A loving relationship that lasts over time can be extremely fulfilling because it offers us the opportunity to grow and share our journey with someone. Having said that, it is not easy to find the right person at the right time: it takes patience and commitment, not to mention the care that is also needed to get the relationship off the ground. Knowing what you want, respecting yourself and maintaining a positive attitude are very important aspects both to find a partner and to keep them close.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Eliminating Obstacles
Step 1. Ask yourself what you expect from a relationship
Although many people want to be in a relationship to "get" something in return (love, sex or gratification), a healthy relationship can only be built between two people who are willing to share their love, their life and their intimacy.
Step 2. Respect yourself
There are many problems that can arise in the course of a relationship if you are unable to love yourself and give yourself the respect you deserve. Self-love can easily be undermined by past failed relationships or childhood trauma that has never been overcome.
- Having respect for yourself means accepting who you are and forgiving your mistakes. When you develop this attitude, you will be able to love, welcome and forgive your partner as well.
- A person who can respect himself is also aware that he deserves to be treated with respect. It is essential to avoid falling into abusive and oppressive relationships.
Step 3. Face your past
One of the least desirable things in a new relationship is having unresolved issues from previous relationships or marriages. By working out the reasons why your last relationship failed, you will also avoid falling back into the same mistakes.
- A psychotherapist could help you better understand the patterns with which you set up your relationships, allowing you to constructively solve complex and delicate problems.
- It is never too late to change your behavior patterns. If you think you may not be able to be intimate with someone or make a relationship last, consider that you can always change over time and with the right guidance.
Step 4. Don't get engaged just so as not to be alone
Sometimes, social conditioning leads us to believe that it is necessary to have a stable relationship at all costs. It's not true. Remember that it is better to be single than to be with the wrong person. Make sure your interest in a potential partner is genuine.
Step 5. Be aware that attraction can increase over time
Love at first sight is always exciting, but few relationships are born this way. Even if someone does not immediately spark the attraction, it does not mean that they are not the right person: lasting love is something that gradually grows, so even two friends can fall in love. When evaluating people you may be with, don't get too obsessed with physical appearance. Endowments like kindness, a sense of humor and curiosity are much more important in the long run and after a while, without even realizing it, you may find that you are attracted to someone you never imagined.
Step 6. Don't expect to change your partner
In the initial stages it is easy to overlook certain aspects that we do not like about the other person, thinking sooner or later to be able to change them. However, remember that only the other person can decide if, how and when to change. If there's any aspect of your partner that you think you can't tolerate in the long run, think about it before the relationship becomes more serious.
Likewise, be careful if the other wants to change you. Growing up together is one thing, but neither should change for the other
Step 7. Don't pay too much attention to detail
While some behavioral patterns (such as drinking too much, acting violently, or irresponsibly) are clearly unacceptable, there may be many other small annoying behaviors, such as chewing with your mouth open, dressing sloppily, or having different preferences in music. If you have a strong interest in someone, don't let this nonsense become an excuse to avoid building a more intimate relationship.
Step 8. Consider how a healthy relationship develops
It is not easy to distinguish the dynamics of a healthy couple from those of a toxic bond, especially if you have grown up in a dysfunctional relationship. Fortunately, you can find a lot of information on the Internet related to balance in romantic relationships. Use them to set the right boundaries before building a relationship.
For example, ask yourself what you would be able to tolerate from a partner and what you would not tolerate. If anyone violates these limits, stick to your position
Part 2 of 3: Meet Someone and Go Out Together
Step 1. Find out where you might meet like-minded people
If you have a hard time meeting new people, try listing everything you enjoy doing. Having common interests can be a great incentive for a relationship.
- Consider pursuing a hobby - such as hiking, reading, or dancing - by attending an association.
- Advance a cause you believe in by volunteering at a food bank, helping out at an animal shelter, or joining a political movement.
- Take a course. Find information on courses organized by associations, centers and cultural groups. A cooking, foreign language or painting course is very rewarding in itself, but it can also be a great opportunity to meet people.
Step 2. Don't completely trust online dating services
For some people, getting to know on the Internet can work, while for others it may be of little use if they feel under excessive pressure or find the virtual dynamics that ensue not very spontaneous. If you decide to give it a try, remember that, despite all the formulas supposedly created to favor the search for the perfect partner, getting to know someone is a long process, which cannot exclude the real meeting and the physical presence.
Step 3. Meet someone using your knowledge
You could meet the perfect partner by reaching out to friends, family, neighbors and co-workers. Try to be open to the idea of meeting new people and accept the invitations you receive. If someone piques your interest, strike up a conversation or ask someone you already know to introduce them to you.
You may also find yourself getting acquainted on social media, for example by leaving a comment under a friend's post and getting a response from someone else
Step 4. Arrange an informal appointment
If you have met an interesting person, take the initiative and propose that they meet you again very casually. Generally, a coffee at the bar is a good choice. Other alternatives depend on how you met: for example, if you go to a hiking association, you could invite them for a walk in the mountains, perhaps in the company of some other friend. If you both love music, you could ask her to accompany you to a concert.
- It is preferable to choose a public place frequented by other people. This way, you both have the certainty of getting to know each other in a neutral environment where you can be relaxed.
- Furthermore, an informal meeting allows you to exclude any kind of pressure which, instead, could involve an official invitation.
Step 5. Learn to accept rejection
When you're dating someone, rejection is inevitable, and if so, you should learn to handle the situation in a positive way.
- Don't take it personally. A person can have several reasons why they don't want to commit to a serious relationship, most of which are absolutely not dependent on you.
- Maintain a constructive attitude. In case you have received several rejections, take a step back and ask yourself if by chance there is something in your approach that you should change. Maybe you are in a hurry or maybe you choose people with whom you have no common interests. In any case, don't dwell too much on the past - try to be positive and move on.
- Don't ignore your mood. Some rejections can be particularly difficult to overcome. If you are sad or angry, acknowledge it instead of repressing your feelings. In this way, you will be able to definitively overcome what happened.
Step 6. Don't have sex in the early stages of acquaintance
By sharing your intimacy with someone you have just met, you risk jeopardizing the development of your relationship by forging ahead. If the other person likes you, there may be emotions connected with sex that both of you are not yet ready to handle. Moreover, consider the risk associated with engaging in unresponsive behavior regarding sensitive issues, such as the contagion of sexually transmitted diseases, an unwanted pregnancy or, even worse, the risk that the other person disappears immediately afterwards!
Even if the person you're dating doesn't hide their desire to have sex, they should never put you under pressure. Make it clear that your delay is not the same as rejection, but rather a sign of interest: you like it and want to wait for the right moment. If she can't understand this, distance yourself - her behavior could indicate a possessive or potentially violent character. The fact that someone does not respect your limits is a wake-up call not to be underestimated
Step 7. Evaluate how you behave in the presence of your respective friends and family
If you continue dating, sooner or later you will meet the people who are part of his life and vice versa. Consider how comfortable you feel in these contexts - it could be an important signal to understand how your relationship is progressing.
It may be that one of you - or both of you - are not completely comfortable. Is not serious. The important thing is that each one demonstrates the will to socialize with the most important affections of the other
Step 8. Maintain connections with your family and friends
While relationships that have just blossomed tend to take up all of our time, it's important to resist the urge to hide from the rest of the world with the person you love. Try to stay in touch with friends and family, making time to call and see them regularly. Don't forget that love stories come and go, while there are people in your life who will love you forever.
Step 9. Watch out for negative signs
Some clues may lead us to understand that the relationship may have taken a bad turn. Learn to follow your instincts by paying attention to your partner's behaviors. If you feel belittled, insecure, or as if you are ashamed of something, it's best to end this relationship and invest your time in finding true affection.
- Alcohol-Prone Relationship: You can only get along when you've been drinking.
- Lack of Commitment: Some people find it difficult to commit to a serious relationship due to their past, such as a difficult family history or their inability to trust.
- Bad non-verbal communication: the other person should also show you his interest through body language, for example by looking into your eyes and touching you. otherwise, there may be poor understanding.
- Jealousy: The other person does not like the fact that you engage in other important things in your life, including hobbies, friends and family.
- Manipulative Behavior: The partner wants to matter what to do, think and feel.
- Feeding guilt: Your partner blames you for your failed relationships and / or refuses to take responsibility for their actions.
- Exclusively sexual intercourse: the only moments you spend together are in bed.
- Absence of partner: The other person is not interested in sharing moments together (except in bed).
Part 3 of 3: Cultivating a New Relationship
Step 1. Find activities to share
When the initial excitement subsides, you need to go out of your way to be together and invest in your relationship. Discuss what you like to do by finding activities that stimulate both of you so that you can practice them regularly, even if you are too busy.
Several researches indicate that the novelties herald of enthusiasm increase desire and bring people closer
Step 2. Don't stop communicating
Honest and respectful dialogue is an indispensable ingredient in any relationship. Your bond will tend to strengthen as you continue to share emotions, fears and desires.
Step 3. Build trust as a couple by slowly showing your weaknesses
Building a relationship based on trust takes time. It is possible to feed it by showing the respective vulnerabilities, but without haste: they should be shown in small doses. Over time, a deep bond will be created.
In the early stages of the relationship, one thing to share could be, for example, not having a good relationship with siblings. Over time, more details could be provided as to why such an understanding is lacking. In any case, it is best to avoid sharing the most intimate secrets as soon as you start dating
Step 4. Don't give up on your independence
Although it is not always easy to maintain a certain balance between the couple relationship and self-realization, the latter is a very important factor in the love life. If you are independent, you will continue to grow individually by doing what you love. In this way, you will not only be able to avoid the development of dysfunctional relational models, such as codependency (i.e. the total emotional dependence on the partner that jeopardizes self-love and the construction of one's own identity), but also feel stimulated and regenerated by the fact that everyone he dedicates himself to what he is most passionate about and for which he is talented.
Step 5. Don't be afraid of differences
As the relationship progresses, disagreements are inevitable. The important thing is that you feel comfortable manifesting what is troubling you, without being afraid of the consequences. Argue without taking offense, listening to each other's opinions, making a commitment to solve problems and trying to find a compromise for the sake of the relationship.
