If you wonder if a person is a true friend, it usually means that something has happened that made you suspicious. The fact that you have doubts indicates that your relationship needs to be evaluated and you need to understand if your instincts are right before deciding if the relationship is worth continuing. So, is this a real friend or not?
Steps
Part 1 of 4: Does Your Friend Want to Be with You?
Step 1. Spend time together
This is a normal and common part in all friendships. Start with this aspect, because this is the main clue to whether your friend is willing to commit to your relationship. Here are some things to note when you ask him to see you:
- If he finds time for you, that's a good sign. Friends spend free time together and don't act like they're uncomfortable or prefer to be somewhere else. In some cases, a friend can be really busy and that's not a problem, as long as you take your time when it's appropriate to do so, for example during breaks or lunch, maybe on weekends, holidays, etc.
- If your friend never makes time to see you or always makes up excuses when you propose to do something together, he probably doesn't really enjoy being with you. If every time you make plans to go somewhere he pulls back, that's a bad sign too. Remember that no one is "always busy"; it's just an excuse from someone who doesn't prioritize you.
- If a friend is always standing up to you and not doing it as a joke, he is probably not a good friend.
Step 2. Observe what happens if you try to date a friend who doesn't seem to want to be with you
Find a way to be close to him. It may seem difficult, but just say "Hey, how's it going today?" and walk beside him. Notice how he reacts and if he seems uncomfortable. If he's a true friend, he should be happy with your presence. If not, he may be grumpy, don't talk to you, shrug his shoulders often, and pick up his pace to get away from you.
Step 3. Invite your friend to a party or special event at your home
Notice if he accepts the invitation: if he introduces himself, is he friendly, or does he just ignore you and just stuff himself with cake and drinks until he decides to leave early? Since you are the host or should be the star of the evening, a good friend should talk to you and behave in a sociable way. A friend who doesn't really love you, on the other hand, would use the opportunity to get what they want and walk away without even saying goodbye.
Part 2 of 4: Does Your Friend Support You?
Step 1. Remember that true friends are not those who are sincere when they are with you, but when they are alone
In this section you will find some "tests" that you can use to observe and notice how a friend behaves when you are not there to defend yourself. These are optional tests and you can try one, two or all of them, otherwise skip this part entirely. In the end, what matters is what you feel, so if necessary, go straight to Part 3.
Step 2. Observe how your friend behaves when he hasn't noticed your presence
This gives you a chance to find out what kind of people you hang out with or if they say anything negative about you and your closest friends. Stop by when you see it and stand aside in silence, without saying anything and without drawing attention to yourself, at a safe distance. Don't give any signs that you're watching him, and if he's not a great friend, he probably won't notice you. He may say unkind things about you or about another person who is very dear to you.
Listen to what he says and also try to notice emotional and body language cues
Step 3. Consider how your friend handles the things you tell him in confidence
A true trustworthy friend doesn't gossip or spread rumors or, worse, lies about you. Does it always keep your secrets? Have you ever heard something that you only said to your friend from another person?
Test your friend. Tell him a fake secret and see if the rumor spreads. Make sure it's interesting enough but only involves you
Step 4. Try to frame your friend with a staging
This step is entirely optional, and if it feels weird or awkward, just skip it. If you think it might be useful and you know a person willing to help you, you can consider the result for your final decision. The test is as follows: Ask a classmate or colleague to talk negatively about you to your friend, then have the friend say their answer. Alternatively, find a way to eavesdrop on the conversation. If the friend defends you, it is a sign of great loyalty; if he agrees with what he feels and starts insulting you in turn, you will know that he is not a true friend.
Part 3 of 4: How Does He Treat You?
Step 1. Beware of friends who force you to do things their way
If they expect a certain behavior from you regardless of your feelings and preferences, it means that they don't care about you and that they only want you as a sidekick. In this case you are used, you are not appreciated and it is a classic signal of a personality that tends to control others. It is almost impossible to be friends with such people, because you can never know if they like you because they want something from you or for the person you are.
Step 2. Think about how you feel when you talk to your friend
Can you be yourself or do you think you have to behave "a certain way" and pay close attention to what you say? A true friend doesn't judge you for your funny quirks and with him you can be yourself. He accepts you as you are and doesn't expect you to pay attention to your attitude or not to say anything wrong. If you can say anything you want, you will know that you are with the right person.
Friends give you the freedom to be yourself. Anyone who does not is not a true friend
Step 3. Get away from your friend for some time
He wonders why you behave like this and asks you what happened to you? Or does he seem relieved that you are no longer there? This factor can help you a lot to understand if a person really cares about you, because only those who hear your silence and see your absence love you.
Step 4. Consider what happens when you need help
True friends are seen in times of need. Difficulties are an ideal thermometer to gauge the true nature of your relationships. When you face negative moments, you lose friends who pretended to like you. These fickle people are not worth your time and effort, because they are constantly switching between relationships, just trying to reap the personal benefits. A true friend stays by your side, supports you and continues to love you no matter what happens. He is willing to share happiness and sadness with you, to notice both and to help you out.
In a good friendship, both people value each other only for human qualities, not for wealth, connections, or power. An invisible thread binds them because they understand each other thoroughly
Part 4 of 4: Coming to a Decision
Step 1. Take into consideration what you have learned using the previous suggestions, in order to evaluate your friendship
Does your friend seem sincere or fake to you? Do you feel comfortable and happy when you are with him or instead embarrassed, controlled and unhappy? Does it inspire and motivate you or does it make you feel distressed and worried? Do you have any evidence that he supports you or that he speaks ill of you? Remember that it is better to be alone than badly accompanied and that you can certainly find new friends if this person is fake. Also, in some cases your circle of friends may decrease in number but increase in value, so don't be afraid to make the right decision.
When making the decision, remember that questioning a friendship is already a wake-up call. Usually the only people you can trust are the ones who never perplex you
Advice
- If your friend finds out what you are thinking, he may accuse you of being untrustworthy and tell you that he "has always appreciated you, up until now". If you don't trust someone, don't be friends with them.
- If you think a friend is lying to you, always look for evidence of what they said or did so that you can put it in front of the evidence.
Warnings
- Reading a friend's diary is dangerous. People reveal themselves and their thoughts in diaries, often changing from day to day, based on mood; it is not always a true reflection of the feelings they have for a person. Don't judge the status of a relationship by what you read.
- If you ask a friend to talk to another, the former may tell the latter that you have doubts about him.
