In a relationship, and especially in the beginning, it can be difficult to understand how it feels. If you are struggling with mixed feelings about a potential partner, you are completely normal. Take some time to think about how you feel. Are you attracted to this person? Are you willing to put in some serious effort? Do you feel close to this person? Go through the relationship calmly, trying to pay attention to what you feel and why. If you are still torn, consider your emotions. Is there a reason you have these mixed feelings? What can you do to change? With a little self-analysis, you should be able to deal with these feelings.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Orienting yourself within the relationship
Step 1. Let things go slowly
If you're not sure how you feel, especially at the beginning of a relationship, be patient. Don't try to force things or commit too soon if you're unsure of your feelings. In a relationship it is important to let things develop gradually, especially if the feelings are confused.
- Keep your habits. If you are unsure of your feelings towards someone, you shouldn't sacrifice too much time for that person. While you are trying to understand your feelings, continue to pursue your hobbies and social commitments.
- If you haven't figured out what kind of relationship it is yet, don't worry. You shouldn't force yourself to make a serious commitment when you're still not sure how you feel, and there's no shame if the relationship remains undefined for some time.
- You should also take care of yourself. Eat right, exercise, and get enough rest. Take care of yourself as you normally would.
Step 2. Maintain your interests
You must always be yourself with this person. Keep practicing your hobbies and interests. See if you can include this person in your world. Doing this will help you understand if this relationship can work for you.
- Be clear about what's important to you. If you'd rather stay home on a Friday night than go out, try inviting this person over to you. Try to understand how it interacts in your world.
- Keep your interests alive. If you join a reading group every Friday, don't stop going even if this person invites you somewhere else. Make it support your interests, allow you to have fun and have a social life. If he indulges you, it's a good sign that this relationship might be a good fit for your lifestyle.
Step 3. Try doing something fun together
Fun is an important part of any romantic relationship. It's hard to be with someone if you don't have fun together. Together you should truly enjoy each other's company. Try doing something fun together. Find out if you feel happier and more confident. If you're having a hard time enjoying yourself, it could be a bad sign in the long run.
- What can be considered fun varies from person to person, so choose to do something you both love. If you like comedy, for example, go see a comedy show together.
- You can also try inviting her out with your friends. Try to figure out if his presence affects the group in a positive or negative way. Does it make social events more fun? Are you comfortable in your world?
Step 4. Try not to use sex to fuel feelings of intimacy
If your feelings are confused, you may be trying to suppress them. Many people use sex in an attempt to force feelings of intimacy. Sex will rarely help develop sustainable feelings of emotional intimacy with another person. Don't expect sex to get rid of the confusion of your feelings.
Step 5. Take a break if necessary
If you can't understand how you feel, and you've been together for some time, a break can help. You both may need to embark on a path of inner growth outside of the relationship. Eventually, you may want to rekindle the flame.
- If you decide to take a break, set clear rules. Clearly define how often you will see each other, if you will see each other during the break, and if you can try to engage in new relationships or have sex during the break. Decide if this break will end after a certain amount of time or if you want to leave things open in some way.
- Pay close attention to your feelings before getting back together after a break. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Do you really miss this person? Are you sad when it's not there? Do you feel like you grew up as a person while you were apart? If so, then getting back together might be a good idea. If, on the other hand, you have felt happier and freer, it might be worth moving on.
Step 6. Discuss your feelings with the other person
If you are in a serious relationship and are starting to doubt your feelings, it may be a good idea to talk about it openly. Take some time to discuss the problem and try to find a common solution if you don't want the relationship to end. Let her know in time that you want to discuss your relationship. Try saying, "I'm struggling with confusing feelings and I'd like to talk to you about them tonight when you get home from work."
- Try to focus on the present as you express yourself. Try to avoid bringing up facts from the past, even if they are the cause of your confused feelings. Instead, focus on how you feel right now. For example, "I've been having mixed feelings about our future lately. I want to know how you feel about this issue."
- Just don't talk, listen. Let the other person share their feelings with you as well. He may feel the same way, and in this case, you will need to discuss the future of the relationship. Do your best to truly understand what he is saying. If necessary, ask her questions.
- End the conversation with an idea of what the next step will be. For example, you may decide to take a break or see a psychologist together. You may also mutually decide to end the relationship.
Step 7. Make a relationship decision in each case
After some time, you will have to decide what your position is. After weighing a number of factors, consider whether your feelings are sincere and, if so, whether you want to continue this relationship. If you think you're not involved enough, maybe it's best to turn the relationship into friendship.
Even in a healthy relationship, conflicting feelings can sometimes appear. Don't be alarmed by temporary uncertainty if you decide to move on
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating Your Feelings
Step 1. Consider the attraction
Attraction is the key to most love relationships. If you are emotionally involved, sooner or later you will have intimate relationships with this person. Take some time to consider what kind of physical attraction you feel towards him.
- Think about how you feel about him physically. Are you attracted? Do you think this is mutual? If so, there may be potential for a love affair.
- But keep in mind that mutual attraction shouldn't be the deciding factor. Friends are also sometimes attracted to each other and at times this attraction could be similar to love affair. For example, you may want and miss a friend or friend when he is away. Try to figure out if your attraction to this person is both physical and romantic.
- Do you smile and laugh often when you are with this person? Are you looking forward to going out and spending time with her? Do you have similar interests and passions? If so, this could be a great foundation for a romance.
- If you have mixed feelings, try to understand if when you have fun together it has an emotional value. Friends also laugh and have fun together. If you don't feel a romantic spark when you're having a good time, maybe it's best to consider this relationship as a friendship.
Step 2. Find out if you feel close to this person
If you spend time with someone, you should begin to feel close to that person. You should be able to openly share your thoughts and concerns. If you have a hard time feeling closeness, or if you have more of a sense of friendship than anything else, this person may not be for you.
Step 3. Look for common goals
Shared goals are important in a relationship. This is what differentiates a romantic relationship from a friendship. Friends don't necessarily have a common purpose. A partner, on the other hand, should have similar goals to yours if you are compatible.
- Think about long-term goals. Do you and this person have similar ambitions? Do you have common ideas for the future on issues such as marriage and children? These topics are important in a love relationship. If you have different views on the matter, this could be the reason for your confusion. It might be best to turn this relationship into a friendship.
- You should also think about the things you believe in. Do you have similar ideas about politics, religion and moral values? While it's normal to disagree with your partner about everything, certain shared values are important. If you and the person in question often disagree, maybe that's why you have mixed feelings.
Step 4. Find out if you are fascinated by this person
In an emotional relationship, there are often very intense thoughts towards the other. Mentally you could put her on a pedestal and in this way think that her flaws or quirks are fascinating. You may also think that this person has extraordinary talents or that they are very intelligent and have a great personality. In a friendship, one is generally not fascinated by someone. If this kind of infatuation is absent, then it's best to just be friends.
Part 3 of 3: Consider your emotions
Step 1. Recognize that emotions are complicated
People often feel the need to completely resign themselves to conflicting feelings. You may feel the need to have only one feeling towards someone. In any case, mixed feelings are a common thing. In fact, there will be mixed feelings in most of the relationships you will face.
- Mixed feelings can actually be a sign of maturity. Instead of just classifying a person as good or bad, you are able to see his good and bad qualities. Sometimes you love your boyfriend for his spontaneity. Other times you find her being so unpredictable to be annoying.
- Try to accept that there will be a minimum of mixed feelings in any relationship. If you want to be with someone despite these feelings, that's a good sign. You are willing to acknowledge imperfections and frustrations, but in any case you want to be with this person.
Step 2. Examine your fears and insecurities
If you are prone to having mixed feelings and insecurity, there may be a reason. If you have a lot of repressed fears or insecurities, you may often have doubts about yourself.
- Have you been rejected in the past by someone important to you? If so, you may have a fear of chronic rejection. Frequent mixed feelings could be a way of protecting yourself from getting too attached to yourself.
- Are you an insecure person? If you are afraid of being abandoned and don't feel you are worthy of loving or making a commitment, it will affect almost all of your decisions. You may not be sure about a relationship because you are afraid of getting involved in it.
Step 3. Identify your needs and wants
To understand if a relationship is right for you, you need to know what you want. You need to know what you need and what you want from a partner. Find out if this person can give you what you are looking for.
- Think about your emotional reactions to important events in your life. How can someone best support you emotionally? What do you look for in another person?
- It may help to make a list of attributes that are important to you in a partner. Consider whether this person will be able to satisfy these emotional needs of yours.
