Is your glass half full or half empty? The answer to this question reflects your attitude towards life, towards yourself and your optimistic or pessimistic disposition, sometimes also actively affecting your health. The life of all of us has its ups and downs, but it has been shown that, when we approach it with an optimistic attitude, we positively influence its quality, improving our physical and mental well-being. Optimism is also considered a key element in stress management. Being optimistic doesn't mean ignoring life's difficulties or challenges, it means facing them differently. If your world view has always been pessimistic, it may not be easy to change your perspective; with a little patience and awareness, however, it is always possible to be able to highlight the positive aspects of life.
Steps
Part 1 of 2: Learning to Accept Your Emotions
Step 1. Recognize both the good and the bad in your life by examining how they have both affected you
Being optimistic does not imply having to be "happy" all the time. Forcing yourself to have feelings of contentment when experiencing potentially traumatic experiences could be downright harmful. Instead, try to tune in to the full range of emotions aroused by life, accepting the negative as well as the positive - both are naturally part of the human experience. Trying to repress a certain type of emotion can induce significant emotional distress. Avoiding focusing on just one type of emotion, welcoming them all equally, can help you improve your adaptability, making you more proactive in future unexpected situations. This will also increase your ability to be optimistic, as well as to effectively deal with situations of uncertainty.
- Over time, negative feelings can become a real unconditional reaction. Avoid blaming yourself for negative emotions and associations. Since it doesn't help you grow in any way, feeling guilty is completely useless; when you blame yourself for your actions, you remain focused solely on the past.
- The best thing you can do is make an effort to notice when such negative emotions arise. Keeping a journal could be very helpful - keep a record of any occasions when you experience negative thoughts or feelings, then take a closer look at them. The goal is to understand in what other ways you might react to those same events.
- For example, imagine someone cutting your way in traffic. Your reaction is drenched in anger: you honk your horn as you rail at that driver, even knowing he most likely can't hear you. You could describe what happened in your journal, specifying how you felt and what your immediate reaction was. Don't judge your behavior as "right" or "wrong," just write down the details.
- At this point, reread your words to analyze what you wrote. Do you feel that your reaction was in accordance with your values and the kind of person you want to be? If not, think about how you could have reacted differently, also trying to understand what that reaction might actually be coming from. Maybe you weren't really mad at that driver, maybe you just had a very stressful day at work and allowed the stress to explode on that person on the way home.
- Use your journal constructively. Don't just look at it as a tool in which to vent your negative feelings. Try to understand what you can learn from your experiences: how you can use them to become a better person or to better face future challenges. If you find yourself facing a similar situation again, how could you react in accordance with your values? For example, perhaps understanding that you reacted with anger because you had a hard day could help you realize that everyone makes mistakes, giving you an incentive to be more understanding of the other person the next time someone is being rude to you. Having a pre-existing idea of how you want to react to negative situations can also help you manage them more easily.
Step 2. Become more aware
Awareness is a key component of optimism, as it causes us to focus on accepting our emotions as we experience them, without judging them. Often our negative reactions arise from trying to fight our own feelings or letting ourselves be carried away by our emotions, to the point of forgetting that we are able to control how we react to situations. Shifting your attention to your breath, accepting your body, its sensations, and learning from your emotions, rather than rejecting them, can help you feel more comfortable with yourself, which can be very useful when negative emotions come to the surface..
- Numerous studies have confirmed that the practice of mindful meditation can alleviate the symptoms of anxiety and depression, effectively helping you to reprogram the way your body reacts to stress.
- Look for a mindful meditation course in the city where you live. Alternatively, follow some online guided meditations: the web is full of useful and free resources, starting from the wikiHow website.
- To enjoy the benefits of meditation, you don't need to spend too much time on it. Just a few minutes a day can help you become more aware, while also teaching you to accept your emotions.
Step 3. Analyze your internal dialogue to find out if you are optimistic or pessimistic
The continuous monologue that flows through our heads is a great indicator of the attitude we have towards life. As the day progresses, pay attention to your internal dialogue for any of the following negative thought patterns:
- Exaggerate the negative aspects of a situation, while filtering out all the positive aspects.
- You automatically blame yourself for all negative situations and events that arise.
- Assume that the worst will happen in every situation. For example, when the bartender serves you the wrong order and as a result you expect the rest of the day to be a disaster as well.
- Perceiving only evil or good, being unable to consider the middle ways.
Step 4. Focus on the positive aspects of your life
It is important to refocus your internal dialogue on all that is good in yourself and in the world around you. Having positive thoughts is only one of the ingredients needed to be truly optimistic, but it guarantees significant benefits for both the body and the mind; for instance:
- Increase life expectancy.
- It reduces the risk of suffering from depression.
- It decreases stress levels.
- Enhance the Immune System.
- It induces greater physical and psychological well-being.
- It reduces the risk of suffering from fatal cardiovascular diseases.
- Improve your ability to cope with stressful and difficult situations.
Step 5. Remember that true optimism differs from blind optimism
Blind optimism leads you to believe that nothing bad can ever happen, generating excessive confidence or naivety, which could endanger you or make you disappointed. True optimism doesn't just ignore difficulties or pretend that negative experiences and feelings don't exist. Being optimistic means knowing how to recognize challenges and feeling ready to face them.
- For example, deciding to jump with a parachute without ever having taken even a lesson in skydiving or having read something on the subject because you are convinced that "it will certainly be okay" means showing a blind and dangerous optimism. On every occasion you need to be realistic, as well as aware that there may be some obstacles to overcome. Such a reckless choice could seriously endanger your life.
- A true optimist would approach skydiving knowing that it is a complex sport, which requires high preparation and many safety precautions. Instead of being discouraged by the amount of practice required, an optimistic person will decide to set a goal ("learn to jump with a parachute"), then start studying and training, confident that they can do it.
Step 6. Ask yourself positive affirmations every day
Write down short sentences that can help you achieve your goals. Choose words that will help you remember the aspects you want to change in your way of looking at the world. Use sticky notes, placing them so that you can see them every day, for example on the bathroom mirror, on the computer, in the closet or on the shower wall. Some examples of positive affirmations include:
- "Everything is possible".
- "Circumstances do not define me, it is I who create my reality".
- "The only thing I can control is my attitude towards life".
- "There is always a choice".
Step 7. Avoid comparing yourself to others
It is easy to be envious, but highly negative thoughts can arise from this, such as "They have more money than I", "She runs faster than me" etc. Remember that there is always someone who is less or worse off than you. Avoid making negative comparisons with others, making an effort to focus only on the positive aspects of your reality. Research suggests that complaining about your problems can lead to anxiety and depression.
- Showing gratitude in daily life can be a great way to get out of the pitfalls of negative comparisons. Thank the people you care about - you can do it in person or by writing them letters. Shifting your focus to the positives in your life can dramatically increase your level of happiness and well-being.
- A "gratitude journal" can be a valuable tool. Studies have found that those who write a few lines each week to tell what has recently made them feel grateful tend to feel more optimistic and satisfied with their lives.
Step 8. Commit to gaining a better perspective on certain areas of your life
Often pessimism is caused by feeling useless or by the fear of not having control over situations. Identify one or two key aspects that you would like to change, then make an effort to improve them. Each small success will help you gain more confidence in your abilities, showing you that it is really possible to change your daily life for the better.
- Consider yourself a cause, not an effect. Optimistic people are known for their tendency to believe that negative experiences and events can be overcome on their own, simply through their own efforts and skills.
- Start with baby steps. Don't feel like you have to go through all the challenges at once.
- Having positive thoughts can bring beneficial results. In one study, it was found that training basketball players to attribute positive results to their skills and negative ones to lack of commitment can significantly increase their subsequent performance.
Step 9. Smile as often as you can
Research has shown that facing the day with a beautiful smile can actually make you happier and more optimistic about the present and the future.
In one study, subjects who were asked to squeeze a pen between their lips (causing a grimace very similar to a smile), while watching some cartoons, rated the viewing as funnier than others, even though they were unaware that the 'only reason for this reaction was precisely that forced smile. Voluntarily moving your facial muscles to reproduce a positive emotion sends a similar signal to the brain, improving your mood
Part 2 of 2: Increase Reserves of Optimism
Step 1. Understand how you are connected with the world around you
Optimism is not something that simply originates from within your brain and expands outward - it is a direct effect of your relationship with the world around you. Learn to recognize what aspects of your reality you don't like, then put your time and energy into trying to change them.
- Commit to changing the world for the better in a concrete way, one area at a time. For example, you may decide to join a social or political movement to support a cause that you consider very important.
- Remember, however, that the world is made up of many different cultures; yours is just one of them. Don't be fooled by the idea that your culture or way of life is unique or superior to others; welcoming the diversity that characterizes the world, striving to help others on their terms, can teach you to more easily grasp the beauty and positivity of life.
- In your own small way, even changing the arrangement of furniture in your home can help you break old and useless patterns of behavior, allowing you to form new ones. Research has shown that it is easier to lose a habit when changing your routine, as new areas of the brain are activated.
- This goes hand in hand with learning to accept and work with a wide range of emotions, as it is impossible to make use of what one has never experienced. Instead of trying to limit the management of your emotions by trying to do the exact same routine every day, analyze each interaction, looking for ways to improve the aspects of reality that you share with others.
- Structure future expectations and goals based on your concrete interactions with the environment and with other people. Doing so will avoid creating unrealistic hopes for yourself and others.
Step 2. Imagine what your life would be like without its many positives
This exercise was devised by researchers at the University of Berkeley, who suggest that you dedicate 15 minutes a week to it. Thinking about how your life would be different without one of the things you love or feel grateful for can help you become more optimistic by counteracting your natural tendency to take it for granted. Having very clear that you are lucky for every positive event that happens, aware that nothing can be taken for granted, can foster an attitude of gratitude and positivity.
- Start by focusing on a single positive event in your life, such as a milestone, a journey, or something that you consider significant.
- Bring that event to mind by rethinking the circumstances that allowed it to happen.
- Think about how things could have turned out differently. For example, you may never have learned the language that took you on a particular trip or have never read that newspaper that featured the announcement of your current job, which you love so much.
- List in writing all possible factors and decisions that could have played out differently, preventing positive events from happening.
- Imagine what your life would be like if that favorable event hadn't happened. Consider what are the things you currently cannot count on as they are a direct consequence of that positive happening.
- Bring your mind back to reality by rejoicing at how things went. Reflect on the many positive aspects that this event has brought into your life. Voice your gratitude for all the possibilities that have come true, even though they were in no way due, bringing experiences of joy into your life.
Step 3. Find a positive side in everything
Human beings have a natural tendency to focus on what goes wrong in their lives, rather than on the many good things. Counter this propensity by examining each negative event for its "good" side. Research has shown that this is a key skill in being optimistic, which also helps us relieve stress, depression and improve our relationships with others. Practice this exercise for ten minutes a day, for three consecutive weeks: you will be surprised to notice how optimistic you feel.
- Start by listing five things that make your current reality pleasant.
- Then think of a time when something didn't go the way you expected, perhaps causing you pain or frustration. Briefly describe this situation on a sheet of paper.
- Look for 3 aspects of that episode that can help you highlight the "bright side".
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For example, you may have had a car problem that made you late for work because you had to take the bus. While this is not a desired situation, you may be able to detect some potential positives, such as:
- Having met new people on the bus that you don't normally interact with.
- Having been able to take the bus to work instead of having to resort to an expensive taxi.
- Knowing that your car damage is repairable.
- Make an effort to highlight at least 3 positive aspects of what happened, even if very small. Doing so will practice modifying the way you react and interpret events.
Step 4. Spend some time on activities that are capable of making you laugh or smile
Give yourself some good laughs. The world is a very fun place - immerse yourself in it fully. Watch a comedy on TV, attend a cabaret show, treat yourself to a book of jokes. Each person has a different sense of humor, focus on the things that "make you" laugh. Try to have a good laugh at least once a day - this is a natural remedy for stress.
Step 5. Adopt a healthy lifestyle
Research has shown that optimism and positive thinking are closely related to exercise and physical well-being. In fact, there is evidence confirming that physical activity allows you to improve mood in a natural way, thanks to the endorphins released by the body when exercising.
- Engage in a physical activity of your choice at least three times a week. Exercising doesn't necessarily mean you have to go to the gym, you can also decide to walk your dog or use the stairs instead of the elevator. Any kind of movement can help you improve your mood.
- Limit your intake of mood-affecting substances, such as alcohol and drugs. Some studies have found that alcohol and / or drug abuse has strong connections to being pessimistic.
Step 6. Surround yourself with friends and family who can make you feel good
For example, play dress up with your children or go to a concert with your sister. Spending some time with other people is often a great way to feel less alone, which can lead to feelings of skepticism and pessimism.
- Make sure the people around you are able to support you by being positive. It is not certain that all the people you will meet in your life have the same preferences and expectations as you, it is a completely normal fact; nevertheless, if you find that their attitude or behavior is negatively affecting your choices, you need to seriously consider moving away from them. As human beings, we are highly susceptible to "emotional contagion," which means that we are easily influenced by the conduct and feelings of others. Having negative people can cause your stress levels to rise, also making you questionable about your ability to handle it in a healthy way.
- Don't be afraid to experiment in interpersonal relationships. A priori, it is never possible to say that the person in front of you cannot bring any added value to your life, even if they appear extremely different from you. It is a complex process, comparable to chemistry: it is important to find the right combination of people to be able to develop an optimistic attitude towards the future.
- A change of mood does not imply a change of personality. Being optimistic is not the same as being outgoing, therefore, to have an optimistic attitude, it is not necessary to become an outgoing person. Conversely, trying to be different from who you really are could make you feel sad and exhausted, not optimistic.
Step 7. Take positive action for others
Optimism is extremely contagious; when you show positivity and understanding in your interactions with other people, you benefit yourself, you also create a "chain reaction", encouraging the recipients of your gestures to show just as much positivity in their actions. This is why contributing to charitable or voluntary organizations has been associated with a noticeable improvement in mood. Whether you decide to offer coffee to a stranger or help out victims of an earthquake in another country, the positivity of your actions will produce an increase in optimism.
- Volunteering is considered an excellent promoter of self-esteem and self-confidence, elements that can help you counteract pessimism and a sense of worthlessness.
- When you offer your time - or your money - to others, you feel that you have made your contribution to the world. This is especially the case when you have the opportunity to make a contribution in person, rather than anonymously through the web.
- Volunteering gives you a chance to meet new people, encouraging lots of positive friendships. Being surrounded by a large number of positive people is a great way to foster optimism.
- Smiling at strangers is viewed in different ways by different cultures. For example, American cultures generally regard it as a friendly gesture, while the Russians consider it a suspicious act. Feel free to smile at other people when in public, but be aware that some may have traditions that are different from yours, so don't be offended if your gesture isn't reciprocated (or if they seem disturbed).
Step 8. Remember that optimism expands
The more you commit to thinking and acting positively, the easier it becomes to maintain an optimistic outlook in daily life.
Advice
- We all have moments of weakness. Sometimes you may make a mistake by falling back into old habits; if so, bring to mind the feelings of optimism, reminding yourself that those positive feelings are within your reach. Do not think that you are alone: in any situation you can ask your network of contacts for help to start thinking positively again.
- Smile as you look in the mirror. According to the theory of perception of facial expressions, doing so will help you feel happy, while also promoting a flow of positive thoughts.
- Evaluate the positives and negatives, or pros and cons, of situations, but stay focused on the good sides.
