Losing a friend is never easy. Keeping calm and remembering him are key elements of the grieving process: Accept that these will be difficult times for you, but remember that you will be through them, and that the best way to honor his memory is to keep him forever inside your heart.
Steps
Step 1. I thought about the good times
Remember the positive things you shared, and focus on those.
Step 2. Write poetry, listen to music you like, spend time just reflecting
Always think back to the funny moments they saw you together. Doing things that remind you of your friendship will help you stay attached to positive feelings, even if, at first, you will cry all the time.
Step 3. Accept help from others
Trust family and other friends.
Step 4. Write an elegy and read it during the funeral
Go to his grave. Trust in faith. If you believe in God, pray for your friend and family.
Step 5. Allow yourself to feel sad:
don't let anyone tell you how long you can mourn, or how sad you need to feel. Losing a friend affects each of us in different ways, but it's always painful, and the pain has to be endured, like when you break your arm, but there are things that can ease it for a while until it's gone. Believe it or not, no matter how painful the loss is, one day you will be better.
Step 6. Talk to your friend
It may sound bizarre, but it helps. Tell him how you feel, tell him you miss him, tell him what happens and other things, tell him that you take him with you wherever you go, that he is always in your heart, go to a counselor or read books on bereavement management.
Step 7. Try to get enough sleep or at least rest
Often, after the death of someone you love, you have bad dreams, and sleep becomes impossible because of fear. Lie down in a dark room, and if you find it hard to fall asleep, put on some music or keep the TV on in the background, they will help keep bad dreams in check for a while. Remember, though, that our subconscious processes events to help us manage them, so bad dreams are part of the whole, even if awakening doesn't bring positive emotions with it.
Step 8. Take back your place in the world
Once you get better, go out with your friends and resume doing what you did so as not to think about grief. Distracting your mind for a while doesn't mean forgetting your friend forever: dwelling on pain isn't a good way to remember it - leading a great life and thinking of him fondly is best.
Step 9. Make a journal about your friend's life
Include photos from when he was young until you lost him. Write memories, stories related to each photo. Read it again when you feel sad and share it with other friends.
Step 10. Do something beautiful in his honor
If your friend enjoyed cycling, find out when there is a ride and sign up for him. If he died of cancer, keep an eye on some organization and take part in an event organized by them. Donate something in his name. You will honor his memory and do something positive for the world at the same time.
Advice
- Don't worry if you can't blend in with social life again. Give yourself time to manage the pain.
- Loss is a tremendous bomb for body and mind, and it takes a long time for your head to deal with the absence of a person who was with you until recently before they were young or old. It's okay to be sad, clouded, aloof, and even angry.
- You may tend to isolate yourself from the rest of your friends because you are afraid: to love also means opening up to potential pain and perhaps another death. Spending some time alone is fine but allow yourself to hang out with others or even call them and you'll be better off.
- When you suffer, someone who has never felt what you are feeling may say insensitive things that, although said with the best of intentions, do not help. Apologize and walk away because you don't have to worry about them too right now.
- The world will feel detached and indifferent to your pain. To you, it will feel like the end and wrong for everyone to move forward without that friend so easily. The person you loved is dead and people continue their daily grind, as always. Look for places and things that serve as a refuge even if it means staring at the wall for an hour. Do what you feel you need to do in order to move forward.
- Don't blame yourself if you couldn't do anything, forgive yourself. Easier said than done but do you think your friend would like to see you pity you for the rest of your life?
- It may sound impossible, but try to eat, drink and sleep. Even if it's hard, even if you have nightmares even if you can't swallow anything other than the broth. Do what you can, ask someone to feed you, to remember to do it, to open doors and windows for you to let the sun in. Sun, food, rest and water can help pass these moments in addition to mood swings.
- Keep a notebook nearby and write to your friend every day. You could also place it in the place where you spent your time together. Remember that being sad is okay!
- You may feel excluded from others or shunned. Unfortunately some of the closest friends are unable to handle death and you may be surprised to see who can help you in this situation.
Warnings
- If you are at a point of depression from which you are struggling to get out on your own and can no longer do what you liked, if life no longer feels worth living, get some professional help.
- Psychiatry and tranquilizers cannot cure normal responses. That is the mourning that one carries for a while. If you can't go on, however, seek help, even chemical help to bear the pain. But try to understand that this kind of evil takes time. Think about it: what kind of person would overcome everything so quickly after such a loss? Who could handle death without feeling the pain of loss by going on as if nothing had happened? Not the person you are. You loved the deceased and now that he's gone in your life it's sad and it hurts. It will take some time before you start your daily life again without feeling the chest tightening anymore. But he never wanted to take a part of you away, so honor your friend's memory by getting up and giving your best, day after day.
