Knowing that you have been manipulated by someone can have a devastating effect on the trust you place in that person, especially if it is your partner. In these cases, it is very difficult to get back into a healthy relationship, so leaving it may be the best choice. If this has happened to you, break the relationship as clearly as possible by explicitly explaining to him that it's over between you. From that moment on you must learn to manage your emotions, giving yourself all the time you need to recover. Try to keep your distance from your ex and remind yourself why you gave up on him so that no one can manipulate you anymore.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Break Clearly
Step 1. Accept your relationship for what it is
The first step to breaking up with a guy who manipulates you is to stop denying the evidence. If in doubt, try to look at your relationship with an impartial eye.
Think about how you feel when you are with your boyfriend. If she tries to manipulate you, you feel drained or exhausted in her presence. Maybe you think you can't trust him and most likely you realize that he lies or tends to distort reality
Step 2. Be direct
Make sure you don't leave an uncertain situation between you. It's pretty easy for someone who can manipulate you to find a way back into your life, so make it clear to them that your relationship is over. Find a time when you both have time to sit down and talk about the reasons that led to the breakup.
- Don't mince words and get straight to the point. Try saying, "I wanted to talk to you because I want us to stop dating. The relationship between us doesn't work and I feel miserable."
- With a person who manipulates you, it's not worth going into details. If your boyfriend is a manipulator by nature, he may try to contradict you. Try to use simple phrases, like, "Our relationship doesn't make me feel comfortable and I think it would be better for both of us to see other people."
Step 3. Try to avoid blaming him
Even if you really believe he manipulates you, pointing the finger at him can only create other problems. He will rarely accept responsibility for his own behavior if he has never done so in the past and it is not convenient for anyone to turn the conversation into an argument.
- Avoid talking about past problems or suffering. This would only fuel negativity in both of you, leading to an unnecessarily aggressive separation.
- If your boyfriend asks you questions about your decision, say with confidence that you don't think your relationship will work.
Step 4. Clear all contacts
If your boyfriend was manipulating you, chances are he'll try to get you back under his influence as soon as possible. When he realizes that you are moving away from him, he will show you his softer side. If you keep in touch with him, he may try to win you back through strangely kind gestures.
- Don't text him or call him. Try not to deal with him on social media. If necessary, block your phone number and profiles.
- If you find yourself in a situation where you are forced to see your ex, maintain a civil relationship, but don't talk to him more than you should. For example, if you are a coworker, try to be polite during business meetings and say hello to him every morning, but don't have a chat with him during your lunch break.
Part 2 of 4: Maintain Distances
Step 1. Stop your ex from contacting you
If your boyfriend was manipulating you, he may try to keep in touch even after making it clear that your relationship is over; consequently, it may be necessary to prevent it from doing so.
- Block his phone number.
- If you've changed your address, don't let them know.
- Block it on all social networks, like Facebook and Twitter.
Step 2. Don't play your ex's mind games
A true manipulator would pretend to change to return to your good graces. Remember, he's probably very good at these mind games. Do your best not to fall into his trap and not be tempted to resume your negative relationship.
- In many cases, after spending a lot of time with someone who manipulated you, you will feel the need to seek their approval. Even after you leave him you may hear his voice in your head and be tempted to get back with him. The temptation will be even stronger if you still have contacts.
- Learn not to listen to his voice in your head. Remember, you don't value him anymore. You understand that it is a manipulator. Why do you care what he thinks of you?
Step 3. Seek support from friends
If you have friends and family who love you, your ex will think twice before trying to manipulate you. Surround yourself with people who want to help you and protect you from him. It is also important to speak to a counselor who can help you keep this person out of your life. It can be difficult to distinguish truth from manipulation when you have been deceived in the past. A psychologist can offer you the perspective of an educated, experienced, and factual person. It will also help you learn how to avoid manipulators in the future.
- Let everyone know what your situation is. Make it clear that you are running away from a dysfunctional relationship and that you need help.
- Find people to turn to if your ex tries to contact you. Prepare an action plan for this eventuality. For example, you could ask a friend to come and see you if they start calling you too insistently.
Step 4. Live in the present
Don't think back to the days spent with him. This may tempt you to contact him to give your story a conclusion. A true manipulator is always looking for ways to get back into your life. Don't let your defenses down and live only in the present.
- When you think about your ex, it can be helpful to find ways to return to the present. Pay attention to your surroundings. Get in tune with your breathing, with the temperature of the air, with the objects you are observing or touching and so on.
- Remember that you don't need to interact with your ex to end your relationship.
Part 3 of 4: Managing Your Emotional Reaction
Step 1. Accept to suffer
If you try to ignore the pain, you will end up feeling it more. Instead of completely ignoring the negative feelings or trying to push them away when you feel them coming, accept the pain caused by the separation. Even if you have made a decision that improves your life, you will still feel sad after leaving your partner.
- Remember, it is better to feel pain today than in the future. Cry, get angry, feel regret and any other negative emotion, without being ashamed. Better to leave room for certain feelings than to suppress or ignore them. Even if these are painful emotions, don't worry, because they will pass.
- If you don't deal with the pain directly, you may end up in a new relationship prematurely. You may even get back with your ex just to end the pain. While it's hard to live with pain, remember that dealing with it now is the healthiest choice for you.
- Give yourself time to deal with your emotions. Before distracting yourself with a movie or video game, ask yourself how you feel and what your feelings mean. Feel the sensations in your body and think about how they relate to your emotions. Identify what feelings you have: Are you sad, angry, relieved? If you are feeling sad, ask yourself what you have lost. If you are angry, ask yourself what offense you have suffered or how your values have been attacked. Try to write what you feel and express yourself with art. Meditate, exercise, and talk to your therapist or friends about your state of mind. These strategies are ideal for dealing with pain.
Step 2. Get back in touch with the previous version of you
In an unhealthy relationship, one often loses one's identity. You can end up putting aside your desires, needs and passions to please your partner. As you recover from a bad breakup, it can be helpful to remember who you are. Use this opportunity to rediscover yourself.
- Have you given up on something for your relationship? For example, maybe you had friends that your boyfriend prevented you from dating. Maybe you had hobbies that made him feel threatened.
- Go back to the previous version of you. Hang out with friends you didn't have time for during your relationship with your ex. Indulge in a hobby or interest that you neglected during your relationship.
Step 3. Avoid blaming yourself
Manipulators are great at blaming other people for their problems. After a bad breakup, you may feel like you provoked your ex's wrong behavior.
- Remember, a manipulator is good at identifying your weaknesses and exploiting them. Even if you feel truly guilty, your ex is likely trying to exploit your insecurities. For example, you may worry that you have been emotionally distant. He may have noticed and claim that it was your emotional detachment that drove him into betrayal, because he didn't feel appreciated enough.
- Remind yourself that you deserve love and respect. If your boyfriend doesn't give you what you want, that's his problem. He cannot attribute his behavior to your behavior. He is responsible for the way he treats others.
Step 4. Set standards for your future relationships
You should see it as an opportunity to grow as a person. Now that you've been in a negative relationship, you can learn from it. In the future, you demand a lot more from your romantic relationships.
- Make a list of the behaviors you no longer tolerate. Use the relationship you just ended as a guide to setting higher standards.
- For example, you could write: "I will no longer go out of my way to meet a person who has unreasonable expectations about my behavior."
Part 4 of 4: Carrying On Yourself
Step 1. Enjoy the solitude
You must guard against the temptation to bring your ex manipulating you back into your life. While no one likes to feel alone, loneliness is a natural part of a breakup. If you don't accept your single life and face loneliness, you will be even more tempted to get back with him.
- Remember that loneliness, like all emotions, is temporary. You will feel alone for some time after a breakup. This is a normal feeling and unfortunately it is one of the most difficult to deal with.
- Remember that you will not always feel alone. Once healed, you will find a new relationship. Hopefully, he will be happier than before.
- When you feel lonely, try to express gratitude. You may think, "I am so grateful that I escaped the pain of my previous relationship. These feelings of loneliness indicate that I was strong enough to leave someone who did not treat me well."
- Being single can be a great experience. Use your free time to pursue your interests and find new hobbies. Reflect on everything you have learned from the relationship you just ended.
Step 2. Follow an action plan
To avoid being dragged back into a negative relationship, follow a specific schedule. Decide in advance what you will do to avoid the temptation to contact your ex again.
- Try to find a strategy for dealing with negative emotions in a healthy way. For example, when you feel lonely, what will you do? You should never find yourself phoning your former partner because of loneliness.
- Create a plan to tackle single life without contacting your ex. For example, you can decide to call a friend and go out with her, read a book or watch a movie.
Step 3. Give yourself a reward
It can be really hard to leave a relationship behind, even if she wasn't happy. It may seem strange to you, but many people testify that rewarding themselves has helped them. You can set a specific goal and give yourself a reward when you have achieved it.
For example, test yourself by trying to avoid checking your ex's social media profiles for a week. If you can, buy yourself a new dress
Step 4. Don't doubt your decision
Remember, you did the right thing. You can't be forever entangled in a relationship with a manipulator, you would never be happy. In the most difficult days, find peace of mind thinking that you have made the best decision.
Remind yourself why your relationship ended. When you feel regret, think back to all the betrayals and manipulation attempts you have endured in the past. This helps you accept the breakup and move on
Step 5. Seek help from positive people
After a bad breakup, the best thing you can do is surround yourself with optimism. Stay in the company of those who support you and love you. This will help you remember your worth. A strong support network is important for keeping distance from a manipulator.
Advice
- Never communicate with your ex for any reason. A true manipulator might try to suck you into an unhappy relationship.
- Look for support groups in your area for people who have just gotten out of difficult relationships. In some cases, knowing that you are not alone will be very helpful.
