For many people, the death of one of their grandparents means the loss of a very special family member who has played an important role in their life. If you have recently lost your grandmother, you are probably going through different emotions. Losing a loved one can be a disorienting and frightening experience, especially if it is the first loss you suffer. Death is a natural component of life that everyone has to face sooner or later. Learn to grieve, get support from others, and move on.
Steps
Part 1 of 3: Mourning
Step 1. Express your emotions
You will be able to go through this phase more easily if you don't try to fight them or hold them back. There is no right or wrong way to mourn the death of a person, nor a set period of time for the grief to end. Try to give free rein to the anger, sadness, confusion, or feeling of abandonment that pervades you. Over time, you should begin to feel better.
Some children may react particularly badly to the loss of a grandmother, if they have had a long and close relationship with her or depending on the causes that led to their death or the reactions of other family members. Adults should be sure to show their genuine pain and to let young children or teenagers know that it is perfectly normal to be sad or cry
Step 2. Reflect on what you have gained from knowing this person
Take some time to understand your feelings about his death and write them in a diary if you think it will help you. Try to bring back the good memories you keep of her and understand the impact she has had on your life. Ask other people to share some stories related to her long life: knowing that grandmother lived surrounded by family, in affection and having interesting experiences should be a comfort to you.
Step 3. Attend the funeral ceremony
It is a unique opportunity to overcome the loss of a grandmother and to offer support to other family members.
- If you are a minor, it is up to your parents to decide whether you can attend the funeral, or the memorial service, depending on your age. If you wish to participate, let them know.
- At this point, your parents could explain to you what will happen at the commemoration and then decide whether it might be appropriate for you to attend or not. They should know that participation could help you overcome the loss of your grandmother and celebrate her life.
Step 4. Create a memory box or book
It can be helpful to analyze your feelings about your grandmother's death as you build it. Choose some of your favorite memories in the form of photographs or other items you have shared with her. The possibilities of what to include in the box are endless: you can use recipes, lyrics of his favorite songs or collect stories related to his life. Decorate it as you like best.
In the event that you were deemed too young to attend the funeral, this could be a creative activity that can help you overcome the trauma. Even in the event that you have participated in the function, it can be equally useful for recovering the memories related to her and talking about it with someone while you dedicate yourself to this activity
Step 5. Try to understand death
Ask questions to understand your grandmother's death. For example, you may be able to overcome the trauma by learning that your grandmother has found peace after a long illness. Your understanding will differ depending on your age.
- Very young children, around 5 or 6 years of age, think in literal terms, so telling them that their grandmother has gone to sleep may cause them to worry that the same thing might happen to them while they sleep. Parents should also reassure their children that their grandmother's death is not their responsibility, as some children are afraid that death will happen because of something they have done. For example, a child may think that his grandmother died because he didn't visit her often enough.
- Other children, and pre-adolescents over 9 years of age, often manage to understand the inevitability of death and the fact that sooner or later everyone must die.
Part 2 of 3: Receiving Support
Step 1. Spend time with your family
The mourning period becomes harder if you distance yourself and isolate yourself from others. Remind yourself of the people around you who have lost an important family member just like you. Fight the desire to distance yourself or appear strong and seek comfort from loved ones who share your pain.
Step 2. Resort to faith
If you are a religious or spiritual person, it is time to find those lines or phrases that can remind you that everything will soon pass. Attending religious or spiritual services can further help you overcome trauma, connect with others, and instill hope for the future.
- Some research has shown that, thanks to the teachings regarding life and existence in the afterlife, people with strong religious or spiritual beliefs have a tendency to mourn faster than those who do not.
- If you are a non-believer, non-religious rituals such as packing items that belonged to your grandmother or visiting her grave regularly can help you overcome the trauma and comfort you.
Step 3. Join a support group
It can help you and other family members overcome the loss. Within the group you will be able to listen and share feelings and stories with other people who are in the same situation as you. The group will give you tools to help you overcome grief during the weeks and months following the death of your loved one.
Step 4. Contact a specialist in grieving
If you have the impression that your pain for the death of a loved one is too intense and that this is a source of problems in your everyday life, you may need professional help. A grief specialist, or "pain therapist", can effectively help you process your grandmother's loss and teach you how to manage it correctly.
Part 3 of 3: Turning the Page After the Loss
Step 1. Relive the memories
The best way to feel better after the loss of a loved one is to remember the good times spent together, when you laughed or did silly things, or any other fond memories you have of the person in question. It can also help to revisit the box or the book of memories over time, so as not to forget the best moments.
Step 2. Take care of yourself
When we are grieving the loss of a loved one, it can become easy to forget about ourselves and lie in bed all day crying. Make an effort to get up and go out into the fresh air, eat regularly and in a varied way and do physical activity a couple of times a week. The practices of self-care include, in addition to nourishing the body, also that of the spirit: get a massage, take a relaxing bath with essential oils, meditate, write in your diary or take the time to read a good book.
Step 3. Support other family members
Focusing on helping others can help process one's grief. Try to be there for your parents and siblings while you are going through the same moment. One of your parents has lost their mother and it is a difficult loss to bear: remind them that you love them and offer to do small things that will bring comfort, such as making tea or lighting the fireplace.
Step 4. Bring a part of the loved one into your life
It can be rewarding to know that your grandmother lives on in your memories. You can continue to celebrate his life by inheriting some of his hobbies or activities and making them your own. Consider starting sewing, in case your grandmother was particularly good at it, or take some time to prepare some of her traditional recipes when you cook.
Step 5. Understand that it is perfectly normal to smile again
After your grandmother's death, you may think that being happy is a disrespect to her memory and therefore you may feel guilty every time you laugh or have fun, but this is not true. Most likely, your grandmother lived a happy and full life and certainly wished the same for you. Mourning can be a very dark and bleak moment: don't be afraid to let in some light thanks to a few outings with friends or a few evenings of family games.
Advice
- If you have the impression of not being able to immediately tackle work or school, stay at home. You may need some time to mourn and recover and this is absolutely normal and even physiological.
- Being sad, bitter, or angry is an important aspect of the healing process. Feeling grief over the loss is not a sign of weakness, but the result of an intense bond.
- If you feel deep sadness, anger, or anxiety, talk to an adult you trust. Even just talking about what you feel can make you feel much better and the adult in question can comfort and help you.
