Arguing with a friend can be quite unpleasant, but having a fight with your best friend can be downright terrible. Fortunately, there are several things you can do to try and resolve the dispute. Try talking to your friend about what caused the fight and how it makes you feel so you can think about it. You can also do something to solve your problems and end the conflict. If both of you are feeling too emotional, you might want to take some time to clear your head and then reevaluate the situation.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Talk about it
Step 1. Think about what you want to say to your best friend before talking to him
Take some time to think about what made you angry and what you really want to say to your best friend before talking to him. Thinking about why you argued can help you clarify your feelings so you can talk about it better. It can also help you figure out if the argument was the result of out-of-hand emotions, which can be resolved with honest discussion.
- Try starting the conversation with a joke. For example, you might say something like, "I just want you to know I hate it when we fight like this."
- Write down what you want to say to your best friend, if necessary, so that you can better organize your thoughts.
- Practice saying what you want to say in the mirror, in order to be able to verify the effect of your appearance and your words.
Step 2. Ask your friend if you can talk alone and choose a secluded spot
Take the initiative and start the conversation about your dispute. Text him, call him, text him on social, or ask him to meet somewhere where the two of you can talk privately so you can be honest and open about how you feel.
- A public place where you can have some privacy, such as a bar or shopping mall, can be a great neutral space to talk.
- You could also choose a place that the two of you share happy memories of, such as a restaurant that you both like or a park where you spent time together, to keep the conversation on a positive note.
Step 3. Use humor to relieve tension
Starting the conversation can seem difficult due to the emotions and frustrations that exist between you and your best friend. Making a joke or light comment to get him a laugh can ease the tension and help you start talking about what caused the fight.
For example, you might start the conversation with something unsettling like "So what brings you here?" or "Well, this is embarrassing"
Advise:
make a joke that only he could understand to add a little complicity and at the same time make him laugh. For example, if you're both fans of the TV show "The Office", you might say something like, "Right now we're basically Jim and Dwight."
Step 4. Tell your best friend how you feel about your fight
Be honest and open about your feelings towards him. Let him know how you feel about what caused the fight and how it made you feel fighting with him. Your feelings are important and you need to share them with your best friend so they can understand how involved you are.
- Try saying something like, “I'm sick knowing we're fighting and I can't come and talk to you about what's bothering me. I want to solve this problem”.
- Even if the fight was caused by something you said or did, you still need to tell your friend how you feel about your fight so he knows you care.
- Avoid spinning everything around you. In a quarrel between friends, the wrong is never on one side and your friend probably feels hurt too.
Step 5. Listen to him when he tells you how he feels
It is equally important that you listen to your best friend when he explains what he thinks about what started the fight and how it made him feel. Let him speak and pay attention to his words so that you can fully understand and respond sincerely and thoughtfully.
- Try to see things from his perspective. You are not the only one who is angry!
- You may not be aware of all the information about what caused the fight, so listen to your best friend when he tells you about it.
Part 2 of 3: Fixing Things
Step 1. Show your best friend how much he matters to you
Tell him how important he is to you and how much your friendship means in your life. Remind him that your bond is strong and worth saving by telling or giving him something that shows him why you love him.
- Give him something that shows him how important he is to you, such as an item that you have kept with you for years as a reminder of your friendship.
- Show him you're not afraid to get involved and say something like, “Look, you're my best friend. I love you! I don't want something like this to ever happen again”.
Step 2. Get a mediator to help you settle the dispute with your best friend
Sometimes, emotions can get in the way of a healthy resolution between two people; in these cases, it can be helpful to have a third party mediate the conversation so that things can be resolved without becoming overly nervous.
- For example, you might ask a mutual friend to help you discuss the matter.
- If you have had a fight with your best friend and you play on the same team or work together, it can be helpful for a manager, teammate or colleague to mediate.
- Ask for this favor from someone you both relate to well, so that both you and him feel that you are being heard and that your arguments are considered.
Step 3. Apologize to your best friend if you made a mistake
Sometimes quarrels can arise between friends because one of the two has done something wrong and is too stubborn to apologize. If you think you're the one who might have started the fight, you need to apologize to your best friend to show him you care.
- Try to be direct. Say something like, "I'm sorry. I was wrong. Can you forgive me, please?"
- Refusing to apologize will show your friend that you don't care and could hurt him even more.
- Be honest when you apologize so she'll know you really mean it.
Advise:
if your best friend apologizes to you for something he did or said that hurt you, be willing to accept his apology. This may not make your pain go away immediately, but you need to acknowledge that he realizes he was wrong and that he is sorry.
Step 4. Avoid making fun of your best friend about your quarrel
If you are able to work things out, don't mention the discussion or what happened again. It could make your friend think that you are not being sincere and start the fight back. Be nice and avoid the subject so you can move on and be best friends again.
- Try to avoid possible causes that cause the quarrel to break out again. For example, if you and your friend got into an argument because you accidentally broke an object that is important to them, try not to open the subject.
- Making fun of your friend's feelings will show him that you don't care how he feels and will make him angry.
Part 3 of 3: Spending Time Away From Your Best Friend
Step 1. Spend some time alone to relax and take care of yourself
Take a break from people in general and dedicate a little bit to yourself. Listen to music, read a good book, sign up for a yoga class or meditate. Spending time alone can allow you to think about your relationships and the difficulties you are having with your best friend.
Look at old photos of the two of you together to remind yourself why you love him
Step 2. Go out with other friends while in a crisis with your best friend
Spend some time away from your best friend if you're still frustrated and upset, so both of you can calm down. Use the opportunity to spend time with your other friends that you may not have seen in a while.
- Spending time with other friends can help remind you how much you value bonding with your best friend.
- Also use the opportunity to spend more time with your family.
- However, don't spend too much time with other people. This could make your best friend feel left out and insecure. Make sure you don't hurt him further.
Step 3. Avoid talking negatively about your best friend to other people
It may make you feel better right now to talk negatively about your friend to other people, but it's not healthy or kind behavior towards him. If you end up resolving your dispute, you will regret having spoken badly about it, and if he finds out, it could really hurt his feelings and ruin your friendship.
- When you are with other people, you can easily deflect the conversation by saying something like, "I don't want to talk about it now."
- Even if the fight was caused by your best friend, he may still be sorry for such behavior, so don't scoff or ridicule him in front of other people.
- Don't talk about your fight with nosy people. Only problems can arise.
Advise:
venting to mutual friends about your difficulties can be healthy, however you shouldn't insult or malign when talking about the fight with your best friend.
Step 4. Go to the gym to let off steam and relieve frustration
Exercise can help reduce tension, give you time to think about the fight with your best friend, and process your emotions. You will also get a surge of endorphins, which will make you feel better later on. If you feel frustrated and unable to think rationally, go to the gym or do some exercise at home to clear your head.
- Go for a run or walk around the neighborhood to get your body moving.
- Take a bike ride to a scenic spot, such as around a lake or through a park.
Step 5. Decide if your friendship is worth saving after taking the time to think about it
Spending time away from your best friend will allow you to reflect on your relationship. Sometimes, a bitter fight can prove to you that you and your friend don't actually have a positive, healthy relationship. However, it can also show you how much you care about him and how important his friendship is to you.
