has already done. It would make him stop wanting to help around the house.
- Men and women are different in so many ways, so don't expect him to do things exactly the way you would.
- Don't try to start a fight. It rarely happens but it can happen.
