Feelings are cognitive reactions that give what you feel a certain meaning. Sometimes they can be too intense and cause people to engage in compensatory mechanisms, such as watching television for hours on end, shopping, or gambling. Left unchecked, these defensive strategies can lead to even more unpleasant consequences, such as debt, addiction, and poor health, which in turn risk triggering even more intense feelings, creating a vicious cycle. This article will give you some practical tips for managing your feelings.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Grasp the Feelings
Step 1. Keep in mind that feelings are a reflection of our inner world
They are a consequence of the way we see the reality around us. Positive feelings are those we perceive when we are well, while negative feelings are those we experience when we are bad: they are neither right nor wrong. Both are part of life. By accepting them, you will prepare yourself to manage yourself in situations where emotionality is very strong.
Feelings help us better understand what we need. For example, in ancient times fear was a signal that warned man when he was in danger. It could literally mean the difference between life and death. By recognizing the usefulness of feelings, even when they are not so pleasant, you can learn to manage them
Step 2. Breathe deeply
Breathing exercises help you calm down, understand how you feel, regain control and reconnect the mind to the body. You can rework what you feel only when you are calm. Try practicing the following breathing exercise. Place one hand on your abdomen and inhale through your nose, counting to five. You need to feel this part of your body swell as you bring in the air. Exhale through your mouth, counting to five. In this case, you need to feel your stomach deflating as you expel it.
Step 3. Analyze your feelings
What part of the body do they come from? How intense are they? How is your breathing? What is the posture? What sensations do you have on your face? Do they tend to amplify or diminish? Pay attention to the different parts of the body involved in a certain mood. Note your heart rate, stomach, body temperature, extremities of your hands and feet, muscles, and any sensations in your skin.
Step 4. Name your feelings
Which words describe them best? Anger? Sense of guilt? Anxiety? Sadness? Fear? For example, anger triggers a sensation of heat spread throughout the body and, among other things, increases the heart rate. Anxiety can cause breathlessness, speed up the heart rate, increase sweating of the hands and feet, and generate a sense of tightness in the chest.
You may experience more than one emotion at a time. Try to analyze everything you hear
Step 5. Accept your feelings
Let them pass through you without making judgments, resisting, or repressing them. Accept them: they are natural physical reactions. If you find yourself forming thoughts or judging what you are feeling, acknowledge them, then bring your attention back to what you are feeling physically.
Sometimes, this can be enough for you to be able to manage your feelings. Ignoring them, avoiding them and repressing them takes an enormous mental effort. In fact, this way they risk becoming stronger and last longer. By accepting what you feel without fearing it, you will free your mind and be able to face the situation that triggered it
Part 2 of 4: Analyzing Emotions on Your Own
Step 1. Take a quarter of an hour to write down what you are feeling
Describe the situation that gave rise to your feelings. What happened? Who said what? Why does he touch you? Identify and name everything you hear. Don't edit, don't censor yourself, and don't worry about spelling, grammar and syntax. Be honest with yourself. Put everything in black and white.
- The more honest you are, the more you will be able to control what you are feeling.
- By doing so, you will be able to distance yourself from your thoughts and you will be able to observe the situation with greater objectivity.
Step 2. Identify mental patterns and negative thoughts
Often, people get used to seeing things with pessimism, believing that what they think is true. Try to see how much of what you have written is based on facts and how much is the result of your opinions. Cognitive-behavioral therapy is founded on the principle that the way of thinking shapes the way of perceiving things and emotions. Therefore, he does mental exercises that help the patient manage what he thinks so that he can better control his feelings.
By rereading them you will be able to identify more easily what your thinking is lacking in
Step 3. Write an answer as you would give it to a close friend
Usually, we tend to judge and criticize ourselves more severely than we would with others. Therefore, be indulgent towards yourself and rationally analyze what you have written. Consider the facts and try to give yourself good advice.
If you have difficulty writing, consider recording your thoughts on a dedicated smartphone application (you can speak for up to ten minutes at a time). Listen to it once you have finished speaking. While listening, notice any unnecessary thoughts. Repeat the exercise three times
Step 4. Read your answers
Once you've finished writing, read the text. Put it aside and read it again after a good sleep or after a day. In the meantime, do something relaxing or your favorite hobby. This break will allow you to distance yourself from your feelings and offer yourself a new perspective from which to observe the situation.
Store what you wrote in a place away from prying eyes. You will be able to be more honest with yourself if you are sure that your thoughts will remain private
Part 3 of 4: Analyzing Your Feelings with a Person You Trust
Step 1. Choose a person you trust and enjoy talking to
Explain that you want to share with her something that concerns you personally. You will find it easier to talk about your problems with someone you love. Ask him if he can give you a moment. If he is worried or stressed, he is not in a position to help you. If you can, choose someone you trust who has had an experience similar to yours. He will be able to understand what you are going through and, as a result, his empathy will be of enormous comfort to you.
Step 2. Tell her about your feelings
Explain to her what gave rise to everything you are feeling. Tell her why it is a problem. Let it out by telling what's going through your head. It will be liberating to express everything you are feeling, as well as beneficial to physical health.
Step 3. Ask her for her opinion
In response to what you have told her, she will probably want to tell you about her personal experiences to show you that what happened to you can happen to anyone. It may allow you to look at things from a perspective you've never considered.
Part 4 of 4: Managing Root Feelings
Step 1. Learn to manage negative thoughts
Take stock of your feelings. Once you have analyzed them and observed your situation from all angles, ask yourself if there is another way to interpret what you are experiencing. What changes have your moods undergone since you began to examine them? In fact, what we feel changes according to the change in our thoughts.
Step 2. Consider what you can do to change the situation
Alone, or with your partner's help, list everything you could do to change the situation you are in. Consider the consequences, the effort you should put in, and whether to ask someone else for help. Your course of action will vary depending on the people involved and the relationship you have with them (family, your partner, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, your boss), so think about what is best for you. according to the circumstances.
Step 3. Take action
Do what you can to change the situation you are in. If you are involved in any affair, be honest and take responsibility for your actions. Apologize for any mistakes you may have made and try to find a remedy. If you are aware that you have done your best, you will be able to get rid of certain feelings more easily.
Step 4. Close this chapter of your life
If for any reason all attempts to resolve a given situation are ineffective or if you are literally unable to reach a compromise with the people involved (for example, they have failed or have closed all contact with you), think of yourself. same and move on. Remember that you have done everything possible and that this situation has taught you many things. Don't forget the lesson you have learned.
Step 5. Consult a therapist
Sometimes, it can be difficult to understand what is at the root of what you are feeling. Your therapist can help you find out where your feelings come from and teach you how to manage them effectively.
- Try using this site to find a qualified professional near you. You can also ask your doctor for advice on who to contact.
- It is quite common to believe that the therapist's help is justified only in the case of enormous or unmanageable problems. In reality, this professional helps the patient identify unnecessary mental patterns and behaviors in everyday life, teaching him effective methods to live an emotionally stable and satisfying life.
Advice
- If you are addicted to gambling or have incurred a lot of debt, consider seeking help from a mental health professional. A therapist can guide you through the process of managing feelings, maintaining the confidentiality and objectivity that a loved one is unable to have.
- By keeping a journal and updating it regularly, you will have less difficulty managing what you feel.
