It's not easy to end a long-distance relationship. If you can't stand the idea of being away from the person you love or feel trapped in a relationship with someone you are no longer in love with, it's easier to put off the inevitable and let the situation get worse. Distance slows everything down, the beginning of the relationship as well as its end. However, once closed, you may be able to take a lot of weight off your stomach.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Deciding to Quit
Step 1. Analyze your feelings
Ask yourself why you want to leave your partner and identify all the things that make you unhappy in this relationship.
- List everything that bothers you. The problem is the distance is it or your partner? Consider if you can change the situation or if you are dealing with side effects due to the distance.
- If you are unsure, make a list of the positives and negatives, writing down the reasons that keep you going and the reasons that make you move on. Think carefully about each point, because one very negative element can nullify so many positive aspects.
Step 2. Make sure you make the right decision
See if you can relieve your frustration by talking to the other person. If you are sure you want to end the relationship, be determined and plan each step.
If you are tired of being separated but still love your partner, consider discussing your future with them. Long-distance relationships tend to work best when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, which is when you intend to reset geographic distance in a reasonable time
Step 3. Consider confiding in a friend
If you need to vent your thoughts but aren't ready to talk to the other person about your relationship problems, talk to a close friend, family member, or counselor.
- Express your impatience and explain why you are considering ending your relationship. Ask the person you are confiding in if your reasons are well founded. It may confirm your doubts or help you see the situation in a different light.
- If your partner has also ended a long-distance relationship, try asking him for advice. He could give you valuable suggestions.
Step 4. Start moving on with your life
Stop living in the shadow of a long-distance relationship. Open up to the opportunities around you and consider what can make you truly happy.
- If you're thinking about ending your relationship, a taste of what your life could be will help you make up your mind. If you begin to emotionally detach yourself from your partner and see that you are all right, maybe breaking up is the right choice.
- Try to make new friends. Consider joining a Meetup group or attending free events in your city. Play it alone and don't think about the next time you see your partner. Do everything your relationship has prevented you from doing so far.
- Live for yourself and enjoy every moment of the day. You may find that by doing this you will be able to catch your breath.
Step 5. Make a clean break
If yours has been a serious and exclusive relationship from the beginning, but now you want to go out with other people, you should break up with your partner before allowing yourself to hang out again. Don't disrespect him.
- If you cheat on him and he finds out, he is very likely to decide to break up with you. However, the process could be more painful and prolong an already compromised situation.
- If you are considering ending your relationship because you are starting to care about another person, know that sooner or later you will have to choose. The sooner you make this decision, the fewer complications will arise for all parties involved.
Part 2 of 4: Ending the Relationship in Person
Step 1. Consider leaving your partner in person
It is generally best to end a relationship by eyeing yourself, if possible, so that your partner can close this chapter with the dignity it deserves. So, show respect for the time and energy you both have invested in your relationship.
- This is probably the hardest step to take when deciding to end a long distance relationship. On the one hand you feel compelled to define the situation face to face, but on the other hand you are so used to making the most of your moments together that they could have become a sort of dream, a holiday from everyday life that is difficult to interrupt..
- If you are planning to visit your partner soon, take advantage of it. If you haven't planned any visits, then consider visiting him as soon as possible. You don't have to come up with any excuses, but you'd better inform him of your decision and then go to him.
- If you have something that belongs to him, like a sweater or his favorite book, this is the perfect opportunity to give it back to him when you meet him.
- Talk to him when you are alone, not at your parents' house. That way you won't feel uncomfortable if you wish to leave.
Step 2. Avoid closing your story during a vacation or long trip
- On vacation it is not easy to break up because the daily problems of the couple are less evident. However, be aware that the usual frustrations may re-emerge when everyone returns to everyday life.
- If you put an end to your relationship under these circumstances, you may find yourself in close contact with an ex who is on edge 24/7 for the rest of your vacation.
Step 3. Avoid putting on a show
Don't leave it in a busy place, such as a restaurant, coffee shop, or bar. The situation could escalate.
- Make sure you can walk away easily once you clear up. Avoid leaving your belongings in his home, otherwise there is a risk that you will not be able to retrieve them easily.
- Consider talking to him in an uncrowded place, such as a park.
Step 4. Bring up the discussion
Try to get to the point by saying, "We need to talk. This relationship is no longer good and I'd rather we break up."
- Explain the reasons that prompted you to close your story. Be kind and friendly, but don't compromise. Speak honestly and from the heart.
- For example, you could say, "I can't handle the distance anymore. It is devouring and destroying me. You are wonderful and I wish you find someone who can give you what you need, but I won't be that person."
- Alternatively: "I don't think we're going to live together in the future and I don't want to keep investing time and energy in something that doesn't get me anywhere. I wanted to tell you in person, but this is the situation. We have to break up."
Step 5. Stand firm on your position
Don't give the impression that you are looking for a deal or some kind of suggestion. Be determined and express your intentions clearly.
- Try to explain yourself in a simple and concise way. The longer you go on, the more complicated the situation will be. Too many words risk entangling it further.
- Do not argue. Avoid accusing or blaming your partner. Explain that the decision you have made depends on the fact that you are not emotionally involved in this relationship.
Step 6. Close the story with the dignity it deserves
Be patient and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Give her the opportunity to tell her version and listen to it.
- Stay long enough to help her get over it. Keep in mind that those who are romantically involved will not automatically feel at peace with themselves, even though the situation is clearer for both of you.
- When there is nothing more to say or you feel the conversation is revolving around the same points, wish your ex well and walk away.
Part 3 of 4: Closing the Relationship From Away
Step 1. Consider a phone call or video call if you can't end your story in person
You need to express what you are feeling in the most personal way possible, so that you leave your partner with dignity.
- Avoid texting or online messaging applications. These channels favor forms of communication that are much more impersonal than a phone call or video call and, by using them, you risk leaving your partner without the dignity they deserve. If you've been together for some time, you may feel numb and inappropriate by breaking up with a text message.
- Avoid posting your breakup on social networks, such as Twitter or Facebook. It may seem like a passive-aggressive gesture, and the other person might take revenge in the same way.
Step 2. Let him know that you need to talk to him
Determine the time and means to communicate. This will prepare you for a serious discussion and you will have less difficulty explaining your decision.
- For example, send a text message saying, "Are you free tonight at eight for a phone call? Is there something I need to talk to you about."
- If you regularly schedule "Skype appointments" or phone calls in the evening, consider letting them know of your decision this way.
- "We have to talk" is the universal phrase to communicate: "There is something wrong with our relationship". If you use these words before starting the conversation, you may already have an idea of what you are going to say. If you've already had a relationship problem, you might as well expect it.
Step 3. Call and start talking
Get right to the point by saying, "I hate doing it on the phone, but I have to say what I think. This relationship is no longer good and I'd rather we break up."
- Explain the reasons for closing your story. Be kind and friendly, but don't compromise. Speak honestly and from the heart.
- For example, you could say, "I can't handle the distance anymore. It is devouring and destroying me. You are wonderful and I wish you find someone who can give you what you need, but I won't be that person."
- Alternatively: "I don't think we're going to live together in the future and I don't want to continue investing time and energy in something that gets me nowhere."
Step 4. Stand firm on your position
This is especially important if you decide to end your relationship without looking the other person in the eye. Don't give the impression that you are looking for a deal or some kind of suggestion. Be determined and express your intentions clearly.
- Try to explain yourself in a simple and concise way. The longer you go on, the more complicated the situation will be. Too many words risk entangling it further.
- Do not argue. Avoid accusing or blaming your partner. Explain that the decision you have made depends on the fact that you are not emotionally involved in this relationship.
Step 5. Close the story with the dignity it deserves
Be patient and put yourself in the other person's shoes. Give her the opportunity to tell her version and listen to it.
- Stay online as long as necessary to help her get over it. Keep in mind that those who are romantically involved will not automatically feel at peace with themselves, even though the situation is clearer for both of you.
- When there is nothing more to say, hang up. It's over.
Step 6. Have your ex deliver the personal belongings he left at your home
You could fill a box and mail it to him or give it to a mutual friend with the task of returning the contents.
- Let him know how you plan to return his personal items and keep your word. This is a kind gesture that can ease the grudge they may have towards you.
- Do not hesitate. This way you will be able to turn the page as quickly as possible. If you put it off, you will only feel worse when you are later forced to give him his things back.
Part 4 of 4: Cutting All Bridges
Step 1. Establish hard limits
Avoid talking to your ex too often and resist the urge to contact or reply to him. Let him know that your relationship is over and make your intentions clear.
- If you used to interact with him via phone calls, text messages, and the Internet, you will need to adopt other habits. Your relationship also existed thanks to the use of technological devices.
- If you "leave" a person, but keep talking to them every day, you will still feel a strong emotional involvement in them. If you can set clear boundaries, do it without hesitation, but don't drag on a relationship that you have decided to end.
- Make sure he understands it well. If you ended your relationship, your ex may continue to feel connected to you and try to contact you again. You have to treat him with respect.
Step 2. Encourage him to get over it
Whether he wants to explain what he thinks or vent his frustrations, he will probably still feel the need to talk to you after you break up. Behave the way you think is right, but consider making time to talk to him.
- Put yourself in his shoes, but stay on your position. Listen to him and try to understand his point of view. Reflect on his speech, without being swayed. Don't forget why you decided to leave him.
- If he's from your area and wants to meet you to talk, accept, but be careful. You risk giving it the wrong idea if you fall back into the old relational patterns that occurred closely.
Step 3. Continue with your life
Put your cell phone away and go out. Hang out with friends and co-workers. Enjoy your freedom.
- Try meeting new people. Join a Meetup group, attend events organized in your city and create a new network of acquaintances.
- Use the breakup of your relationship to find new inspiration and improve your life. Dedicate yourself to the things you've always wanted to do. If you consider it as a personal growth experience, you will overcome it more easily and you will not risk giving in to pressure from your ex again.
Step 4. Avoid ruminating
End the relationship, even if a period of ups and downs will begin. There is a reason you made this decision.
- If you miss him, remember why you left him.
- Keep a list of reasons why you have moved on. If you start considering mending the relationship because you miss the good times you spent with your ex, read it so you don't retrace your steps.
