Romantic relationships are certainly among the most exciting and engaging experiences in life. Unfortunately, many stories do not end in a "happily ever after": at times, circumstances make it necessary to reevaluate the relationship and in some cases terminate it for good. If you feel you need to make this important decision, thoroughly investigate your reasons for ending the relationship; once you have decided, communicate it to your partner, so that you can close with the past and move on with your life.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Making the Decision
Step 1. Wait until you are in a state of calm and clear-headedness
After a bad fight or a strong disagreement, it's easy to jump to conclusions and think, "I don't want this person in my life anymore." If this is the case, give yourself some time before making any decisions: when you are in a state of emotional upheaval, you are at greater risk of making rash choices. Take some time to calm down and examine the situation with a cool head.
If you are in anger or despondency, take a few deep breaths to calm yourself: inhale slowly through your nose and exhale through your mouth, counting several seconds each time
Step 2. Clarify the reasons why you want to end the relationship
Once you have regained your composure, think carefully about why you want to leave your partner. Has something in particular happened or is it an uneasiness that has been going on for some time? Write your thoughts in a journal to better understand what prompts you to take this step.
Among the most common reasons for ending a romantic relationship are infidelity, physical or psychological abuse, lack of communication and differences of views regarding dreams and plans for the future
Step 3. Find out what impact the relationship has on your life and personal well-being
The most important question you need to ask yourself is, "Is my life better because this person is a part of it?" If the answer is "No", then you are making the right decision. A healthy relationship should contribute positively to your existence in general.
Of course, in a relationship it is not always all roses, but you should still feel happy to have your partner next to you. If not, closing your story would be the best thing to do, for you and for your future
Step 4. Make sure you are not leaving your partner for fear of commitment
In some cases, the desire to get away can stem from the fear of being disappointed, hurt or abandoned. Maybe your previous relationships ended badly and you're afraid of making the same mistakes again; or you think you can't make a long-term relationship work and then pull back when it comes time to take things to the next level.
Do a little introspective analysis to understand what are the real reasons why you want to end the relationship. If you suspect your insecurities are driving you, confide in your partner - you may be able to overcome the problem by dealing with it together
Step 5. Get advice from a friend or therapist
A trusted friend can help you weigh the situation better by giving you their opinion on your concerns or approving of your choice.
- Alternatively, you can consult a psychologist, who will be able to help you weigh the pros and cons of this decision and determine if it is the right one for you.
- Even if you are leaving your partner and not the other way around, it can be a very painful experience. The emotional impact of a breakup can be particularly strong when the relationship has been going on for a long time, plans for the future have been made, or there has been cheating or abuse. A psychologist can help you process any unresolved emotional conflicts.
Step 6. Consider the consequences of your choice for any children
Having or raising children with your partner undoubtedly affects the decision. Carefully consider what impact a separation would have on them and if this is the best direction to take.
- If your children are at risk of being abused or often witness arguments between you and your partner, the best thing to do in their interest is definitely to end the relationship.
- Talk to a family member, lawyer, or psychologist before deciding.
- If you choose to stay, a family therapy course would help solve the relationship problems of the couple and more generally of the family.
Step 7. Consider if you can afford to leave
Another variable that may have kept you from ending an unsatisfactory relationship is the financial one. You may not have any income of your own or you may not earn enough to support yourself. If so, discuss your situation with a friend or lawyer. Make a plan to save money and become financially independent, so you can finally break up with your partner.
For example, you may need to find a higher paying job, start a second job, or temporarily move in with a friend or family member
Part 2 of 3: Notify the Partner
Step 1. Decide when to talk to your partner about it
Once you have determined that you want to end the relationship, you need to find an appropriate time to communicate it to the other person. Let her know that you want to talk to her and choose a day and time that is compatible with your schedule.
- It is good that such conversations take place in a public place, in case the other reacts in an overly negative way.
- You should leave your partner in person unless you have reason to fear for your safety. In the latter case it is preferable to do it with a letter, an e-mail or a call.
Step 2. State your reasons sincerely but respectfully
Explain the reasons why you want to end your relationship in a clear and direct way, because going around the matter would only frustrate the other person. Get to the point and communicate your decision, but make sure you keep your tone polite and kind.
Step 3. Speak in first person
Don't start making accusations or pointing out his flaws: focus on your problems and needs, explaining that your relationship is having a negative influence on your life. This will decrease the likelihood of the other becoming defensive or hostile.
For example, you could say, "I care about you and we have shared some great moments. But I have decided that it is best for me to go my own way. I have sacrificed my goals and dreams to continue this relationship and I have realized that I don't want to anymore. to do it"
Step 4. Listen to his objections
It is right to give the other the opportunity to express themselves. Don't think about ditching your decision on him and then running away immediately: listen carefully and respect what he has to say.
Resist the urge to interrupt the other person to defend your positions. At the same time, also avoid apologizing, because you would imply that you are doing something wrong
Step 5. Don't falter
If your ex tries to convince you to stay together, or even begs you, repeat what you have already said in a short version. There is no need to justify or blame yourself for what you feel. Firmly reiterate your decision and ask the person to respect it.
- For example, you could sum it up like this: "As I said, I feel like I have given up on my dreams to carry on with our relationship. I don't want to do that anymore. I would like you to respect my choice."
- Meet your partner in a public place or leave them on the phone if you are concerned that they may harm you. Should he threaten you or try to manipulate you to make you stay, stop the conversation immediately; in the event that you find yourself in danger, do not hesitate to call for help.
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Get rid of everything that reminds you of the broken relationship
Indulging in memories of the past would keep you from turning the page and moving forward. As soon as you feel like it, mark a day on your calendar to dedicate to "cleaning": throw away or give away any object that has a connection with the person you left behind.
If you're afraid you won't be able to, ask a friend to prepare items to throw or give away
Step 2. Delete his phone number and other contact information
The next step is to permanently end all contact with your ex partner. You've decided to leave him, so there's no reason to obsessively follow him on social media or text him in the middle of the night. In order not to risk retracing your steps, eliminate any means of communication between you and the other person.
- Delete his email address and stop following his profiles on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and any other social network.
- If you have children, you will necessarily have to communicate; however, limit your conversations to this topic: don't get drawn into yet another discussion about breaking up your relationship.
Step 3. Find comfort in loved ones
The end of a relationship is not an easy experience to deal with; luckily, friends and family will always be ready to help you get through bad times. Take refuge in the affection of your loved ones by spending as much time with them as possible.
For example, you could ask a friend to keep you company on the weekend to relieve the feeling of loneliness
Step 4. Focus on your dreams and aspirations
The best way to get back to enjoying life and opening up to new relationships is to set goals to pursue. This will keep your mind busy and avoid ruminating about separation, as well as restoring purpose and meaning to your life. You will see that sooner or later you will return to feel good as and more than before!
- Establish a long-term goal that you intend to achieve over a certain period of time, such as a year; then, create a series of small, short-term goals that serve as intermediate milestones.
- For example, if you want to spend six months traveling the world, your intermediate goals might be to build up a travel budget, find someone to rent an apartment to, and temporarily leave your job or studies.
Step 5. Take care of yourself
Ending a romantic relationship is a decision that can be deeply disturbing, even when you think it was the right choice. You will need time to process the pain. In the meantime, adopt healthy habits to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Eat balanced and nutritious meals, set aside time for exercise and try to get at least 7-9 hours of sleep a night. Keep stress at bay by practicing relaxing activities, such as doing yoga, keeping a journal, or reading a good book
Step 6. Pay attention to your emotions
Notice if they interfere with your ability to complete daily activities or if they dominate you to the point that you can't cope with them. These signs indicate that you should see a psychologist so you can get back on track.
