If you have betrayed someone's trust, you may be wondering what you can do to remedy your mistake. Trust is one of the most important components of all relationships, whether they are a couple, a friendship or a professional one. It is possible to get someone to trust you again, and there are ways to make your apology more effective. You can also demonstrate by your actions that you are a trustworthy person. With time and the right commitment you will be able to rebuild a strong relationship, but to succeed you will have to follow a very long path.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Apologizing Effectively
Step 1. Think carefully
Apologizing can be very difficult and scary, so it's normal to feel nervous. Take some time to plan and decide in advance what to say.
- Write a list of the main topics. Include your apologies, an acknowledgment of your responsibility, and an explanation of how you plan to be forgiven on the list.
- Practice delivering your speech. You can try it out loud in front of the mirror.
- Ask for a moment to speak. Try saying, "Laura, I know you're mad at me. Do you have a minute this week to sit down and talk?"
Step 2. Express your feelings
To regain someone's trust, you need to talk to them seriously. If you have wronged this person, you must apologize; start by letting her know how you feel.
- If you are trying to rebuild a friendship, tell your friend how you feel. You can say: "Marco, I am very sorry for having betrayed your trust. I know it will be difficult, but I would like us to work to rebuild our friendship".
- Communicate your intentions. If you are talking to your partner, try saying, "I want us to trust each other again and I will do whatever it takes to make this happen."
- Be honest. During your apology, don't say anything you don't really think. If you lie, your interlocutor may notice and this will only further damage your relationship.
Step 3. Take Your Responsibilities
If you are apologizing, it means that you have done something that you regret. To regain a person's trust, you need to show that you understand where you went wrong. Include awareness of your actions in your speech.
- Make it clear that you know you were wrong. If you are trying to regain a person's trust in a professional environment, you should give concrete examples.
- Try to be 100% honest. If you are to reestablish your bond of trust, the other person needs to know that you are completely open and honest about what has happened between you.
- Try saying, "I made a mistake when I didn't carefully correct those documents. I know my mistake cost the company money." This shows that you understand the consequences of your actions.
- You should also use specific examples when talking to a friend. For example, you could say: "John, I was wrong to lie and tell you I had to work late. When I go out with other friends I have to be honest and tell you the truth."
Step 4. Listen actively
A constructive conversation requires at least two participants. When you have said what you meant, give the other person a chance to speak. Do what you can to show her that you are listening.
- Use your body language. Nod your head and look the other person in the eye when they talk to you.
- Repeat the main topics of his speech by paraphrasing them. This will show that you understand what he said.
- For example, you might say, "I understand that you have lost faith in me and that it will take time to regain it."
Step 5. Write a letter
The best choice is to offer your apology verbally; unfortunately, it is not always possible. Maybe you live far away from the other person, or they may not be willing to talk to you. If so, try writing an apology letter.
- Write the letter by hand. This makes your message more personal than an email. You should never give an important apology via text message.
- Reread your letter. It may take a couple of tries to express the desired concepts in the right tone.
- Write a concise and direct message. Try not to exceed three paragraphs. In the first, offer your apologies, in the second take responsibility, and in the third describe what you plan to do to fix the problem.
Part 2 of 3: Regaining Trust with Facts
Step 1. Try to be trustworthy
Words are very important in regaining a person's trust, but facts are just as important. Thanks to your actions, you will show that you can be trusted.
- Keep your word. If you promise that you will stop arriving late all the time, demonstrate your readiness for change by being punctual.
- When you say you're going to call on the phone, do it. Remember, your goal is to regain this person's trust. Make a commitment to keep your word at all times, even if it's a simple phone call.
- Prove that you can be counted on. If your boss asks you to file important files, do it right away and flawlessly.
Step 2. Give the other person space
When you betray someone's trust, it can trigger strong emotions in both of you. You may feel guilty and cause sadness and anger in him. Remember that he may need time to heal from his emotional wounds.
- It is understandable that you want to remedy the situation as soon as possible. But try to respect the other person's need for space.
- You can try to say: "Claudia, I really want to work hard to rebuild our relationship, but I understand perfectly well if you need some time".
- Don't be pushy. If the other person asks you not to call them for a few days, respect their wishes.
Step 3. Follow the "3A rule"
If you are trying to recover a romantic relationship, you can do a little more to show your partner how much you care about her. The 3 A's are affection, attention and appreciation. Find ways to express these feelings every day.
- There are many ways to show affection. Always remember, for example, to hug your partner when she gets home from work.
- You can express your attention to your partner even with small gestures. If you notice that she needs more coffee, pour it in without being asked.
- Use words to let her know how much you appreciate her. You can say, "I really appreciate how much you take care of me."
Step 4. Take more responsibility
To prove that you are trustworthy, try to get busy. Whether you're trying to recover a personal or a professional relationship, taking on more responsibility is a great way to do it. This shows that you are willing to do your best.
- Maybe you are trying to get your boss to trust you again. Offer to stay in the office after business hours if one of your coworkers needs help with end-of-month reports.
- If you're trying to win back a friend's trust, do something unexpected and cute. For example, bring him lunch when you know he has a busy day at work.
- Are you trying to recover the relationship with your partner? Try washing the dishes or taking out the trash without being asked specifically.
Step 5. Be yourself
When trying to win back someone's trust, it's important to show you're willing to change. However, you also need to sound sincere - don't try to change your personality entirely.
- By changing too much you will not seem sincere. For example, if you're trying to win back your parents' trust, don't suddenly start acting like a different guy.
- Maybe they would like you to help them more with the housework. This doesn't mean you should stop dating your friends altogether, but simply that you need to find the right balance between duty and pleasure.
- Don't try to change your personality. If you've always had a habit of joking with friends, don't stop doing it. If you were always being serious, you wouldn't seem sincere.
Part 3 of 3: Turn the Page
Step 1. Be patient
At the beginning of all relationships, trust does not arise immediately: it is a value to be gained over time. Consequently, when trust is betrayed, it is only natural that it takes time to remedy.
- Try not to rush things. Accept that it takes time for the other person to trust you again.
- Communicate your point of view. Try saying, "I know this process takes time, I understand that. Take all the days you need."
- Try not to overthink the past too much. Once you've apologized and started walking the road to regaining trust, don't let yourself be obsessed with what happened.
Step 2. Accept your emotions
Trying to recover an intimate relationship can seem like a very complex undertaking. You probably have many different moods. Remember that the other person can also experience strong feelings.
- It is normal to feel guilt, pain, sadness, and frustration. Don't force yourself not to feel these negative emotions.
- Accept your emotions and move on. Repeat to yourself: "Today I feel very guilty. However, I know that I am doing what I can to make up for it, so I don't have to be too hard on myself."
- Understand that your friend probably experiences a lot of different emotions too. He may feel hurt, angry and sad, this is normal.
Step 3. Create a new report
After betraying a person's trust, it is possible to mend the relationship with them. However, it is important that you understand that the dynamics of your relationship can change. Be prepared to experience a different situation than the previous one.
- You may have betrayed your boss's trust. Be prepared to accept fewer responsibilities at work for some time.
- If you've ruined your trusting relationship with your partner, you may not be as close as you were before. For some time, she may not share her innermost thoughts with you.
- You may be trying to remedy a struggling friendship. You should accept that the relationship between you is more superficial than it was previously.
Step 4. Prepare for different outcomes
If you've betrayed a person's trust, chances are you can get forgiven, but your relationship may be unrecoverable. Try to mentally prepare yourself for anything that can happen.
- There is a possibility that there is nothing to be done, you have to accept it. If a person doesn't want to be your friend anymore, you can't force them.
- Try to focus on a positive element in your life. Make a list of all the things you feel grateful for.
- Hang out with other people. Focus on developing the relationships you have left.
Advice
- Don't rush things. It takes time to build trust.
- Try not to be too hard on yourself. Remember that you are doing what you can to improve the situation.
- Always be honest. This is the most effective way to restore a person's trust.
