Abuse can take many forms, but both mental and physical abuse must be tackled quickly and safely. If you are in a relationship based on abuse, you need to take immediate action to protect your well-being and find a direct path to recovery. Plan a worthy conclusion for this report, keep yourself safe and move on.
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. Get help
There are various organizations that help victims of abuse. If you're not sure where to start or just want to discuss the nature of your relationship with someone, try one of the following resources. Be careful when using your home computer or mobile phone, as visits and phone calls remain logged in the history or call list.
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Toll-free women's anti-violence number: 1522.
To find an anti-violence center, visit the website of "Women on the net against violence"
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There are other resources to further inform you about the topic.
To find out more, click on this site
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Try to call the Pink Phone: 0637518282.
If you are a man, you can call the Friendly Phone: 199 284 284
- Worldwide organizations: List of international bodies against domestic violence.
Step 2. Recognize the abuse
If you are a victim of physical violence from your partner, then you are living in a relationship based on abuse, there is no excuse. However, abuse can take many other forms, which are more difficult to detect and easier for sufferers to justify. The partner does not have to raise their hands for their behavior to be considered violent.
- Physical abuse it means hitting, pushing or carrying out any other type of physical attack on the victim. An assault has no excuse, absolutely never, furthermore physical abuse must be reported and the relationship must be terminated immediately.
- L' emotional abuse it includes humiliation, denigration, manipulation, threats, intimidation and degradation. If your partner is constantly making you feel worthless, pathetic, or worthless, you are probably experiencing such a situation.
- L' economic abuse it occurs when a person exercises complete control over the victim by rigidly controlling their finances, to the point of making them lose their personal freedom. It can take many forms, including limiting her ability to work, stealing money she earns, and not allowing her to access shared bank accounts.
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L' sexual abuse unfortunately it is a typical component of relationships of this type. Just because you have allowed sexual intercourse in the past doesn't necessarily mean you have to do it all the time. It is also not mandatory to have sex just because you have cultivated a romantic bond for a certain amount of time. If you feel pressured to have sex even when you don't want to, and the experience is unsafe or degrading, you are being abused.
Another element that characterizes sexual abuse occurs when a man gets a woman pregnant without her consent, or forces her to terminate the pregnancy against her will
Step 3. Don't apologize or take abusive behavior lightly
For an attacker, it is very common to trick the victim into believing that the violence is his or her fault. When someone behaves aggressively, violently or manipulatively towards you, the responsibility is never yours. Remember that despite the following conditions, the relationship can still be violent:
- Your partner has never hit you. However, emotional and verbal abuse is nonetheless such.
- The abuse doesn't seem as bad to you as it does in other cases of violence you have heard.
- You have only experienced physical violence a couple of times. However, if it has already happened, it is a sign that it could repeat itself.
- The signs of abuse disappeared the moment you became passive, stopped arguing, or held back from expressing your thoughts or opinions.
Step 4. Document the abuse
If you do eventually face the offender in court, hard evidence can help you get a restraining order, win a child custody battle, or otherwise ensure that this type of abuse will never happen again.
- If you can, try to document times when this person verbally assaults or threatens you with a device. This can go a long way in determining the character of the attacker, who will likely behave perfectly in court.
- Take pictures to prove physical abuse. Report it to the authorities immediately and see a doctor immediately. The medical records and the police report will provide enough evidence of the violence.
Step 5. Remember that abuse is not your fault
You are not responsible for your partner's actions, regardless of what they say. You do not deserve to be attacked, you have done nothing to provoke the abuse, in fact, you are entitled to a happy and violence-free life.
The mental and behavioral patterns that lead the abuser to commit abuse are caused by deeply ingrained emotional and psychological problems, not your actions. Unfortunately, without professional help, these issues are unlikely to resolve themselves
Part 2 of 4: Establish a Safe Plan
Step 1. Make a list of trusted people, with their contact details next to them
If you need to call someone for help, you need to have an emergency phone number sheet (so you can use someone else's cell phone if necessary). The identity of these people should not be taken for granted, in the sense that the attacker does not have to know who you will turn to in an emergency. Also, include police, hospital, and shelter numbers for battered women.
- If you are concerned that the attacker will have a tantrum if he finds the list, keep it hidden or "disguise" it so that it looks like something else.
- If you have children, make sure you have access to a list of phone numbers to call when needed. Also, arrange with a neighbor or friend to bring them to him in an emergency (as well as calling 112).
Step 2. Establish a password
You can decide to use a password or code with your children, neighbors, friends or co-workers to indicate that you are in danger and need help. If you do, the person in question should have a specific plan to intervene, such as calling the police right away.
Step 3. Prepare a contingency plan
If you are facing an abuse situation, you should develop a plan to deal with the violence. Know the safest areas of your home to take refuge (do not go to a small room with no escape routes or a room containing easily usable objects as weapons).
The escape plan should be an integral part of the program. You should try to refuel your car regularly and always have it available. If possible, hide an additional key where you can easily find it as you escape. Practice getting out of the house quickly and getting into the car; if you have children, have them exercise with you
Step 4. Open a separate bank account and save some money
If you have time, it is ideal to plan well in advance to open a bank account or credit card in your name only. Preferably, try to have a mailbox to receive correspondence that is not to be seen by the attacker. Start putting money into this account, you need to have enough to start over without worrying about money in the beginning.
If the abuser engages in economic abuse, this may be difficult. Don't let a nearly drained account or lack of emergency funds stop you from saving yourself from the situation. A shelter, relative, or friend can offer you financial support to help you get back on your feet
Step 5. Hide a duffel bag to escape in the middle of the night
To make sure you are able to leave at any moment, pack a bag and hide it in a safe place where the attacker will not be able to find it. You may decide to keep it at someone else's home to prevent any problems. It must be light and easy to carry, so that you can grab and leave it when needed. Here's what to pack:
- Prescription Medicines.
- Identity card and copies of important documents.
- Clothes.
- Some personal hygiene products.
Step 6. Make a plan for your children
You should speak to a shelter, call center, or lawyer to see if it would be best to take them with you when you leave. If they are in danger, you should do what you can to save them. If they're not taking any chances, it would be safer to walk away on her own at first.
Part 3 of 4: Go Away
Step 1. End the relationship as soon as possible
Depending on your involvement, it may be necessary to make preparations for departure, making sure to protect your safety as much as possible. If you've recently entered the relationship, you can usually just walk away, while abusive marriages can be much more complicated. Make a plan and put it into action as soon as possible.
Don't wait for the abuse to get worse before taking action. If you are in a relationship on the verge of becoming abusive, your partner is unlikely to be able to change. The abuse is not caused by a wrong committed by the victim, it is provoked by the aggressor
Step 2. Choose a safe time to leave
If you have decided to escape, you will probably have to do it when the attacker is not at home. Get organized and prepare to escape while he's out. Give yourself enough time to grab your emergency bag and essential documents, then escape before risking a chase.
- You don't have to leave a letter or an explanation as to why you left. You can just escape.
- If you don't have your own transportation, arrange for someone to pick you up. Are you afraid of imminent danger? You can ask the police to go to your house to help you get out.
Step 3. Leave your mobile at home
If you have jotted down the important numbers elsewhere, it would be best to leave it before you leave. Phones can be configured to track them (useful for locating a lost or stolen cell phone, but not for escaping from an attacker). Leaving it at home can help you sow the perpetrator.
Consider buying a prepaid cell phone and put it in your emergency bag. It may allow you to make important phone calls related to your escape and safety, without the attacker having a chance to track you down
Step 4. Apply for a Family Abuse Protection Order
This is a court-issued document that allows you to have legal protection from an attacker in your family. To get it, collect all the evidence of abuse you have, write a letter describing the situation and the relationship with the perpetrator. Turn everything over to the court. They should give you further instructions on how to fill out the appropriate documents to get a restriction order.
- Once you have applied for a restraining order, this decision will need to be legally communicated to the attacker if approved. To find out more about the procedure, ask a lawyer for advice.
- Once you have a restraining order, keep it with you at all times. If the attacker breaks the terms, the police will likely ask you to show it.
Step 5. Change your locks and passwords
Aggressive exes can be incredibly evil and dangerous after the victim escapes. To protect yourself, you need to eliminate the possibility of it making its way back into your life or sabotaging you in other ways.
- In case of severe violence or fear for your life, you may need to move elsewhere. You can take actions to make your new place you live anonymous, such as keeping your address secret or using a post office box for correspondence, changing all your financial information, and preventing your phone number from appearing on the list.
- If you live in your house or apartment and have ended a relationship with a person who did not live with you, you should change the locks. While you don't think your ex has a key, he may have made a copy of it without your knowledge.
Step 6. Keep your information safe online
If you are rescuing yourself from an abusive relationship or have recently done so, change all your passwords. Online passwords for bank accounts, social networks, emails and even work need to be changed as soon as possible. You should do this even if you don't think the attacker knows about them.
Step 7. Block the attacker on your phone, email and social network
You never know how he will react to your escape and you cannot control him. However, you can limit each contact after you leave. As soon as you can, block your ex from all media. Most modern devices have features to do this, but you may want to contact the phone company directly to prevent the attacker from calling you.
If the attacker finds a way to bother you, change your contact details. It can be inconvenient to make this change and make sure your close friends and family get the new information, but it can help you prevent the perpetrator from getting back in touch with you
Step 8. Consider a formal complaint
If you just can't get rid of the attacker, remember that you have legal solutions at your disposal. The main one is the restriction order, but you can also file a complaint, this depends on the hard evidence and the circumstances. Talk to the authorities and a domestic violence expert to find out more.
If you can prove evidence of abuse in court, you may still be able to get a restraining order against an abusive ex. If the attacker goes over the distance that was imposed by the judge and gets close to you, he will break the law
Part 4 of 4: Turn the Page
Step 1. Seek the support of your loved ones
Once you're gone, talk about it extensively with people you trust and enjoy company. Many people involved in a relationship based on violence are isolated from friends and family. If this is your case, try to reconnect with those people you have missed.
If you don't have many friends or relatives, try making new friends. Ask a co-worker you have a good relationship with to go for a coffee when you leave the office or, if you have moved, try to get to know your new neighbors better
Step 2. Join a self-help group focused on domestic violence
Many men and women survive abuse, and everyone needs to talk about it. Finding a community of people who have gone through similar experiences can teach you to process the guilt, frustration, and complex emotions you are likely to feel after ending an abusive relationship. Don't try to do it all by yourself. Self-help groups can help you:
- Working out the guilt.
- Understanding your anger.
- Talk about your feelings.
- Finding Hope.
- Understanding the abuse.
Step 3. Get therapy
Most of the victims suffered emotional or psychological trauma as a result of the relationship. A psychotherapist can help you cope with these moods and form healthier relationships in the future.
Step 4. Try not to rush into nurturing a new relationship
Many victims of abuse want to get involved immediately in a new relationship to compensate for the lack of affection and intimacy that characterized the previous one. In the long run, you will be able to cultivate a healthy bond in which you will be respected, but don't rush to complete your recovery. After saving yourself from an abusive relationship, you probably feel like you'll never find the right person. Don't fall prey to this mindset, you will only be sabotaging yourself. Once enough time has passed, you will find someone who is suitable for you and who will respect you.
Step 5. Don't give the attacker another chance
It is quite common for perpetrators to apologize and say they will never hurt their victims again. If your ex goes to you and claims that he has changed, you may feel compassion for him. However, it's important to stick to your decision at this point. A person who has abused you in the past will likely do it again.
There are intervention programs for violent people to help attackers stop harming others, but the results are not always promising. They seem more effective when the perpetrator decides to undertake the program of his own volition, not when forced by the court
Step 6. Avoid relationships founded on abuse in the future
Once you've finally saved yourself from such a relationship, the last thing you want is to end up reliving it. While not all attackers are exactly alike, there are some characteristics that tend to be common among perpetrators.
- Emotionally intense or codependent.
- Often charming, popular or talented.
- They fluctuate between emotional extremes.
- They may be former victims of abuse (especially in childhood).
- Many suffer from alcoholism or drug addiction.
- They have manipulative behavior.
- They suppress emotions.
- They seem inflexible and hypercritical.
Step 7. Commit to doing something else
As you heal, you may be very tempted to bask in the past. Try to really move on by learning new habits, hobbies, and interests. Nurture new memories and discover new forms of entertainment. Commit and start living again.
Get involved in numerous relaxing activities with friends and family you trust. For example, you could sign up for a dance class, start playing the guitar, or learn a new language. Whatever you do, talk to your friends a lot. They will be able to console you and give you suggestions in this difficult time
Advice
- If someone disrespects you, you need to get rid of this relationship.
- Whenever someone physically harms you, call the police. You will have to leave home or wherever you are and take refuge in a safe place.
- Some remain in an abusive relationship because they fear what might happen to their beloved pets if they leave. Remember that your safety is a priority, so don't stick around if you are a victim of violence.
