Do you have a friend who tells you how to live your life and then makes you feel guilty if you don't live it his way? You were born to live the way you want, so it's time to take your life back and live it as you wish.
Steps
Step 1. Find out if your friend is a manipulator
The signs are very easy to spot, but most victims don't believe they are being manipulated, in fact, they think they have a problem. The manipulator's goals are quite simple: he likes power, control, attention and pity. He has had some negative experiences in life (not always though), but manipulators are generally not stable and calm people. Try to remember how you first met this person. Most manipulators tend to prey on their victims while they are alone or in a difficult situation and make them feel comfortable and accepted. This leads the victim to feel dependent and almost indebted to the manipulator.
Step 2. Watch out for warning signs
They can vary, but there are generally good indicators:
- The person in question checks your life quite often, especially your friends. Always find good reasons not to like your friends. “It's weird”, “It makes you behave differently”, “It's rude”, and if it's not one of them, you can be sure that it will find others. If this wasn't enough to get you away from your friends, the bait could be even worse. He may start lying or making up false reasons why you shouldn't like someone. "She was talking badly about you, I heard her", "She doesn't like me and she was making fun of me". If vague excuses like these start cropping up, then he's probably trying to get away from them. The reason is that he is jealous and does not want you to spend time with other people. And when you spend time with other friends he will find ways to make you feel uncomfortable.
- He'll do things like give you some money or advice, even if on an occasional basis, but he'll blame it on you forever. "I lent you a lot of money, so the least you can do is buy me this thing!"
- He always starts small fights and then accuses you of being bad. He has no problem with disrespecting you, but if you remotely think you are on your own, then he accuses you of being a terrible person and bursts into tears.
- He subtly humiliates you, or insults you and then says he is too sensitive and let it go.
- He always tells small but constant lies, even if he will proclaim his honesty and never lie.
- She is an overly clingy person at times and expects you to leave everything for her. If you don't, he'll find a way to make you feel guilty. But have you noticed how this does not apply to you?
- It's tolerable in person, but it's often evil and offensive in emails and on Facebook.
- He accuses you of insulting and offending him, and he will tell you that you seem a bit "curmudgeonly" or "irritable" towards him.
- It tells you that you have a problem, that you are a bad person who irritates others.
- He makes sneaky threats, like "You have to start being nicer to me, because I don't have to put up with you" or "I always try to convince everyone that you are a nice person, at least try to force yourself."
- Try to convince yourself that everyone hates you except her.
Step 3. Think about whether this person really likes you or if you just feel guilty if you don't spend time with them
If she often tells you that she doesn't like you but remains your friend, you need to think about the reasons
Step 4. Confide in other friends
People who don't know her are the best, because they won't see her meddle. Show these people some of her messages and ask if they think you should tolerate her.
Step 5. Face it
This is the hardest part, because she will fight hard to humiliate you, to make you feel sad, alone, guilty and to convince you that you have a problem, not her. The point is to remember that you are the victim and that this is not friendship, it is abuse.
Step 6. If she's offensive to you, or doesn't want to admit she has a problem, cut her out
He may resort to childish or violent tactics, such as pushing all of your friends against you or spreading false rumors about you. Ignore her, refuse to talk about it, make new friends and try to avoid any contact with this person, so as not to expose yourself to his mental games.
Step 7. Look for victims of the past
Often there are other people with whom she has behaved in the same way, this will make you feel less alone.
Step 8. Forget
The last step is necessary to regain self-confidence and move on with your life. Most likely the other person will try to return to your life. Take your distance and think about how much better you are without her.
Advice
- One of the most common characteristics of a manipulator is that he seems to have no conscience and that he can change his mood very easily, from being nice one day to being horrible the next, for no apparent reason.
- You need to go into a relationship if you don't feel safe and happy, otherwise the problem escalates.
- Keep in mind that this person may have had a bad day, so don't immediately suspect they're a manipulator.
Warnings
- Always save the messages he sends you, in case you need them later as proof, to show his behavior to other people.
- If you think this person could harm you or do something violent or illegal, call the police and NEVER expose yourself or others.
- If possible, involve a mature adult you trust and ask for support.
